The Innermost Thoughts of Butterflies and Spiders
by Closet-Monster
Summary: These are interviews with the Trigun characters gone wrong. Read as me and my friend wreak havoc on our show! XD R 'n' R!
1. SPIDERS MUST DIE!

A/N: This is my first Trigun ficcy, but I hope you like it. I love Trigun, but I don't have the DVD's, so it might take me a bit longer to update chapters, since I plan to interview EVERYONE and need information on everyone. Anyway, I am Megan, and Ala is my friend (I don't own her!). That's not her real name of course, but I'm using Ala because....I am. Enjoy! ^___^  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Trigun characters. They belong to some Japanimation people (funny word, ain't it?) over in Japan. Darn those people...if only I could save up more than five bucks to buy people...but that's not happening, so don't sue me. Thanks. You wouldn't get any money anyway! Ha! :-D   
  
~*~*~*~*~*SPIDERS MUST DIE!!!*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The scene starts in a dimly lit room, with two armchairs, one of them occupied, next to a sofa in the middle of the stage. An audience sits quietly nearby, waiting for the show to begin. The figure in the chair looks around the room, then down at the watch on her arm. "Where the hell is Megan?"  
  
A few moments later, a small figure stumbles down the aisle and onto the stage. "I'm here! Just gimme ONE more minute!" She unfolds the ladder she was carrying and climbs up. "This room is way too dim for the cameras! I just need to change this one light..."  
  
The seated figure begins to stand, "Uh, Megan, I wouldn't touch that if I were-"  
  
"Ahhh!" Megan screeches, "Hot son of a-" she stops mid-sentence, looking in the direction of the audience. "Oh, we actually have guests this time. In that case..." She quickly screws in the new lightbulb, jumping off the ladder and yelling, "Welcome to our show! I'm the Closet Monster, but you can call me Megan!" she gestures over to the now standing person, "And this is Ala! She's my Co-Host!"  
  
"What!?" The taller one screams, "I can squash you, Megan! Besides, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't even HAVE a show!"  
  
"Oh, yeah..."  
  
"Yeah! Anyway, here today to share his life with us is Millions Knives! Here he comes now!"  
  
A tall man in what appears to be a red and white spacesuit walks on-stage, sitting on the sofa nearest Megan.   
  
"Hey," Megan whispers, leaning over to her friend, "How did he get here from Gun-smoke?"  
  
"I have connections, now shut up!" she whispers back, "Ahem! First of all, let me tell you how much we appreciate you coming on our show and letting us interview you."  
  
"Yeah! I'm Megan, but you can call me Closet Monster!"  
  
"And I'm Ala!"  
  
"Well, you already know my name, so can we just get on with the interview, now?"  
  
"Right! First question! What is your name!?"  
  
"Megan, what's wrong with you!? It's Millions Knives!" Ala shrieks.  
  
"But what's his LAST name?" Megan questions, "I mean, it should be Saverem, right?"  
  
"No," the man named Knives protests, "Rem Saverem was NOT my mother. How could such an imperfect being such as herself be related in any way to ME?"  
  
"So you're saying your name is Millions Knives?" Ala asks.  
  
"Right."  
  
"So is Knives your last name? What's your middle name? Oh, oh! Is it OF!?" Megan squeals, "Is your name MILLIONS OF KNIVES!?"  
  
  
  
"NO! My name is Millions Knives! The word OF or SAVEREM is not in my name! I would NEVER accept the last name of a spider!"  
  
O.O "Well then," Ala begins, "Next question-"  
  
"I'm not done!" Megan whines.  
  
"She said the nest question, SPIDER!"  
  
*GASP!* "Where!?" Megan shrieks, "Where!? Where's the spider!?" She jumps out of her chair and onto the sofa next to Knives. "Oh my Gosh! Is THAT IT!?" she points to a speck on the wall, "Ahhh!! Give me your gun!!!" She frantically grabs the handgun out of his suit. "DIE!!!!"   
  
A bullet whizzes by Ala's head, "Megan, stop it!"  
  
"NO!! THE SPIDER MUST DIE!!!" She shoots again, this time hitting the wall. "Oh no! I don't think I killed it!!" She shoots three more times, creating a total of four bullet holes in the back wall.  
  
O.o "Can I have my gun back now?" Knives asks.  
  
"Oh, sure! Sorry about that!" Megan happily hands back his gun. The audience members return to their seats and resume breathing.  
  
"Alrighty then. I think it's safe to say we're moving on the Question 2. How about the audience helps us out? Knives, could you please call on someone?"  
  
U.U;; "Sure. How about..." he points to a boy in the front row, "...you. With the baggy clothes."  
  
"What's wrong with my clothes?" the audience member stands up.  
  
"Besides the fact that your...pants, are falling below your knees and that cloth you call a shirt is obviously too large for you...nothing."  
  
"Well, at least I can wear underwear with my clothes!"  
  
"Ooooh," Ala grins, "Are you gonna take that kind of abuse?"  
  
"I'm going to destroy all of mankind...and, I'm a plant! Therefor, I am superior!"  
  
"Oh, yeah?" questions the teen, "Really, a plant? WE call em LIGHTBULBS."  
  
"Why you little punk..." Knives stands up, taking out his gun.  
  
"Megan, flying tackle!" Ala yells.  
  
"Right!" she dives at him from the side, taking him down water-boy style. "No shooting in the Studio!" he glances over to the wall with bullet holes. "Well...no shooting PEOPLE!"  
  
"Eaugh, fine." Knives walks back over to the sofa and plops down, "Next question?"  
  
"All right," Ala begins, "How about...your favorite gung-ho gun?"  
  
"Well they're all great fighters, skilled in their own ways, and they all obey me, so-"  
  
"MASTER.?"  
  
  
  
...........................  
  
"Hello???" Megan waves her hand in front of the plant's face.  
  
"Oh, uh, like I was saying, I like them all-"  
  
"But, MASTER, I thought I was your favorite..."  
  
"Legato?"  
  
"Hey!" Megan yells, "What're you doing talkin to Legato? We're tryin to do an interview here!"  
  
"What?" Knives acts confused, "I, I'm not talking to Legato."  
  
"Oh...okay." ^_^  
  
"Legato, I'm only saying I like all of them so no one gets jealous. You know I like you best."  
  
"Oh, good," says Legato's voice, "I've already made all the beds and you have a hot bath waiting..."  
  
"Not now Legato..."  
  
O.O "Uh, Knives?" Ala pokes him.  
  
"What? What do you want from me!?"  
  
"Hey, now don't get your panties in a bunch, I was just trying to get your attention."  
  
"He doesn't wear panties, remember!?" yells the teen from earlier.  
  
"Oh, that is IT!! I've HAD it! I'm surrounded by...SPIDERS! And I can't even shoot any one! I'M LEAVING!!!" he storms off the stage, gun in hand, muttering something about Mr. Baggy being the first to die.  
  
o.O "Well then, I guess today's show is over." Ala turns towards Megan, "Say, who should we interview next?"  
  
Megan is nowhere to be found.  
  
"Oh, come on. Megan! Where are you!?"  
  
"Where...where, are...the...SPIDERS!?!" Megan screams and jumps out from behind the couch. "I...I have a stick!!" She runs offstage and grabs a lamp.  
  
"Megan, that's a lamp pole. Put it down."  
  
  
  
"NO!!"  
  
"Okay then. Looks like our show's over folks," she glances behind her to see Megan beating the walls with a lamp. "Looks like we're gonna need some insurance..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...for now!*~*~*~*~*~  
  
...can you guess who we'll interview next? Think real hard! Oh yeah, review please! It's the link down there! ^_^  
  
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V (clicky, clicky!) 


	2. The Insurance Girls

A/N: Yay! I got reviews! *does happy dance ...Anyway, here's Chapter TwoC The Insurance Girls. Sorry, but we needed insurance! Next up is Vash! Please review, as always! ^_^  
  
Thanks to: Saru-Saru*the*Wingedfox: I agree. If Rem had only explained the food chain when they were little...that dumb slut! Ah! Anyway...no, I, Megan, am not a midget...just short for my age. ^.^  
  
James Daly: Vash is next! Never fear!  
  
Shadow Bluesummers: Don't worry, we'll interview Legato soon! *...and hot dogs...heheh!  
  
Ala: ...you're in my story, but thanks anyway! Hope you like the chappy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun people. I own nothing. Lyle the Lint Monster belongs to my friend, Ala...damn, don't even own Lyle. That's pretty sad. But, I'll feel better if you don't sue me, so read and enjoy! ^.^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE INSURANCE GIRLS*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So all in all, that comes to a total of....250."  
  
"What!? 250 DOLLARS!?" On-stage, both chairs are filled and two people sit on the sofa. The woman clad in white looks up from her typewriter as the larger one waves to the camera. "What the hell!? It's only four little holes!!"  
  
"And a bunch of dents in the wall..." Ala mumbles.  
  
"We're sorry," says a high-pitched voice, "But we have to follow the insurance guidelines." ^_^  
  
"Oh crap!" yells Ala, "We forgot to introduce our guests!"  
  
"Oh yeah! Well, the short shiny-haired chick is Meryl Stryfe and the big cheerful one is Millie Thompson!" Megan gestures to the women on the couch.  
  
"Hi everyone! I'm so happy to be here!" ^_^  
  
"Hey now, don't get off track!" Meryl warns, "If you want insurance for the Studio, you'll have to pay our company 250 double-dollars."  
  
O.O "Oh...DOUBLE-dollars? Is that like, 500 SINGLE-dollars?"  
  
O.O "Woooow...I don't think we have that much money, Megan," Ala pauses...*lightbulb!!* "Ah! Check your pockets!!" Ashley jumps out of her chair and reaches into her pockets (I'm using her real name now), "Aha!" She pulls out her hand. "This is Lyle, the Lint Monster!" ^__^  
  
"Oooh," Millie leans over to Ashley, looking down at the speck on her hand, "Monster? You don't LOOK like a monster."  
  
"Looks can be deceiving!"  
  
"Well, hello Lyle. My name is Millie. How are you today?" ^_^  
  
"Hey!" Meryl interrupts, "What does that piece of lint have to do with paying us!?"  
  
"Oh, but Meryl, surely Lyle is worth SOMETHING."  
  
*sweat drop "Millie, he's a piece of lint. He's not worth ANYTHING."  
  
O.O "But, Meryl, Lyle's a PERSON. A very SMALL person."  
  
"Grrr," Meryl growls, "Fine! We'll take care of the money later."  
  
"Right!" Millie points forward, "On with the show!"  
  
"First question-"  
  
"What is UP with your clothes? They-are-WHACK!"  
  
"What!? That's not our first question!" Ashley takes the card out of her pocket. Beside the crossed out "What are your hobbies" question and written in permanent marker is "What is up with your clothes?" "Megan!?"  
  
"What?" she hides the sharpie behind her back, "I didn't do anything."  
  
-_- "Okay, then. Ladies, just answer the question."  
  
"Well, I wear this because my big sister made it for me and it hides my stun-gun very well." ^_^  
  
"And I wear a white cape over my clothes to conceal all my single-shots." Meryl holds open her cape, exposing the tiny numerous guns.  
  
"Oh yeah! When you're in trouble, you fling back your cape like this and start shooting!" Megan jumps up, spreading out her imaginary cloak and using her fingers as guns. "POW-POW!!"  
  
^^;; "Yeah, uh, thanks."  
  
"I'm no good, but you look like Batman when you do it!"  
  
"...Batman?"  
  
^_^  
  
"Hey, Meryl!" Millie smiles, "Look! Ashley's playing with your guns! Isn't she so cute?"  
  
O.O ...Ashley points a derringer to her head, "Woooo....is the safety on?"  
  
"Hey!" Meryl grabs the gun out of her hand, "Be careful with those!"  
  
*sniff "Pooey."  
  
"Hey, what about the interview?" asks Millie.  
  
"Oh yeah! I forgot! What's our next question, Megan?"  
  
^__________________^  
  
o.O "O. kay. Well, as usual, our next question will be from an audience member!"  
  
"Oh, oh! Can I pick?"  
  
"Sure, Millie!"  
  
"Okay! Umm...how about you!?" she points to a middle-aged man in the front row.  
  
"My question's for Millie. Ummm..." he starts to look uncomfortable, "Why do you like pudding so much?"  
  
"What!?" Millie shrieks, "Pudding is the best thing in the WORLD!! And if you don't like it, you can just sit down and shut up!!!" she pulls out her stun-gun and fires it at the man, pinning him to his seat with a large, plus-sign shaped piece of metal. "Anyone else want a piece of pudding!?!" The remainder of the audience hides behind their seats.  
  
"Hey!" Meryl screams, "What did you do that for!?"   
  
"Eh-heh," the large woman scratches the back of her head, "Sorry."  
  
"Why is it every time we ask an audience member, something bad happens? ..." Ashley pauses, "Uh, Megan?"  
  
^__________________^ "...yes?"  
  
"WE HAVE AN INTERVIEW TO DO! SNAP OUT OF IT!!"  
  
"Ah!" Megan yells, "Sorry!"  
  
"It's okay, just ask them a question."  
  
^.^ "Okay!" she turns towards Meryl, "This one's for you! Did you and Vash ever, um...you know..."  
  
"What?" Meryl laughs nervously, "I have no idea what you're talking about."  
  
"Yes you do! DON'T LIE TO ME!!"  
  
"Ah! Okay...um, yes...we did?"  
  
"I knew it!" Megan screeches, "STD! STD! Stay away! SHE'S DIRTY!!"  
  
"What!? What makes you think I have an STD!?"  
  
"Ummm..." Megan thinks hard, "...you're dirty?"  
  
"I AM NOT DIRTY!!!  
  
"Well, when did you ever shower during the series!?"  
  
"What does that have to do with STD's!?"  
  
"...I dunno..."  
  
"Alright," Ashley interrupts, "I think we should move on now..."  
  
O.O "Oh! We forgot about the money!" Millie exclaims.  
  
"That's not exactly what I meant..."  
  
"Yeah, so are you guys gonna pay up, or what?" Meryl asks.  
  
"Why should we?" Megan counters.  
  
*stare  
  
*stare  
  
*twitch  
  
*blink  
  
"Aha!"  
  
"Oh, godammit!!" Megan yells, "That's it!" she pulls out a small remote from under her chair cushion and pushes the big red button.  
  
"What the hell!?" The left wall opens to reveal a small room with a bed, toilet, and dim lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. "This looks like a cell!"  
  
"Correct!" Megan shoves Meryl into the chamber, "Ashley, get Millie!!"  
  
"Are you crazy!?" Ashley screams, "I can't move her!"  
  
"Hey, Meryl," Millie says stupidly, "What are you doing in that silly looking room?" she walks over to the wall and goes inside, "Hehe! This is just like a trap!" ^_^  
  
"...dumbass," Megan mutters before pushing the button again. The wall seals itself shut, leaving only her and Ashley on-stage. Banging noises are heard through the wall.   
  
O.O "You never told me you had that."  
  
^_^ "Yeah, well, I do!"  
  
"...wow, they're really gone."  
  
"They'll be okay! I'll give `em food and stuff!"  
  
"...how are they gonna clean themselves?"  
  
"Oh, um...must've forgot about that...eh, I'll get one of those old, big bowl things they used to take baths in."  
  
"Well, in that case..." Ashley leaps out of her chair and onto the floor, "Let's PARTY!!" she starts running around in circles.  
  
^.^ "Yay!!" Megan joins in.  
  
Behind the audience, the camera spins around to face a young man with blonde hair and a fake "BOB" tattoo across his forehead. "Hello. I am Bob, the camera man." He looks over to the stage, where Ashley and Megan are still running around like morons, "It appears that our Hosts are...busy. Well, join us next time where we'll interview Mr. Vash the Stampede. See you then!" he puts on a cheesy smile before turning off the camera.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*The End...of this chapter*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Poor insurance girls! Forgot to tell you that WE DON"T LIKE THEM! Especially Meryl! Anyway, please review! If you want to be on our show, put in your description (at least gender and age) and a question you would like to ask our next guest! Thanks again, and bye!! ^__^ 


	3. Donuts and an Interview with Vash

A/N: Okay, if you haven't seen the series or don't know what happens to Legato, this chapter contains some spoilers...well, A spoiler. On another note, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry that I couldn't fit everyone who wanted to ask Vash a question into this chapter, but I took the first one I saw that had a DESCRIPTION AND A QUESTION FOR VASH. Anyway...  
  
Sheen Tacos: Sorry! The next interview is with Legato, so if you can think of a question for him relativley fast and post it, I might be able to fit you in! By the way, don't be so descriptive of what you want to do while on the show. I decide what you do (of course I'll make you ask the question), but I won't put exactly what you write. ^ ^ ;;  
  
Kenshingirl11: Again, sorry! Thanks for the desription though, and I'll try to put you on our show another time!  
  
Eriks: I didn't know what question you wanted to ask, so next time tell me! ^ ^ I'll try to get you on here soon!  
  
mimic12355: ...dom? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Do you mean DUMB? Or are you just being a retard? ..or is it in a foreign language? If it's a flame, next time make it more clear. And if it's not by chance, sorry! ^ ^  
  
LegacyRBluesummers: Well, read and find out! ^___^  
  
Disclaimer: I think you get it by now, but I don't own anything. Wait, I own Bob! BWA HAHAHAHAHA!!! *coughcough ...yeah, but nothing else. The third chapter is up, so read and enjoy! ^.^  
  
~*~*~*~*~Donuts and an Interview with Vash*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Megan, hurry up!"  
  
"Hold on!" the teen runs across the stage, balancing a platter of food and drink with her hands and holding a remote in her mouth. "Ary I'm eh! Ah!" she spits out the device. "Sorry I'm late! I had trouble finding pudding!" She sets down the plate by the left wall and pushes a button on the remote. It opens, allowing Megan to slide the food and beverages into the room.  
  
^.^ "Ooo, pudding!" Millie grabs a cup.  
  
"Hey!" Meryl yells, "Let us out of here before I-"  
  
"Sorry! No can do!" Megan pushes the button again, "Can't talk right now, gotta interview Vash!"  
  
"Vash!?" Meryl manages to scream before the wall seals itslef.  
  
"Damn, she's loud," Megan walks away from the wall and seats herself in one of the armchairs, "Say, where's Vash?"  
  
"Hello!" A man's head with blonde hair and aqua green eyes slides out from the right wall.  
  
"Oh, hey!" Ashley gestures over to him, "Everybody, this is Vash the Stampede! Vash the Stampede, this is everybody!"  
  
"Hey everybody!" Vash walks onstage, smiling at the mostly female audience and waving to the camera.  
  
"Oh my God! WE LOVE YOU VASH!" a group of fangirls in the back scream.  
  
"Damn, you're tall."  
  
"Yeah, I get that a lot," he sits down on the couch, "And what would your name be?"  
  
"I'm Megan!"  
  
"And I'm Ashley! Welcome!"  
  
"Thanks. It's great to be here," he pauses, "...what is she doing?"  
  
"Who, Megan?" Ashley asks, "She's just, um, saying hi."  
  
^_^ Megan is now sitting on the sofa close to Vash, "...hi."  
  
"Uh, hi there," Vash smiles, "So what's your question, Megan?"  
  
^______________________^  
  
"Not again!" Ashley screeches, "MEGAN, COME ON! WE HAVE A SHOW TO DO!!"  
  
"Ah!" Megan snaps out of it, "Sorry, again! Anyway," she returns to her former self, relaxing on the couch, "How are things with you and Meryl?"  
  
"Things? Well, to be honest, I haven't seen her around lately."  
  
"Yeah, wonder what ever happened to her..."  
  
"BANG BANG BANG!!!  
  
O.O Vash looks around, "What was that?"  
  
"We, um...we have rats."  
  
"What are you talking about, Megan?"  
  
"I SAID we have RATS."  
  
"Ooooh," Ashley catches on, "RATS. Yeah...she's right. We have rats."  
  
*BANG BANG BANG!!!  
  
"Wow, those are some pretty big rats."  
  
Megan looks at the wall, "Yeah, they are..."  
  
*BANG BANG BANG!!!  
  
"...annoying, really..."  
  
*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!!!  
  
  
  
"...and if they don't STOP being annoying, I'M GOING TO KILL THEM ALL!!"  
  
*silence  
  
^.^ "There, all better!"  
  
o.O "...alrighty then."  
  
"Now it's time to go to the audience! Can you pick someone for a question, Vash?" Ala asks.  
  
"Sure! How about..." the man in the red coat scans the audience of women. "...oh, so many girls to choose from, and..." he looks closer at the second row, "...Legato? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"  
  
The figure in the white coat sighs and stands.  
  
"Eh-" Vash scratches his head, "Did you get shorter?"  
  
"No, I didn't get shorter."  
  
"And your VOICE! Where's your skull!? And, your hair..."  
  
"My name's LegacyRBluesummers," she brushes her bangs aside, revealing another amber eye.  
  
"Oh, um, sorry," he puts on a stupid face, "I thought you were Legato."  
  
"Obviously," Megan mutters.  
  
Vash smiles, "Well, what's your question, pretty lady?"  
  
^_^ "Hehe. What kind of girlfriend are you looking for?"  
  
"Well, for starters, she's gotta be smart, attractive, and..." he pauses, thinking, "...nice and sweet."  
  
*everyone "WHAT!?"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?" Megan shrieks, "NICE AND SWEET!? THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN WITH MERYL!?"  
  
"Oh," he says nervously, "Must've forgot about her..."  
  
*BANG BANG BANG!!!  
  
Ashley looks up at Vash, "I think you've angered the rats..."  
  
"Yeah, one of em's kinda bitchy..."  
  
"What was that!?"  
  
"Errrr..." Megan twiddles her thumb, "...nothing."  
  
Vash rubs his head, "Ahh, deja-vu..."  
  
"Well now, thanks for the question LegacyRBluesummers!"  
  
^_^ "You're welcome!" she turns to Vash, "Hey, if things don't work out between you and prissy Meryl, I'm available!"  
  
"Prissy?"  
  
She waves and goes back to her seat.  
  
"Hey!" Ashley exclaims, "Nothing bad happened this time!"  
  
Vash sits down, "Uh...this time?"  
  
"Yeah! Last time we interviewed Knives, he almost shot someone!"  
  
"What!? My brother!? I'm going to KILL him!"  
  
"Yeah," says Megan," But Millie's worse! She used her big-ass gun on an audience member when we interviewed her and Meryl!"  
  
"Meryl!?" Vash screams, "You talked to her!? When!?"  
  
"A few days ago..."  
  
"That's how long she's been missing! But...wait a minute, "he looks at the young hosts suspiciously, "Did you two have anything to do with her...disappearance?"  
  
"Us?" Ashley asks nervously, "Why would we kidnap your girlfriend?"  
  
He peers at her harder, "I never said anything about kidnapping."  
  
"Uh, Megan, some help here?"  
  
Megan looks around, "...I've got it, be right back!" she runs off-stage and returns with a box of donuts.  
  
"Ahh!" Vash jumps up, "Are those for me!?"  
  
"...why yes they are!"  
  
^.^ "Wow, thanks!" he snatches the box out of her hands and grabs a brown donut, "Mmm, my favorite!"  
  
*everyone ...O.O  
  
"Boy, do you have an appetite," Ashley says.  
  
^^ "Yeah!" he stuffs his face, "A bottomless pit, really! I could eat donuts all day!"  
  
*sweatdrop "Yeah, I bet you could."  
  
Megan looks longingly at the almost empty box, "Must...resist..urge..to...GRAB LAST DONUT!" she looks at Ashley, "...is it just me, or are we forgetting to do something?"  
  
"I dunno," she stares at the eating Vash, "You wanna get some Burger King?"  
  
^.^ "Mm, sounds good!" Megan smiles.  
  
"Oh, wait a minute!" Vash yells, "You're supposed to be asking me questions!"  
  
Megan and Ashley stop halfway to the exit, "Oh yeah...bummer," they sit back in their chairs, "Next question? Um," Megan thinks, "Oh! I've always wondered about this one! What's it like having Knives around after you beat him?"  
  
"Well, I guess it's okay. I mean, now that all the Gung-Ho Guns are gone, he can't cause so much trouble."  
  
"Yes, Legato is dead! BWA HAHA!!" LegacyRBluesummers stands up and shouts.  
  
"Hey, I didn't WANT to kill him!" yells a teary-eyed Vash.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, don't cry!"  
  
"No, it's okay. It's just...all the donuts are gone!" he wails, holding up the empty box.  
  
*sweatdrop "What about shooting Legato in the head?"  
  
"That too!!"  
  
"So, Ashley interrupts, "Does Knives live with you?"  
  
"Oh yeah!" his face brightens, "I had to take care of him until he healed!"  
  
"How long ago was that?"  
  
"...a while."  
  
"And?"  
  
"...he never left."  
  
"Oh, it's brotherly love!" Megan squeals.  
  
*everyone "Awwwww!"  
  
"H-hey!" Vash blushes, "I have to keep an eye on him so he doesn't get himself into any trouble!"  
  
"Oh, you're looking out for your brother!  
  
"No I'm not!"  
  
"Just admit it, you love him!"  
  
"But," he stops, "Alright, I admit it..I...I love my brother Knives."  
  
The audience cheers. He blushes even harder.  
  
"How sweet," says Ashley, "Next question!" she gets no response, "Fine. What was it like carrying him for iles and iles?"  
  
"I must admit, it WAS pretty tough," Vash smiles, "But I managed to get us both safely to town."  
  
"Man, you must be some kind of machine," Megan awes.  
  
"He's a plant, you idiot."  
  
"...oh yeah!"  
  
In the back, Bob the camera man signals for them to hurry up.  
  
"Don't you rush ME, Bob!" she stares stares at him, "...hey, where's your tattoo!?"  
  
*Bob "..."  
  
"You took it off!" Megan steams, "Fine, you'll just have to have a NEW one!" she stomps her way up the aisle and takes out her sharpie, "Property of: MEGAN," she writes on his forehead.  
  
"Hey!" Ashley yells from onstage.  
  
"...and ASHLEY." The young man sighs as Megan returns to her seat.  
  
"Ah, that poor guy," Vash whispers.  
  
"I heard that!" Megan screams.  
  
"..."  
  
"He's used to it. He's..." she cackles like a maniac, "MY SLAVE!!"  
  
*GASP! "He's your SLAVE!?"  
  
"She's just kidding! Don't worry, he just works for us," Ashley glares at Megan.  
  
Bob signals for them to wrap it up.  
  
"Hey!" Megan yells in a Cartman voice, "Respect my AUTHOR-I-TY!!"  
  
O.o "Well, I need to be going soon..."  
  
'NOOOO!" Megan latches onto his leg, "DON'T LEAVE ME!!"  
  
"Hey!" he tries to shake her off, "I have to check up on Knives!"  
  
*everyone "AWWWWW!!!!"  
  
He blushes, "Stop that!"  
  
"Fine, you're free to go!" Megan stands up.  
  
"...really?"  
  
^.^ "Yep!"  
  
Vash slowly backs away towards the exit, "Thanks everyone! It was fun!"  
  
"Call me!" LegacyRBluesummers shouts.  
  
Ashley rises, "Join us next time to see the one and only Legato Bluesummers on our show!"  
  
Vash shrieks, "Legato!? I thought he was dead!"  
  
"Yeah, um, we have...WAYS of uh...RESURRECTING the dead, so they can some to our Studio!"  
  
O.O "How? You must tell me!"  
  
"Sorry, our little secret!"  
  
"NOOOOOOO!" security drags Vash out the door.  
  
"...we have security?" Megan asks. "When did that happen?"  
  
"Not sure...Bob? Did you hire these guys?" he nodds, "Bob, I love you!"  
  
Megan faces the audience, "Well, once again, Legato's up next. So tune in later to see! Goodnight!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...or is it?*~*~*~*~*~  
  
ASHLEY: "Of course it isn't!"  
  
MEGAN: "Hey, let me have a little fun!"  
  
ASHLEY: "...whatever. Well, please review! Thank you!"  
  
MEGAN: "...hey, that rhymed!"  
  
ASHLEY: -.-;; 


	4. Mind Games, Legato, and Hot Dogs

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I'm lazy, was up North, I'm at my dad's house a lot, and the most recent event of the power outage has disabled me from using the computer. I have power now though, so don't worry. ^^ I've also been busy with making plushies! Now I've got Nick and his cross, Vash, a small Thomas, and both of the insurance girls! YAY! *notices you staring at her ...anyway, here's our interview with Legato, so read and enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Legato or the audience members. Just the ideas. R+R! ^.^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*MIND GAMES, LEGATO, AND HOT DOGS*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The lights are on, the audience is quiet. In the Studio, Bob readies the camera and points it onstage, where the two hosts are bent over in quiet conversation.  
  
"Did you feed 'em today?" Ashley asks.  
  
"Yeah, they're all set,"whispers Megan.  
  
"Okay, good," she pauses, "Ah crap, wait a minute! We still need to sound-proof that room!"  
  
"Well now that you mention it..." Megan stops and looks at the audience. "...hey, I think they're staring at us."  
  
"Really?" Ashley also turns to face them, "...hey! Stop eavesdropping you spittle-pods!"  
  
*everyone: O.O;;  
  
"Heheheheh..." *looks around "...err, maybe they're just waiting for us."  
  
"Oh...well that makes sense," she stands up, "Sorry for the delay folks!"  
  
Megan also rises, "Welcome to our show everyone! Today we'll be interviewing Legato Bluesummers!" *cheering  
  
"That's right! And today's show is a SPECIAL one! Instead of just having ONE audience member ask our guest a question, we're going to have-"Ashley stops and looks over at Megan, "How many are we gonna have?"  
  
"...I dunno. More than one?"  
  
"Okay, how about five? That's right folks, FIVE audience questions!" *more cheering  
  
"Well, time to bring him out! Everyine give a big round of applause for Legato Bluesummers!"  
  
A man in a white coat slowly walks onstage, eyeing the audience and then staring down at the sofa, "Am I supposed to sit here?"  
  
^.^ "You can sit wherever you want!" Ashley beams.  
  
"Alright," he takes a seat on the couch.  
  
"First things first: dude, I love you. And I don't mean that in a weird, freaky kind of way, but you're just so cool!" ^^  
  
Megan looks at her in disgust, "Ashley, he LICKS himself."  
  
"Yeah, I know he's creepy, but he's just so spiffy!"  
  
-_-;; "Didn't you have like a QUESTION for him?"  
  
*blank stare  
  
"That pretains to LICKING himself?"  
  
*pondering "...oh yeah! I wanna know why in the blue HELL you licked your arm in the Fifth Moon Episode! It's not even YOUR arm! It's Vash's!"  
  
The man thinks for a moment, then answers, "It was really a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. Just an impulse. A natural reaction, if you will."  
  
*everyone: O.O  
  
"Oh," Ashley says, "I thought maybe it tasted good."  
  
"Or maybe you're just a sick perverted freak who likes to lick Vash's limbs!" Megan screams.  
  
"..................."  
  
"I thought so."  
  
"...heeeeey, I just thought of something!" Ashley exclaims.  
  
"Oh no," Megan hides behind her chair.  
  
"How about you show us some of your powers, Legato!"  
  
"...am I allowed to?"  
  
"Hell yeah!"  
  
"...how do you suppose I go around doing this?"  
  
"As long as you don't kill anyone, you can do it however you like!" ^^  
  
"In that case..."  
  
"Ah!" Megan suddenly stands up and walks ridgedly over to her chair, "H-hey! What the hell do you think you're doing!?"  
  
^.^ "Sweet!"  
  
She unwillingly plops down on the chair and raises her hand, "Oh dude, no!"  
  
"Yes! Do it, do it!"  
  
"Nooooo!" Megan screeches before her hand flies across her face, "Ow! Son of a bitch!" *self smacking "Stop it!" *more self smacking "That hurts you stupid douche!" *even more self smacking "Ahhhhh!"  
  
"Haha!" Ahsley laughs, "That is so cool!"  
  
Megan stops hitting herself. Legato looks at her, "I know, isn't it?"  
  
"No, it is NOT!" she yells, rubbing her cheek, "ANYWAY, I'd say it's time to go to the audience. How about it?"  
  
"Fine," he points to a hyper-looking young girl, "Your question?"  
  
"Ah! Can I have your gun!?"  
  
".............."  
  
"Oh wait, you don't use guns! Damn! Well, my name's Sheen tacos, and I wanna know why you were so merciful when you were about to die!" she thinks for a moment, "And what's up with the trippy outfit!?....AND your hair! Is it natural?"  
  
*twitch "First question: I really wasn't. I dissed Rem, remember? And though it may seem like I was merciful, it's just the way I talk. As for my clothes, I think they're perfectally fine."  
  
"You have a skull on your arm!"  
  
"...oh, that. I think it looks quite dashing, don't you?"  
  
*everyone: O.O;;  
  
"Yes. That goes for the spikes as well. The last question...you see my eyes? Blonde people mostly have blue eyes. It makes sense to have blue hair with blonde eyes, like mine."  
  
"Whoa! That's insane! MWAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
o.O "Alrighty then. Thanks Sheen Tacos!" Ashley yells.  
  
^.^ "You're welcome!"  
  
"Just four more! Pick another one, Legato!"  
  
".............."  
  
"Fine, I'll do it! How about you there!?" Megan points to a girl with brown hair and eyes wearing a 'I LOVE DONUTS' t-shirt.  
  
"Hi! I'm Kenshingirl11! Nice to...ah!" She tries to stand, but trips over herself and falls down. "Whoops, sorry! I'm a little clumsy!" She brushes herself off, "Legato! I wanna know how you're so ADORABLE!"  
  
"Really? Well, you see when I was born, my mother put me in a barrel of honey."  
  
Megan coughs: *coughBULLSHITcough*  
  
"No, I'm serious. I think it was some kind of punishment. I was all sticky."  
  
"...oh."  
  
"Yes, and that is why I'm so adorable: because I'm so sweet." He smiles.  
  
"Ahhhh!" Megan throws herself on the ground, clutching her face, "My eyes! They buuurrn!"  
  
"What, you don't like this expression?" He puts on another cheesy smile.  
  
"NOOOO!"  
  
"Alright, time for another question," Ashley says.  
  
"Fine. How about a male this time?"  
  
Megan stops screaming and looks up at Legato with a raised eyebrow, "What, you like little boys or something?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Prove it!"  
  
"I'll show you what I like." He closes his eye, sending a mental image to Megan.  
  
"...ahhhhh!" She falls back to the ground. "Get it out of my head!"  
  
Ashley watches her friend roll across the floor, "I really don't wanna know what you just showed her."  
  
Megan curls into the fetal position, rocking back and forth, "Meadow...of flowers. Knives, prancing Knives, in butterfly th-th-tho-"  
  
"Shut-up!" Ashley screeches, "Time for another question!"  
  
"Alright," Legato scans the audience, "You there, with the brown hair." He points to a tall thirteen-year-old boy.  
  
"Hey! The name's James Daly!" he waves. "Okay. Legato...this question is for you! Why are you named after a cat? Shouldn't your name be like the 'leathal freak' or something? It makes no sense!"  
  
"Well, you see-"  
  
"Legato's actually derived from an Italian music term meaning slow, smooth, and connected. Like the way he talks!" Ashley interrupts.  
  
"...oh."  
  
"Wait a minute!" Megan (who crawled back to her chair) shouts, "Do you mean like Le-GATO? Like in Spanish? Well, it would actually be Lagata or Elgato if that's what you're talking about!" ^^  
  
*everyone: O.o  
  
"Oh, sorry Legato! Were you gonna say something?"  
  
"...meow."  
  
^.^ "Ah! That's great!"  
  
".............."  
  
"Next question!"  
  
*silence  
  
"...fine! I'll just read one off of this card! (and yes, this counts as an audience question!) Mimic12355 wants to know why Legato likes hot dogs!"  
  
"Well-"  
  
"Oh,oh! I know!" Megan jumps out of here chair and peers at Legato. "Is it the texture?"  
  
"Not really..."  
  
"Wait! It's the shape, isn't it!?"  
  
"...what do you mean?"  
  
"You like the long, juicy, slender shape of a hot dog in your mouth, don't you!?"  
  
"Are you trying to say something?"  
  
"What!? No, I'm not implying anything!" ^.^;;  
  
"Don't lie, I can read your thoughts."  
  
"...oh yeah."  
  
"Hmmm, the insurance girls?"  
  
"Hey! Get out of there!"  
  
"You locked them up?"  
  
"Yes, damn you!"  
  
"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."  
  
"...really?"  
  
"Of course not. I will do anything to bring eternal pain and suffering to Vash the Stampede," he says, putting emphasis on the PEDE and then licking his left arm.  
  
"Aw, nasty!"  
  
"Hey Legato," Ashley pipes in.  
  
He looks at her, tongue hanging out of his mouth, "...wha?"  
  
"Why did you eat a crusty hot dog in the Diablo episode!?"  
  
"Which one, the one that was in the bag with the head?"  
  
"Yeah! It crumbled, for chrissakes, it CRUMBLED! Hot dogs aren't supposed to DO that!"  
  
"I thought it was rather tasty."  
  
o.o;; "Nasty."  
  
"Okay! Last question!" Megan gestures over to a short girl with long, black braided hair. "Holy crap, you're shorter than me!"  
  
Ashley looks at the girl, then back at Megan, "Uh, only by a couple of inches." She looks at the girl again, "I think she's a little younger than you, too."  
  
"Pfft," Megan crosses her arms, "Dream breaker."  
  
"Well, what's your name?" Ashley asks.  
  
^^ "Eriks! My question is what's your favorite fruit!"  
  
Legato slowly turns his head towards the thirteen-year-old. "Fruit?"  
  
"Yeah, fruit!"  
  
"I...don't eat fruit."  
  
"You don't eat fruit?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"None at all? Ever?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Oh yeah! You always eat junk fod in the series!" Megan interrupts.  
  
"...so?"  
  
"Why are you not fat!?"  
  
"...must be the high metabolism."  
  
"You suck."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"I said 'do you like bananas'?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Denial is not just a river in Egypt."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
O.O *blinkblink "Well then, I guess that's it for today's questions," Ashley says.  
  
Megan looks at her, "So is that it for the show?"  
  
"...I guess."  
  
"Wait," Legato rises, "I was promised hot dogs."  
  
"Eaugh," Megan rolls her eyes and pulls out a pack of frozen hot dogs from under her chair, "Take 'em."  
  
He grabs them out of her hand and heads for the exit.  
  
"Waaaiiit!" Ashley tackles him. "Make me a gung-ho gun!"  
  
He shoves her off and stands up, "Why should I?"  
  
"...because! I'd, uh...make the perfect minion?"  
  
"...show me."  
  
"Look, look!" she tries failingly to imitate E.G. Mine's posture (ever see his arms? his right's like twisted around his back and his left's crossed over his stomach! it's freaky!) "Now all I need is some spikes or something!"  
  
"I don't have anymore."  
  
"Oh! I can use my psychic powers!"  
  
"...psychic powers?"  
  
"Yeah!" she presses her fingers against her temple and begins making straining sounds.  
  
"Wow. That's...impressive."  
  
"Shut-up! I'll make your head explode!"  
  
"O.kay. I think I'll be leaving now."  
  
"NOOO! Li-ga-TOE! Don't goooo!"  
  
He shakes his head and walks out the door.  
  
"WAAAHHHH!"  
  
"It's okay Ashley! Next up is Wolfwood!"  
  
*sniffle "I miss Legato."  
  
"You'll get over it."  
  
"Okay," she gets out her Legato plushie and hugs it tightly.  
  
"Hey, where's Ogatel?" (it's a mini legato! Legato spelled backwards! ^^ )  
  
"He fell off the edge of the world."  
  
"The crack between your bed and the wall?"  
  
*nod  
  
"I'm so sorry." Megan pauses and turns to the staring audience. "...uh, hey everyone!"  
  
O.O *stare  
  
"Well, next up is Nicholas D. Wolfwood! So tune in later to watch our show! Goodnight!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...well, you should know by now it really isn't though*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Poor Ogatel! Hope he's recovered soon! Anyway, please review and put down your DESCRIPTION (some of you don't) and question if you wanna be on our show. Nick is next. ^^  
  
ATTENTION: Due to the fact that school is only like a week away, I will sadly not be able to update for longer periods of time. I WILL continue on with our show, but it will take longer for me to write new chapters. And don't be mad if I don't put you on the show if you wanted to ask a question, but I can't be on the computer all the time to check who wants to be on our show, so I might miss you if you have a request too late. *tear  
  
P.S.-These are the things that belong to Ashley: Ogatel and big Legato plushies, 'the edge of the world', and the blonde-eyed blue-haired idea. Oh yeah, and spittle-pod! If I left anything out Ashley, smack me. ^^ R+R! 


	5. NO SMOKING!

A/N: *rubbing cheek* Sorry Ashley! Well, thanks to everyone who reviewed! From now on, I'll try to fit everyone in who wants to ask a question. ^^ Sorry if I'm slow at updating, but I'm EXTREMELY lazy. ............o.-......... yeah. Some spoilers, but you'll get over it. Anyway, here's Wolfwood's chapter! So read and enjoy!   
  
Disclaimer: .....*twitch. What do you think? If you forgot what I don't own, go back to the previous chapters and read the disclaimers. *huggles Trigun plushies*....*twitch. R+R! ...*twitch  
  
~*~*~*~*~*NO SMOKING!*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It's the usual scene, with Ashley waiting patiently...ISH, in her chair, and the other hostess away doing something stupid. Everything's pretty much quiet until Megan runs frantically onstage with a hammer and some nails in her mouth. She whips out a NO-SMOKING sign and nails it quickly to the back wall.  
  
"Phew! Thought I was never gonna find that thing!" she takes a seat in her chair.  
  
"...uh, Megan," Ashley glances back at the wall, "Do you really think that's gonna keep him from smoking?"  
  
"YES IT WILL!" she shouts in a voice familiar to Knives'. "Besides, why would he want to smoke in our wonderful Studio?"  
  
"...because he loves to smoke."  
  
"But he'll be too busy answering our wonderful questions!"  
  
*sweatdrop "Yeah, I'm sure he will."  
  
Megan rises and goes into introduction mode, "Well, give a big round of applause for-"  
  
"Wait!' Ashley screams.  
  
She turns her head mechanically towards Ashley, "...what?"  
  
"Come here!" she yanks her down into the chair. "Did you soundproof that damn room yet?"  
  
"...maybe."  
  
"Ah, you idiot! If Wolfwood finds out Millie's in there, he's gonna kill us!"  
  
"...be right back." Megan runs offstage and returns with a large bowl of pudding. She pushes a red button to open the wall and goes inside.  
  
"Oh!" a high-pitched voice squeals, "Pudding again!"   
  
Some mumbles are heard from Megan before Meryl begins screeching, "No way! I'm not as stupid as Millie! You can't make me eat that pudding! I know you put something in it! You can't-" A trigger noise erupts from the room, then all is quiet. Megan walks out, gun in hand, then sits down and presses the button to close the wall.  
  
Ashley looks at her in awe, "Did you just-"  
  
"Nope. Just gave her a little tranquilizer, and the pudding was drugged."  
  
"Oh...da'mit!"  
  
Hiding the gun under her chair, Megan stands up and gestures over to where Wolfwood would come out. "Here he is folks, Nicholas D. Wolfwood!"  
  
A man in a dark blue leisure suit (or is it black? or grey? it always changes! AH! ) walks onstage, carrying a large cross wrapped in canvas and tied with belt...things. "Hey!" He sets it down with a thud and plops on the sofa.  
  
Megan stares at the giant cross-shaped gun. "..can, can I touch it?"  
  
"Of course you can!"  
  
She slowly gets up and takes a step over to it, running her hand down its side, "It's so big..."  
  
"Ah! MEGAN!" Ashley screams, whipping her head in the direction of Wolfwood. She sees Megan stroking the cross, and smiles crookedly. "Uh, nevermind."  
  
"Hey, have you guys seen Millie anywhere?"  
  
"Nope," Ashley replies. Megan simply shakes her head and continues petting the gun.  
  
"Didn't think so. Damnit..." he pulls a cigarette out from his shirt and puts it in his mouth, "Haven't seen her for a while. It's startin' to worry me." He fumbles around in his pocket and grabs a lighter. "Do you mind?"  
  
"No, it's okay. Go ahead."  
  
He lights up and takes a drag, blowing the smoke out slowly and putting the lighter back in his pocket.  
  
Megan stops caressing the weapon and smells the air. "What is this?" She turns around and sees Wolfwood smoking. "Oh, goddamnit!" She stomps her way over to him and points to the back wall. "NO SMOKING ASSHOLE!"  
  
*gasp!* "Megan, did you just call Wolfwood an asshole?"  
  
She slaps her hand over her mouth. "Oh my gosh, I did. I'm so sorry!" She jumps on him, squeezing his cheeks together. "I didn't mean it Wolfie! Don't cry!"  
  
"Ah! It's okay!" He puts her down. "Just didn't see the sign."  
  
"Oh. Well ASHley should've shown it to you," she glares at her friend.  
  
"Ptbbbbh!"  
  
"Well, any questions for me?"  
  
*ponder* "Yeah, I have one," Ashley peers at him, "Here on Earth, cigarettes cost a good four to five bucks a pack. Unlike Gunsmoke, however, we can actually grow tobacco to MAKE the cigarettes. So riddle me this: how the hell can you afford to buy all those cigarettes? I mean, they must cost more there than here. How much for a pack of smokes and where do you get that kind of money?"  
  
"Well, uh..." he pulls out another cigarette and looks at it. "I'm not too sure how they grow the tobacco or get the paper to make this, but I get all my money by spreading the word of God and helping people out wherever I can."  
  
"...you get money by 'spreading the word of God'?"  
  
"Well, no actually..."  
  
"Wait. Don't tell me you get money by helping people out. If you're helping them out, shouldn't THEY get the money?"  
  
"Yeah, but..."  
  
"I know you work for Knives."  
  
"What!? No! I USE to, but that was when I needed the money! I had to help the children! If I hadn't joined him, the children would suffer! It was all for the-"  
  
"AH! SHUT-UP!" Megan screeches. "No more talking about children!"  
  
"But, you're just a child yourself!"  
  
"No I'm not! I'm a frikkin TEENager! I hate little kids! Get it right!"  
  
*sweatdrop "Sorry, my mistake."  
  
"You know what, I can't even look at you right now." She stands up and looks away. "It's time for an AUDIENCE question."  
  
"Haha. Drama-queen."   
  
"Don't make me come over there Ashley!"  
  
"Okay, let's go to the audience. Wolfwood, go ahead."  
  
"Alrighty then," he looks around and sees two girls holding hands and giggling, "Heheh. What about you two ladies? What're your names?"   
  
They stand up, still giggling. "Hi, I'm Cara," the one dressed all in black (you know: a shirt, vest, boots, studded bracelet. the works.) with long, wavy blonde hair says. The other girl, with long, braided red hair (wearing a long-sleeved blue shirt with matching pants and a white belt) introduces herself as Marisol.   
  
Wolfwood looks at them with a raised brow. What were they laughing about?  
  
"Are you," *giggle* "Are..hahahahahaha...are you a homosexual?" They break into a fit giggles.  
  
"What!? No!" He smacks his hand to his forehead, "Why does everyone think that!? I got some Millie ass right before I died! Remember!?"  
  
The girls giggle some more.  
  
He looks at their joined hands. He suddenly smiles (and not one of those happy, bright ones. more like a dirty one. yeah, you know what he's thinkin'. haha.) "Well, I'M not gay. But YOU girls..." he trails off, looking at the tall, blue-eyed pair. "Are you two...together?"  
  
*gigglegiggle*  
  
"Eaugh, enough of that," Megan interrupts. "Since I don't feel like letting you indulge in your twisted little fantasies all day, does anyone else have a question?" The two girls sit down and more raise their hands.  
  
"Why'd you have to do that?" Wolfwood pouts.  
  
"Just pick someone else."  
  
"Fine," he points to a scrawny 16-year-old girl with brown hair and really weird clothes. "What's your question?"  
  
^^ "Yay! I wanna know how Vash got his glasses back a few episodes after you stepped on them.....and the name's Aurus."  
  
"Well, you'll have to ask Vash about that one. BUT," he pulls out another cigarette, "See, I didn't even know I had another one in my pocket. I'm guessing his glasses are like my cigarettes here. They're just there."  
  
"Oh. Well, I have one more question!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you have Vash's phone number? Can I have it?"  
  
*sigh "What about me? Doesn't anyone want MY phone number!?"  
  
The fangirls go wild. "Oh,oh! I do!" "Me! " "What is it!?" "Tell us!" "Please!"  
  
^^ "I'm so loved."  
  
"Okay. I'm gonna read one off of this card. Vain wants to know 'why did you have to die? ...WAH' "  
  
"Well, I didn't want to kill Chapel. After all, he was the one who taught me everything I knew. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to help Vash out when he was in trouble."  
  
"Haha," Megan laughs, "Bastard shot you in the back."  
  
"It was Legato. Chapel would have never pulled off anything cheap like that. He was controlling him."  
  
"Yeah, maybe, but I wanna know why the hell you didn't kill him after that. I mean, he had just shot you so badly, you died afterwards. Yet, he was still alive after you were dead, so how the hell does that work?"  
  
"Like I said, it was my own decision not to kill him."  
  
"But he died anyway. So doesn't that piss you off that you died for nothing?"  
  
"...wow, never actually thought about it like that..."  
  
"It was Vash's fault," Ashley interrupts.  
  
"No, I controlled my own actions. It was completely my fault."  
  
"NO. If Vash hadn't poisoned your mind with his stupid, idealistic ways, you would have killed Chapel and you'd still be alive!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Just admit it, you're pissed!"  
  
"...argh, alright! I hate that little bastard for making me think like him! He turned me into a pussy right when I needed to be strong!"  
  
O.O "Whoa. Had that bottled up for a while?"  
  
"...yeah."  
  
"It's alright. We'll just have a couple more audience members ask a question."  
  
"Okay," he picks out a tall girl with spiked brown hair, mismatched blue and green eyes, jeans, and a red t-shirt reading 'The cats talk to me, they tell me to bite you'.  
  
"Hey Nick! Can I have your cross punisher?"  
  
"...no."  
  
"Can I have a cookie?"  
  
"...I don't have any."  
  
"Fine! But I wanna know why you smoke? It's bad for you!"  
  
"It helps me ease the stress of my life...err, afterlife, or whatever the hell this is. I'm a very stressed out guy."  
  
"You don't seem like you are in the series!"  
  
"Yeah, well, that was before I was dead."  
  
"Ah, gotcha." She sits down.  
  
Megan begins playing with the cross again. "Hey Wolfwood."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Can I have your cross punisher?"  
  
"No."  
  
"...damn you."  
  
Ashley shifts in her chair, "One more question."  
  
"Last one, huh?" he looks around and picks out a hyper-active girl, "Your name?"  
  
"Hey! That's Sheen Tacos!" Megan waves.  
  
"Hey!" she waves back, "Wolfwood! Can I have your cross punisher!?"  
  
"That's the third time today! How many times do I have to say it!? NO!" He picks it up and hugs it protectively. "I'll never let anyone hurt you. You'll be mine forever. All mine. Forever and ever," he whispers to it, hugging it tighter.  
  
"...freak."  
  
"Wait! I'll give you an apple!"  
  
He stops and looks up, "...what kind?"  
  
"Uh, the really sweet green kind!"  
  
"...I'll think about it."  
  
"Man, why do you like apples so much?"  
  
"...I don't."  
  
"Don't lie."  
  
"What? The only time I had an apple was when I took it from Chapel. And I did that just to spite him! ...and to see if it was tasty..."  
  
"Okay, I'll talk to you later about it!"  
  
".........."  
  
"Well then, I think that was the last question," says Megan.  
  
"Yeah, we'd better end the show. It's getting late."  
  
The hosts start to get up and leave when a beeping noise is heard.  
  
"...what was that?"  
  
"...sounds like a bomb."  
  
"Yeah, right."  
  
They begin walking towards the exit when the door near the audience is blown open. A man wearing black clothing and a gas mask abruptly introduces himself as mimic12355 and asks, "Wolfwood. How do you carry a cross that weighs 500 pounds?"  
  
Still choking on the smoke and dusting off bits of debris, he replies, "Oh, I'm sure it doesn't weigh THAT much. *cough* It's just all the mercy."  
  
Megan and Ashley begin laughing their asses off.  
  
"What now?"  
  
"Haha, MERCY. I mean, what?"  
  
"Anyway, it doesn't seem that heavy to me. Besides, I exercise a lot and am fit to carry it anywhere I want."  
  
"Oh, okay then. Just curious." The man heads out the door...er, hole in the wall.  
  
"Hahahahahaha," Megan laughs, "You're full of yourself."  
  
"What? No I'm not."  
  
"Haha," Ashley joins in, " 'Will you eat them with me'?"  
  
"What are you two talking about?"  
  
They laugh and shout in unison, "SANDWICHES! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
"Oh, you guys are so immature."  
  
*still laughing their asses off*  
  
"Hey, it's not that funny!"  
  
"Oh yes it is!" *laugh* "That's just about the worst pick-up line I've ever heard!"  
  
"Yeah, only Millie's dumb enough to fall for it!" *laugh*  
  
"WHAT!? Did you just call my Millie DUMB!?" he stands up and pulls on a belt (thing), making the canvas on his cross punisher fly off and striking a pose.  
  
"Oooo! SHINY!" Ashley dives for it.  
  
"Hey, get off of it!" Wolfwood shakes it to no avail.  
  
"No, it's mine!" Megan grabs it and pulls as hard as she can, ripping it out of his hands and screaming at the top of her lungs, "BWA HAHAHAHAHA!! IT'S MINE! ALL MIIIIIINE!!!!"  
  
"NOO! Give it BACK!" Wolfwood chases her offstage.  
  
"SHIINYYYYY!" Ashley follows close behind.  
  
In the back of the Studio, a man looking similar to Bob spins the camera around and explains, "Hey. I'm Joe. I'm substituting for Bob while he's at work on 'Trading Spaceships'. You should go read it. He's in it." He turns his attention onstage, where Wolfwood, Megan, and Ashley are wrestling for the cross punisher. "Well, I don't think they're gonna be able to end the show tonight, but tune in next time when they'll be interviewing Mr. E.G. Mine. Goodnight!" he smiles and turns off the camera.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...not*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Gyah! Da'mit belongs to Ashley! ^^ Anyway, please review. *sniff* I get sad and don't write much when I don't get reviews. But I know you'll review because YOU LOVE ME DAMNIT! ...XD...Next up is E.G.! YAY! *does happy dance* See you then! 


	6. Livewire and Three Psychos

A/N: Erm, Ogatel is NOT Legato spelled backwards. Otagel is. My bad...on another note..... GYAH! SCHOOOOL! ARGHHHHH! ..........highschool...ack. O.o ...anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed! ^^ Sorry for the slow updates, but school's a pain in the ass and I'm not much inspired to write these days. -_-;; Writer's block. Well, here's E.G. Mine! Yay! It's gonna be crazy, so watch out! ^.^  
  
Sheen Tacos: ...um, I dunno. How DO you get the money for our show? o.O ...ah, nevermind. It's free, now I remember! Yeah, our show makes no profit. ...damn, we gots no money. :( Oh well, as long as I have my loyal reviewers!   
  
hieiandkuramalover: ...I already interviewed Legato. Did you miss it? Well, it's there. Yeah. You've probably found it by now, but for the sake of me not having to go back and erase this...I'm leaving it. ^^ Okay, enough babbling.  
  
Disclaimer: ...I lied. More babbling. Yeah, I don't own the Trigun characters. ...or the audience members. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's the sad, sad truth. ......... or Livewire! Well, enjoy E.G. Mine (I know I will! XD) and please review! Thanks! ^^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Livewire and Three Psychos*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The scene is a bit unusual today, with an aliveness in the air and a buzz throughout the Studio. ...okay, so not throughout the ENTIRE Studio, but most of it. ...well, not exaclty MOST of it, but a third of it...or a fourth...or a fifth...or maybe even a tenth? ....okay, FINE, I admit it, there was a buzz from TWO people! TWO! DOS! GET IT!? ...well, these two people were in fact the hosts of the show...ironically enough. -.o;; The audience was, well, The Audience, and Joe the Camera guy was being a dork in the back. Imagine that.  
  
...on with the subject. Today was the day Megan and Ashley would be interviewing the one and only, strange and psychotic, green-haired lunatic, E.G. Mine. And YES, due to the fact that E.G. is a psycho, Megan and Ashley naturally love him.  
  
So onstage, Ashley was sitting in her chair, clutching the arms of it, excited but controlling herself. Megan, of course, was running across the stage like an idoit.  
  
"Megan! You...have...to...control yourself!" Ashley yells, trying not to let her excitement run wild.  
  
^^ "AHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH!" Megan runs by, waving her arms in the air and screaming at the top of her lungs, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"GODDAMIT MEGAN! SIT DOWN SO HE CAN COME OUT!"  
  
^^ "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Megan jumps in her chair.   
  
"Well...you..should...know...who we're interviewing by now...so..give...it...up...for..E...G...Mine!!!"  
  
A man encased in a spike-covered shell trudges slowly onstage, plopping down on the couch.  
  
^^ "E.G.E.G.E.G.E.G.E.G.E.G.!!!!!"  
  
"....must...control...self..................AAAAAAAAH!" Ashley springs from her seat, tackling E.G., making sure to avoid the spikes. "E.G.! We love yoooooooouuuuuuu!"  
  
"Ah! Get off of me, woman!" he says in a semi-muffled voice.  
  
^^ "Yay! Yay! Yay! E.G.! You're on our show! Yay! Yay! Yay!" Megan shouts happily from her chair.  
  
"Gyah!" he pushes Ashley off and attempts to sit back up, but because he was tackled to his side, the spikes on his outfit became lodged in the couch. "Ah! I'm stuck!"  
  
Ashley jumps up. "Anyone who wants a piece of E.G., do it now!" *cricketcricket "I don't mean it like THAT, you sickos!"  
  
^^ "Ooooo! I wanna touch 'em!" Megan leans over and runs her hand along one of his spikes. "...shiiiiiiiinnnnyyyyy."  
  
"Stop that, Megan!" Ashley screams.  
  
The gung-ho gun manages to free himself from the couch, pulling fluff up with him.  
  
"Haha! You got fuzzy spikes!"  
  
"What!?" He screeches, trying to look around his shell at his spikes, "I can't see! Get it off me!"  
  
"No, it's cute! They remind me of pink fuzzy bunnies!" Megan smiles.  
  
"Say what?"  
  
"Time for an audience question!"  
  
"...okay." E.G. Mine looks around at his surroundings wearily.  
  
"...what's the matter E.G.?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. Just that lazy-ass Legato made me walk all the way here from Gunsmoke because he was too lazy to take me and wouldn't let me drive!"  
  
"Well then, take this!" Ashley pulls out a can of Livewire Mountain Dew and thrusts it at him. "It'll make you feel better!"  
  
He eyes it suspiciously, "...what is it?"  
  
"It's a magic potion! It'll help get your energy back!"  
  
".....does it taste good?"  
  
"Just try it!"  
  
He looks at the can one last time before taking a sip. "...wow, that's...that's actually kind of good."  
  
^^ "Yeah!"   
  
He takes a bigger sip. "Mmmmmm!" He takes a gulp. "Oh man! This is great!" He downs the can.  
  
"Holy shit, E.G.! You da man!"  
  
He parts his lips, about to say something, when a tremor races through his body.  
  
Ashley stares at him. "Oh, man. Are you okay?"  
  
His pupils dilate, then shrink back quickly.   
  
"Ah, crap. Don't worry, E.G., it'll only last another few seconds."  
  
His body convulses again before becoming still. He slowly turns body to the hosts. "...got any more?"  
  
"Hell yeah!" Ashley races backstage and returns with five liters and thirty cans of livewire. "Here we go!"  
  
A LITTLE TIME LATER...  
  
"NYAO!" Megan quickly chugs the last of her pop. "OHMYGOD! THIS IS CRAAAAAAAZZZZZYYY!" she drops the can and runs around the Studio.  
  
Meanwhile, Ashley and E.G. are having a staring contest. Both of their eyes are twitching wildly, but neither blink.  
  
*stare  
  
*twitch  
  
*twitch  
  
*staretwitch  
  
*twitchstare  
  
*stare  
  
*stare  
  
*TWITCH  
  
*convulsion  
  
*cough  
  
*blink  
  
"Gyah! I beat you!"  
  
"No fair!" E.G. rubs his eyes, "You spit on me!"  
  
"Nuh-uh," she wipes her mouth off, "I was just coughing."  
  
"Cheater!"  
  
"Ass-pirate!"  
  
"Skank!"  
  
"Man-whore!"  
  
"Slut!"  
  
"Douche!"  
  
"Gyaaaah!" he tries to choke her.  
  
"Hey!" she takes a few steps...err, stumbles back, "Love and peace, yo!"  
  
"Oh, oh yeah! Love and peace! Love and peace!" They hug.  
  
"Look, we're hugging! We don't care! HAHAHAHA!" she stops suddenly and glares at the audience, "What the hell are YOU looking at!?"  
  
"NYAOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan runs back onstage, flailing her arms wildly. "Livewirelivewirelivewirelivewirelivewire!" She jumps into her chair. "Heeeeeey! Did we finish the show yet!?"  
  
"...I don't think so!" Ashley also takes a seat. "Come on, E.G.! Sit with us!"  
  
"Okaaay!" he prances over to the sofa and sits down. "Question tiiiiiiimeeeeeee!"  
  
"Heeeey! You're riiiight! Pick someone, E.GGGG.!"  
  
"Whoo!" he points to mimic12355, "How about yooouuu!"  
  
"Ah, scary guy!" Megan hides.  
  
"Alright," the man breathes through his gas mask. "How can you carry all those spikes and where did you get them from?"  
  
"What spikes's?" E.G. slurs, looking around.  
  
"...the giant spikes coming out of your shell. The ones you use in battle."  
  
He turns his head and looks at the nearest spike, confused, "Where did these come from?" he pokes it, "Owwieeee!!!!"  
  
"Oh, did E.G. get a boo-boo!?"   
  
*nod  
  
"Don't worry! Here ya go!" Megan whips out a gigantic band-aid, larger than his hand, and attempts to wrap it around his finger. "All better!"  
  
He stares at the bandage "...I dun think it fits, Mrs. Host."  
  
"Ms.!"  
  
"Hey!" mimic12355 shouts from his seat, "What about my question!?"  
  
"Oh,oh! That thing!" The gung-ho gun points his finger in no particular direction, "Umm...I think I got mah spikes's from that guy..."  
  
"It's SPIKES, not spikes's. And what guy are you talking about?"  
  
"You know," he begins waving his arm, "that...GUY."  
  
"Heeey! Does he happen to have ba-lu hair?" Megan chirps in.  
  
"Yeah! That guy!"  
  
"Li-ga-toe!" Ashley shouts.  
  
"Ah! Li-ga-toe!" he imitates her.  
  
"...um," the man in black interrupts, "How do you carry them around?"  
  
"Wooow. I dunnoooooo," he looks over at Ashley, "Do you know how I carry my spikes's around? ...is it the Livewire?"  
  
"No, man," Ashley drawls, "You must have some harness thingy or somefin' in your shell."  
  
"Ohhhhh..." he awes, "...wait. What if I DON'T have a harness?"  
  
*GASP! "Then you must be carrying them around...with-your-mind!"   
  
"Wah! Mind power! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHA!" he cackles like a maniac...errr, like himself. "...wha? Wha? WHA? WHA!?" he shouts at the staring audience. "Shut-up! Don't MAKE me maim you!"  
  
*sweatdrop  
  
"Yeah, that's right," he points at them, "You know it!"  
  
"...hey," Ashley pokes her friend, whose slumped lazily in her chair. "Whaz wrong?"  
  
"Ughhhh..." Megan moans, " The Livewire...it has left me."  
  
*GASP! "What!?"  
  
"Hey! It'll happen to you, too!"  
  
"No it won't!"  
  
FIVE MINUTES LATER...  
  
"...damn, man. Livewire's some gooood shit."  
  
"Yeah....right up until it LEAVES you!"  
  
"Eh," Ashley shruggs, "That stuff'll mess you up."  
  
"Yeah. Bad trip man, BAAAD trip."  
  
"Hey. How you holdin' up over there?" Ashley turns to look at E.G., whose limply laying on the couch.  
  
"...gyaaaahhh."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Megan looks down at her arm. "It's going on 12:30."  
  
"How do you know that?"  
  
"I have a WATCH."  
  
"No you don't. Dun lie to me, hoe."  
  
"Yes I do. Loooook." Megan turns her arm to Ashley, where a poorly drawn watch is scribbled across her wrist in pen.   
  
"Eaugh, nevermind." Ashley looks down at her real watch. "It's only been a couple of hours. It's not that late."  
  
"Oh...dream breaker."  
  
"Hey," Ashley shakes E.G. by the shoulder, "Get up. We've got more questions.  
  
"Ughhhh..." he slowly sits up, holding his head. "What the hell is IN that stuff?"  
  
"A little friend I like to call caffeine," Megan explains.  
  
"Yeah. E.G., pick another person."  
  
"...ohhh, my head is POUNDING," he moans, looking at the audiencde. "Eh, how about you?"  
  
He points to a previous guest on our show, Wind, who stands up and asks, "Oooo. Can I have a cookie?"  
  
"Say what?"  
  
"A Coooookie."  
  
"Oh...what cookie?"  
  
"The cookie you have in your suuuit."  
  
"What?" he rummages through the inside of his shell, pulling out a large cookie. "Gyah! Where did this come from!?"  
  
"Ahh! Can I have it!?"  
  
"No! MY cookie!"  
  
"Pleeeaseee?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I'll tell on yoouuu."  
  
"...tell who?"  
  
"Master Knives!"  
  
*GASP! "Your'e a minion, too!?"  
  
*nod  
  
"But, he never told me about hiring any new minions!"  
  
"Yeah, well, he did!"  
  
"But-but, you wouldn't tell on me, would you?"  
  
*nod  
  
"NoooOOOoooOOOooo!" he pauses, ".....gyah! Wait a minute! Why would Knives care!?"  
  
"I'm his favorite."  
  
"Nooo! Li-ga-toe is his favorite!"  
  
"He changed his mind."  
  
"Well, Knives can just KISS it! He let that stupid, no-good chicken-shit Rei-Dei kill me!"  
  
"Ahh!" Ashley screams, "Rei-DIE!!"  
  
"That little bastard!" Megan yells.  
  
"I know!"  
  
"...so........canIhavethecookie?"  
  
"No!"  
  
*sniff "Fine," she sits down. *pout  
  
E.G. Mine looks to his left, then his right, and quickly licks the cookie. "There! Now you'll be mine forever!" He hurridly puts it back into his suit.  
  
*stare  
  
"...what!? Why are you staring at me!?"  
  
"Your hair...hahahaha...it's green."  
  
"No shiiit!"  
  
"Yah," Megan adds, "And it's got this freaky-ass white stripe goin' on, too."  
  
"Hey!" he runs his fingers through his hair. "Leave it alone!" *stare "And don't ask any questions!"  
  
"...okay."  
  
*wait  
  
*wait  
  
*wait  
  
"...why is your hair green?"  
  
"I said no questions!"  
  
"It's okay, E.G. We won't judge you. Just tell us," Megan says.  
  
"...but,but........it was just so HORRIBLE!" he wails.  
  
The hosts look at each other, eyebrows raised. "What was so horrible?"  
  
"I-I...I walked IN...on Knives n Legato n Midvalley...and...oh GOD!" he cries.  
  
"It's okay. Tell us what you saw."  
  
"Well...*sniff*...I couldn't really see that much, cause it was dark. I walked into the room after I heard some strange noises coming from it. You know, to see if everything was all right. I felt my way around the room, until...until..."  
  
"Until what?"  
  
"...until I grabbed Midvalley's ass!" *sob  
  
*trying not to laugh "Well, um, what do you suppose those three were doing in there?"  
  
"You know as well as I do what they were doing in there!"  
  
"Nooo...why don't you try telling us a little more?"  
  
"...okay. Well, after touching another gung-ho gun's ass, and Midvalley the Hornfreak's ass, nonetheless, I was horrified. It would have been better if it wasn't a BARE ass."  
  
"Gyah!"  
  
"I know. So I tried to leave the room as fast as I could, but two figures blocked the door. They were Legato and Knives. From what I could tell, neither had shirts on. And Knives had a butterfly...uh, UNDERGARMENT, on."  
  
"Oh," Megan moans, "Deja-vu..."  
  
"Yeah. They said, 'Join us, E.G.' and 'Come play with us'."  
  
Ashley winces, "Ohhh, you poor little thing."  
  
*nod "Of course I didn't wanna know what the hell they meant by 'play', even though I had a pretty good idea of what it was, so I pushed them aside and booked it down the hallway as fast as I could."  
  
"Ah, Jesus..."  
  
*tear "It's so hard to live knowing I touched Midvalley's ass. Knowing...what they DO in there..." *sob  
  
"It's okay," Megan pats his arm. "........nyeh, what does that have to do with your hair, though?"  
  
He simply points to his white stripe.  
  
She looks confused.  
  
"...ohhhhh," Ashely says, "You were so scared....some of your hair turned white?"  
  
*nod  
  
"...so why is the rest green?"  
  
"Ah," he wipes a tear from his eye, "THAT. Well, you see, after my little intrusion on their 'play time', they gave me all these funny looks. Not dirty ones, though. It was like...they were asking me to come play with them. For instance, one of them whistled when I walked by, and another time, someone slapped my ass in the hallway."  
  
"Gyaaaaah."  
  
"So, I decided I needed to do something to draw their attention away from me. But I couldn't figure anything out. I was desperate. So I walked down to the store and bought me some green hair-dye. I applied it to myself, and the next thing I knew, I had green hair. ...well, except for the white stripe. That never turned green. Anyway, I just told them it was green because I didn't shower. They backed off after that." he stands up and bows, "And THAT, my friends, is my sad, sad story."  
  
"Ohhh, encore!" Megan claps wildly, "Encore!"  
  
"Thank you, thank you."  
  
Joe the Camera Guy steps away from his equipment in the back and shouts down the aisle, "Yo! Wrap it up!"  
  
"But, Jooooooeeeeee!" Megan whines, "We've only asked a few questiioooonsss!"  
  
"Yeah, but you guys took up too much time on your little Livewire spree, rememeber?"  
  
*ponderponder "........ahhhh, maaaaaaaan."  
  
"I only have a few more minutes of film left."  
  
"Okay!" Megan looks over at E.G. "Any last words before we stop?"  
  
"Well-"  
  
"Wait!" Ashley jumps out of her chair, "Lemme go get somethin'!" She runs offstage and grabs three cans of Livewire. "Here we go!"  
  
*GASP! "Liiiiiivewiiiireeee!"   
  
"Magic pooooootion!" E.G. dives for the pop.  
  
"Well, here's to psychos everywhere." Ashley raises her can.  
  
"And livewire."  
  
"And green hair dye!" They knock their cans together and down them.  
  
"NYAOOOO!" Megan rises. "Stay tuned, folks! Next time, we'll have Midvalley the Hornfreak on our show!"  
  
"What!?" E.G. shreiks. "Nooo! Keep him away from me!"  
  
"Don't worry, you'll be long gone!"  
  
"...oh."  
  
"So, until next time..."  
  
"...stay psycho..."  
  
"...and stay on livewire!" The three wave to the camera before calling it a night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...well, not really.*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: WOO-HOO! I UPDATED! YAAAAAY! .......... Long live Livewire! ^^  
  
P.S.- The 'look, we're hugging. We don't care' thing comes from the show 'Home Movies'. You should watch it sometime. It's funny. Then you'll know what I'm talking about. ^^ ...oh! And the 'with our mind' thing comes from the people at Adult Swim...sort of. O.o Well, hope you enjoyed the chapter! Midvalley's next! If you wanna ask him a question, you know what to do! Review! ^^ 


	7. Midvalley the Pinkfreak

A/N: Thanks to EVERYONE who reviewed! I love you all! *huggles* On another note... so many questions for Midvalley. X_x But, I think I got everyone in there, so it's okay! ^^ Sorry for the slow update, but I just started two new fics, so I was kinda busy with those. ...and I'm lazy...  
  
Disclaimer: Trigun = not mine. Megan, Studio, and Joe the Camera Guy = mine. Ashley = not mine. Sue = mean. Read + enjoy = review. ^^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Midvalley the Pinkfreak*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay. The scene today is, well...UNUSUAL. A terrible ruckus is being made onstage, where Megan and Ashley are setting up some musical equipment. Speakers outline the Studio and Joe the Camera Guy has a microphone and a DJ panel in the back. With a couple of finishing touches and a few last minute attachments, Ashley jumps behind her drum set and Megan straps on her electric guitar. They were now ready for the arrival of the saxophone-playing, pink shirt-wearing, right-hand-man of Legato and gung-ho gun, Midvalley the Hornfreak.  
  
A minute passes by, then another. The only sounds emitting from the stage are a few beats on the drum and a pluck or two from the guitar. The hosts look around impatiently.  
  
"Bleh! Where IS that man!?"  
  
"Pfft," Ashley taps her drum, "He's probably polishing his horn."  
  
*GASP!* "That little whore!"  
  
-.o "Aw, not like that Megan."  
  
"...he's still a whore."  
  
"Pimp."  
  
"Whore."  
  
"PIMP."  
  
"WHORE."  
  
"Pimp!"  
  
"Manwhore!"  
  
"Pimp!"  
  
"He's a manwhore AND a pimp!"  
  
"...he's a jazzman."  
  
"He's DIRTY."  
  
A tap on the microphone is heard from Joe as lights begin to flash. "Here he comes now, ladies and gentlemen! Midvalley the Hoooornfreeeeak!"  
  
A man carrying a large saxophone walks onstage, waves to some girls, and looks behind him. Seeing no furniture, he asks, "Hey ladies, where do I sit?"  
  
^^ "You don't," the shorter host states happily.  
  
"...I see." He turns his attention to the Studio, eyeing the speakers and equipment set up around him. "...SO, what's the special occasion?"  
  
"You are!" Ashley smacks a drum.  
  
*getting all girly* "Reaallly!? Oh, thanks you guys! I just LOVE to perform!" He squints at the audience as things become dark and a spotlight catches him full in the face. "And in front of all these people!"  
  
"Yep!" Megan smiles, knowing most of them are cardboard cut-outs.  
  
"Okay! And without further adeu-" he puts his lips to the instrument and begins playing some blues.  
  
Megan clutches her ears in pain, "Gyah! I'm bleeding!"  
  
"Ahh! What are you DOing!?" Ashley wails.  
  
He abruptly stops and stares at the two girls. "I'm making music."  
  
"No, NO! THIS is music!" Megan plucks fiercely at her guitar strings and Ashley goes wild on her drums. Neither are in tune with each other. The lights flash back on and flames erupt from the stage, catching a few people and a considerable number of cut-outs on fire. They play on with their horrible music, both smiling and having no idea what's going on. Joe scratches some tapes in the back and grabs the mic. "Give it up for the FREAKS!" Strobe lights turn on. People start foaming at the mouth.   
  
Midvalley frantically turns around and shreiks, "Stop it! You're giving them SEIZURES!!"  
  
They play on, Megan yelling over the roar of their instruments, "But I thought you LIKED death!"  
  
"I, I DO! Death is good! But they're the AUDIENCE! THEY LOVE MEEEEE!!!"  
  
The hosts stop what they're doing. The flashing lights cease and everything pretty much returns to normal.  
  
Ashley looks at him in disbelief, "Now what would Legato say if he heard that kind of talk?"  
  
*GASP!* "Oh shit! I forgot about him!"  
  
"You FORGOT about him!? Now what would he say about THAT!?"  
  
He clamps his hand over his mouth. "Oh SHIIIIT!!"  
  
They burst out laughing, "It's okay, relax! Have a seat!" Megan tries to snap her fingers, but since that's one of those things she can't but should be able to do (gyaaaaahh...), nothing is heard. Midvalley looks around. "I said SEAT!"  
  
*silence*  
  
"NOW!" A random Studio guy struggles to drag a couch onstage, drops it quickly, and runs back off.  
  
"We have random Studio guys?" Ashley asks.  
  
"Yeah, but the one we DO have is a cheap little bastard who only brought us a COU-CH!"  
  
*silence*  
  
"I want my chair NOW, damnit!"  
  
*moresilence*  
  
"Prick!"  
  
"No, it's okay! We'll just have to share the sofa with Midvalley!"  
  
The gung-ho gun shakes his head and holds up his heads. "No, no. I'm fine. I can stand."  
  
"You will SIT!" Megan grabs his arm and pulls him onto the couch. This convienently places him between the two hosts.  
  
Ashley looks him in the eyes, then down at his clothes, then back to his eyes. "You know your shirt is pink, right?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Good. Just wanted to inform you of that..." she looks down and up again, "Ya know, just in case you hadn't noticed."  
  
"I've noticed this for a while, thanks."  
  
Megan looks around, "Is it just me or are we missing some people from before...eh, it doesn't matter. Still looks pretty big, so how about we go to the audience for a while?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Alright!" she picks the first name that pops into her head. "Sheen Tacos!"  
  
^^ "Yay!" She jumps up. "MIDVALLEY! Are you gay!?"  
  
"Everytime..." Ashley mutters.  
  
He sighs. "Does it LOOK like I'm gay?"  
  
"...is that a trick question?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"...well, you DO wear a pink shirt..."  
  
"So what!? What's the matter with pink!?"  
  
"...it's PINK..."  
  
"Gyah! I put it in with Knives' laundry by mistake! And his SPACESUIT! It just bleeds all OVER the place! My shirt WAS white, but it got turned PINK! Okay!?"  
  
-_- ... O.O .... -_- "Forget it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Next question!"  
  
The girl sits down and another rises. ...a really tall one. She's like 5'11". That's like...TALL. Or maybe I'm just really short  
  
Whatever the case, she was wearing big black sweatpants and a sweater, had black spiky hair, weird grey eyes, and a...tail?  
  
"Hey!" Megan shouts. "Nice, uh...tail!"  
  
"The name's Raditz0! And I know, isn't it?" she turns to look at Midvalley. "Where in Kami's name did you get that saxophone!? I want it!"  
  
"I..." he pauses and looks sad for an instant. He whispers something in Ashley's ear.  
  
"Haha!"  
  
*sadness*  
  
"I mean, he can't tell you!" she pats him on the back. "If he told you, then EVERYONE would have one, and he wouldn't be special anymore."  
  
*everyone* Awwwww!  
  
"Sorry guys..."  
  
"Hey, no biggie!" she mumbles something to herself. "Um, one more question! Why is your name Hornfreak? Why would you even WANT to be called Hornfreak?"  
  
"Well, when it came time to pick our names, I thought up a couple that suited me well. Ya know, Midvalley the Sexybeast or Manbeast or just plain Sexbeast."  
  
"So why didn't you get one of those?"  
  
"It's all 'cuz of that little KID. You know, the one Wolfwood shot. Yeah, he got to pick his name first and he just HAD to pick Beast. Zazie the Beast. So I couldn't have the word Beast anywhere in my name. ...that little bastard. So then Legato made me practice playing the saxophone a lot more and slapped on the name Hornfreak."  
  
"But aren't you like Legato's favorite?" Megan asks.  
  
"It would seem so."  
  
"Then shouldn't you get first dibs on the names!?"  
  
*twitch* "Being his favorite also means getting messed with the most...I swear, he likes torturing me."  
  
"Well, he IS Legato."  
  
The girl sits down. Megan blurts out another name she can think of whose been on the show before. "Mimic12455!"  
  
The guy stands up wearing all black, including a cloak with a hood, gloves, pants, a sword on his back, and that freaky-ass gas mask that covers his entire face.   
  
"Ah, wait!" Megan screeches. "Is it mimic 12455 or mimic12355!?"  
  
He just stands there and breathes through his mask.  
  
"What's with that man!?"  
  
*breath*  
  
"...you're creepy. Anyway, from now on I shall call you mimic!"  
  
"Right. Midvalley...you're sax. How do you get it to make that shockwave and what does a B-flat do?"  
  
"Oh, this?" He picks up the instrument. "It doesn't really make SHOCKwaves. All you have to do is get it to link with the physical sensation of pain and you're all set!"  
  
"So what exactly does the B-flat DO?"  
  
He picks it up. "Would you like me to show you?"  
  
"Gyah! NO!" Megan pulls him back into the seat. "That's okay, we don't need anymore damage to the Studio!"  
  
"It's pretty much what he said before, mimic. Only he can direct it at someone using certain keys," explains Ashley.  
  
*breath* "Thanks." *breath* He sits down.  
  
"Creepy bastard..."  
  
"I'd say it's time for one off a card. How about you, Megan?"  
  
"...cards suck."  
  
"Yeah, well, that's what happens when your reviewers don't add any descriptions or you're too dumb enough to find it." She takes out a card. "SaraWolf wants to know 'why your saxophone is named Sylvia...LOL'."  
  
"...what's LOL mean?"  
  
"Laugh out loud, man."  
  
"Oh. ...what is she laughing about!?"  
  
Megan laughs herself. "Er, I'm sure it's nothing. ...hahaha."  
  
O.o "Right. Well, I named this baby Sylvia since it's such a nice *COUGHsexyCOUGH* name. She's the love of my life, what can I say?"  
  
"Got a cold?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Oh...really?"  
  
"Yeah, wanna see?" she goes into position to cough on him, but is stopped by a hand over her mouth.  
  
"No Megan! We don't want the Studio to get your disease!"  
  
"What!? I'm DISEASED!?"  
  
"You've got a cold!"  
  
"Gyah! Armagedon! ARM-a-FREAKIN'-GEDON!"  
  
o.o;; "...yeah. So that's why I named it that."  
  
Megan stops screaming. "No, I bet you call it a girl name so people don't think you're gay."  
  
"What!? No! She's my sweet-heart!" He starts carressing the weapon.  
  
o.- "Aw man. Go rub your horn somewhere else."  
  
"And stop referring to it as 'her'!"  
  
The hosts shout in unison: "Sicko!"  
  
He stops what he's doing and looks around like he's confused. "What? What just happened?"  
  
"You were doing dirty things..."  
  
"...touching your horn..."  
  
"...you dirty little bird."  
  
"Okay, how about another audience question? ...and this time ask something about ME and not my sax! Don't you love me any moooorrrreee!?"  
  
A couple of people raise their hands.  
  
"...you suck."  
  
"Be nice Midvalley!"  
  
"Fine," he points to a girl, about 5'7'' (I need some platform shoes. you people make me feel short.), with long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail and blue eyes, wearing black and red clothing with chains 'n' some other nifty shit.  
  
"Hey! I'm QuietOne! And, uh..." she faces the gung-ho gun with a raised eyebrow. "Are you trying to imitate John Travolta in 'Grease' with that black suit and pink shirt?"  
  
The hosts burst out laughing. Midvalley ignores them. "No, I am not. For one, I'm much more handsome than this John guy, whoever you're talking about. And another, I already told you, it was an accident that my shirt turned pink."  
  
"Why don't you just get a new one?"  
  
"Well, uh..." he looks around nervously but brightens up after a moment. "I wear pink 'cuz it gets all the ladies!"  
  
*everyone sweatdrops*  
  
"Yeah, maybe on Planet Gunsmoke," Ashley interrupts, "But here if you're a guy and you wear pink, you're pretty much a queer-bait."  
  
"...queer-bait?"  
  
"Bait for queers, my good son. Bait for queers."  
  
"Oh God..."  
  
"Yeah. One more question from the audience, please!" Ashley picks a girl with short brown hair and eyes, wearing a black shirt with white writing that says 'I'm glad I'm not your child' (nice! XD) and dark blue jeans.  
  
"Hi, I'm Kay!"  
  
"Hey Kay!"  
  
"Okay Midvalley. So you play the saxophone and wear a hot pink shirt. ...do you have a crush on Knives?"  
  
*falls over* "Do I have a gay arua or something here!?"  
  
"...well, yeah."  
  
"I didn't ask you! And NO, I do not have a crush on Knives or anyone else under his power!"  
  
"Now what would Legato say if he heard you talking about Knives like that? Or him and the gung-ho guns even?"  
  
"Well he's not here, so that's just too damn bad!"  
  
"Bwa hahahahaha...that's just what you THINK."  
  
"What?"  
  
Joe taps on the microphone again and announces, "Here he is once again folks, Legato Bluesummers!"  
  
Midvalley gasps of shock as his master storms onstage with a picture held tightly in one hand. To his great horror, he begins shouting, "Midvalley! You do not speak like that of Master and his minions! I should KILL you!"  
  
"No, no! Please!" He begs.  
  
"Fine. I won't KILL you. ..but I might just show everyone this picture..." he flashes it at him and grins.  
  
"No," his eyes grow wide, "You can't! That'll ruin everything....all the hot babes, my image, EVERYTHING!"  
  
"Ha haha haha haaaaaa."  
  
"O-Okay. I won't say anything like that ever again about anyone you don't want me to."  
  
"That's better." He pats his minion on the head and takes a seat. The couch was beginning to become quite crowded.  
  
"OW!" Megan screeches as one of Legato's shoulder spikes pokes her. "Watch it!"  
  
"........"  
  
"Oh, oh! I have a question!" Ashley squeezes her way off the sofa and stands up. "What's the most bizzare thing Li-ga-toe has ever made you do?"  
  
The implied man raises an eyebrow. "...Li-ga-toe?"  
  
"Yes! Li-ga-toe!"  
  
"...my name is Legato. Legato Bluesummers. Do not call me otherwise."  
  
"...LI-GA-TOE!"  
  
"Shut-up!" He makes her slap herself.  
  
"LI-" *slap* "-GA-" *slap* "-TOOOEEEE!" *slap*  
  
*sigh* "While were on the subject of myself..." *ponderponder* "...I think perhaps the most bizzare thing I've ever made Midvalley the Hornfreak do is recorded in this picture..."  
  
"No!"  
  
"...but I won't show it to you. ..hahaha."  
  
"Well, give us at least ONE crazy thing you made him do!"  
  
"...hmmm. I suppose making him play the triangle very loudly outside of Master's bedroom door was quite bizarre."  
  
"Hey, I still got bruises from that."  
  
"I know," he pauses and then smiles widely. "Oh, and another time, I hid Master's suit in Midvalley's quarters! He came storming into his room in the middle of the night with nothing on but a towel! He was PISSED!"   
  
"YOU did that!?"  
  
"Yes. Yes I did." He replies in his normal voice.  
  
^^ "Li-ga-toe, you're bad!"  
  
"I know. Isn't it just delicious?"  
  
"NO, it is NOT!" Midvalley shouts. "I still got WELTS from that one!"  
  
"...hahahahahaha."  
  
"...well, those weren't the WORST ones." He explains. "He did the most horrid thing imaginable another time. I remember it so clearly...oh GOD!"  
  
"Did he rip off your arm and re-attach it?" Megan asks  
  
"No."  
  
"Did he make you clean out the Thomas stables?"  
  
"No."  
  
*confused* "Then what did he do!?"  
  
"He made me wear BLUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
*faints* "That's IT!?"  
  
"Yeah! Isn't it HORRIBLE!?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"...yes it IS!"  
  
"No it ISN'T!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Aha!"  
  
"Damn you!" Megan points.  
  
Legato sighs loudly. "Midvalley, I am tired. Take me home."  
  
"...but Legaatoooooooo..."  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Gyah! Yes sir!" He throws the man over his back and runs out of the Studio.  
  
o.o "...that was strange."  
  
"Yes it was."  
  
The hosts exchange glances.  
  
"A one, two, ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"  
  
They start playing again. The strobe lights are back on. More people have seizures. Some stuff catches on fire.   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"   
  
People scream and fall over each other trying to get to the exits and sirens are heard in the distance.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...until next time*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Okay! Listen up! The next show will take place in the HOSPITAL! XD Oh yeah, we'll have lots of fun there. Next up is Caine the Longshot! You wanna ask him a question? Then review and add it in there. All audience questions will be on cards in the next episode since we can't take everyone to the hospital. ^^;; Sorry.  
  
Oh yes. Some of the ideas in here belong to Ashley, but since it's late and I have other stuff to do (coughLAZYASScough), I'm not going to list them. If you want the specifics, ask her. Okay. *waves* Goodnight! 


	8. Field Trip to the Hospital

A/N: *flying tackles* I love yooouuuuu! It makes me so happy when you review! ^^ As promised, here's Caine the Longshot!  
  
Eriks: I didn't include you??? Did you have a question? *looks at reviews* Erm, you have to review a question to be on the show. ^^;; But don't worry, since you have a question this time, you'll be on it! Sorry for the confusion.  
  
Mimic: O.O Ooooo, I want a pictuuureee! (kooshball117@aol.com)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Field Trip to the Hospital*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*bump* *bump* *bump* *bu-  
  
"Stop bumping!"  
  
*silence*  
  
"That's better."  
  
"Ow, my ass is sore."  
  
"That's because this stupid ambulance is too BUMPY!"  
  
"Why are we in an ambulance again?"  
  
"We gave people seizures at the Studio. And set things on fire. And Midvalley blew some stuff up after the show. And-"  
  
"All right, all right! I remember!" Megan twiddles her thumbs. "...but why are we in an ambulance?"  
  
"It was either ride to the hospital with the victims or go to jail."  
  
"...so we're not really injured?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"We're just pretending to be?"  
  
"That's right."  
  
"...wow! We're goin' to the hos-pi-tal!"  
  
*smacks self in forehead*  
  
"It's like a field trip! Yaaay!"  
  
::::::::::15 MINUTES LATER::::::::::  
  
The two hosts scamble out of the ambulance. Megan starts running towards the hospital.  
  
"Megan! Stop!"  
  
She comes to a halt in mid-run. "Wha?"  
  
"You have to be convincing!"  
  
"Oooo! Okay!" She starts waddling to the doors.  
  
"Oh come on! It looks like you have a stick up your ass!"  
  
"Hey! Don't make fun of my special abilities!"  
  
"Whatever." Ashley follows with a limp.  
  
They enter the hospital and sit on some waiting benches in the front. A nurse sees them and asks if they have an appointment.  
  
"Um, yeah, we do!"  
  
"With what doctor?"  
  
"Umm..." Megan nudges her friend. "What doctor are we seeing?"  
  
"We're seeing Doctor, uh..." She looks around and sees a commercial for Taco Bell on the TV. "...Tacos!"  
  
"Oh, you mean Ms. Tacos?" The nurse asks.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
The employee looks doubtful for an instant and looks down at her papers. "Ms. Tacos may seem a little...FUNNY today. She's had several bottles of Livewire." She leans over and whispers. "I seriously doubt her skills. If you have any trouble, come to the main office and let me know."  
  
"Okay, we will. Thanks!"  
  
"Um, could you tell us where her room is?"  
  
"Of course! Follow me." She leads them down a long corridor to the right of the entrance. "She's just inside here."  
  
"Thanks again!" They open the door and walk inside. A man attached to an IV sits in bed, orange fluid running through the tubes.   
  
Ashley stares at the liquid. "Hey, that kinda looks like-"  
  
"-livewwiiiireeeeee!" The nurse whips around to reveal none other than...*GASP!*...Sheen Tacos!?  
  
"Holy crap! How'd you get in here!?" Megan screams.  
  
^^ "Just put on a suit, said a couple of big words, and now I'm a nurse!"  
  
"That's awesome!"  
  
"Yeah!" She looks at the hosts. "So what are you guys in for?"  
  
"Eh, we just wanted to come to the hospital...and not get our asses sued."  
  
"Ahhh." She looks them up and down, scribbling on a piece of paper. "Alright! I'll just send this in!"  
  
"What'd you write down?"  
  
^^ "Both your legs are broken!"  
  
"Oh, sweet!"  
  
"What!?" Ashley screeches. "How are we gonna walk around then!?"  
  
"Wheelchairs!" She points to two in the corner.  
  
^^ "Aw, now we can have races 'n' shit!"  
  
"Yaaaayyyy!" ^^  
  
*silence*  
  
*coughcough*  
  
*shift*  
  
"...SO. ...where's Caine?"  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Ooooo! Caine!? He should be here right, about, NOW!" Sheen Tacos screams and points to the door. It's thrown open and in steps Caine the Longshot.  
  
"Yaaay! Now we can do an interview AND screw around!"  
  
"Oh, oh! I have a question for Caaiinne!" She waves her hand widly in the air.  
  
"First audience question...Sheen Tacos!"  
  
^^ "Alright! Cainnee, can I have your guunnnn!?"  
  
He taps his foot on the ground once and remains silent.  
  
"Heey, answer meeeeee!"  
  
*tap*  
  
"Come ooonnn!"  
  
*TAP*  
  
"Gyah! I know what he's doing!" Megan looks at the gung-ho gun. "Morse code, right?"  
  
*tap*  
  
"No, no!" Ashley interrupts. "He's speaking Caine!"  
  
O.o "Whaat?"  
  
"Caine! Don't you remember it from school?"  
  
*ponderponder* "...my God, you're right! That one course in middle school!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Okay, I think we can safely assume one tap means 'no'."  
  
"And two means yes?" Ashley asks Caine.  
  
*tap tap*  
  
"Yaaay! We is smarts!" ^^  
  
Sheen Tacos looks disappointed. "I can't have your gun?"  
  
*tap*  
  
"Damnit!"   
  
"Well, nice talkin' to you Sheen Tacos!"  
  
"You're leaving me!?"  
  
"Yeah, we have to go explore the hos-pi-tal!"  
  
Okay! Here's the wheelchairs!" She slides them over to the hosts. "Have fun!"  
  
"Don't worry, we will!"   
  
And with that, the girls sat in the wheelchairs and took off.  
  
...not.  
  
"Son of a bitch! Work damn you!" Megan bangs the sides of her wheelchair.  
  
"Ahhhh! Go, GO!"  
  
They both stop what they're doing and look up at Caine with puppy dog eyes. "Cainey, will you pleeease push us?"  
  
He hesitates, but grabs each chair with one hand and rolls them out of the room.  
  
"Yay!"  
  
"Thank you Cainey-poo!"  
  
A minute passes by. They get nowhere.  
  
"Come on Caine, faster!"  
  
He quickens his pace.  
  
"Faster!"  
  
*faster*  
  
"FASTEEEERRRR!"  
  
He breaks out into a run.  
  
"WEEEEEEHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
"Kay! Now let us go!"  
  
"What!?" Megan screeches.  
  
"We'll have a race!"  
  
^^ "Sweet! Let go Caine!"  
  
He releases the handles and the hosts go flying down the hallway.  
  
"Holy shiiiitttt!"  
  
"WEEEHHHHH!"  
  
"We're gonna diiiieeee!"  
  
"WEEHHHHH!"  
  
"GYAAAAHHH!"  
  
"WEEEEEEHHH!"  
  
They run smack into the wall.  
  
"...ow."  
  
"WEEEEEHHHH!"  
  
"Shut-up Megan!"  
  
"...weh."  
  
They crawl out of their chairs and stand up.  
  
"Well, that's it for using those."  
  
*sniff* "Poor little traveling devices!"  
  
"This calls for another audience question!" Ashley pulls a card out of her pocket. "Sarowolf wants to know 'Why do you wear that mask? Did you have an accident with macaroni?'"  
  
Caine walks up and nods sadly.  
  
"Aw, poor Caine!"  
  
"Yes!" Ashley goes into explanation mode. "He had a terrible accident with macaroni, burning his face, and has forever since been horribly scarred!"  
  
"Oh, you're like the ugly duckling, aren't you?"  
  
*nod*  
  
"I feel for you man!" Megan pats him on the back. "So, have you eaten macaroni since then?"  
  
*tap* *rap knock shove* (No, those bastards.)  
  
"Didn't think so."  
  
They start walking down the hall, looking for something to do.  
  
"So, Caine. Let's see if you can understand this." Ashley begins making obscene gestures. *tap tap knock thppt rap rap bang crash* "...you?" (Have you ever considered plastic surgery?)  
  
*tap tap* *rap knock bang* (Yes, at one point in time.)  
  
*knock screech* (Why didn't you?)  
  
*skid bang scoff tap* *crash bang knock* (The mask fits me better. It's more menacing.)  
  
*screech* (Suuure.)  
  
He stares at her. *TAP TAP SKID BANG KNOCK RAP BANG* (Yes it is!)  
  
"Guys, slow down! I can't understand you!"  
  
*KNOCK RAP BANG*  
  
*CRASH SKID SCOFF*  
  
*TAP TAP CRASH SCREECH BANG SQUEAK!  
  
"Squeak?"  
  
*SQUEAK!*  
  
"Pfft, I'm lost."  
  
In unison: *SKID!!*  
  
"Shut-up!"  
  
They both look at Megan.  
  
"Stop talking in that stupid Morse crap!"  
  
*tap*  
  
"It's Caine! The language is called CAINE!"  
  
"Eaugh. Are we gonna continue or what?"  
  
"...alright."  
  
Ashley and the gung-ho gun exchange death glares before moving on.  
  
Megan pulls out a card and reads as they walk. "Um, let's see. Legacy R. Bluesummers asks 'Where did you get your cape and how much did it cost?'"  
  
He runs his hands along the wall to communicate. *tap*  
  
"...no?"  
  
*tap*  
  
"You're not going to tell us?"  
  
...*tap tap*  
  
"Cool. Where'd you get it?"  
  
*rap knock crash band punch*  
  
"Wait, what?"  
  
"He said he made it himself." Ashley explains.  
  
O.O "Seriously? That's insanity! How much did the materials cost?"  
  
...*crash*  
  
"You STOLE them!? ...er, wait, you're a gung-ho gun. You do that kind of stuff. Well, then good job Caine! It, uh, looks really nice!"  
  
*tap tap* *bang tap* (Yes. I know.)  
  
"Ah, wait a mintue." Megan turns over the card. "Her partner in crime Denisuko wants to know 'Why do you wear that mask thingymajigger?'"  
  
He looks sad.  
  
"Yes, and we already know it's from the macaroni. Poor, poor little Caine." Ashley comforts him.  
  
They were nearing the end of the hallway. "Ah! One more question!" She whips out a card. "This one's from...Sheen Tacos? Again? Seems we forgot to answer one of her questions. Anyway, she wanted to ask 'why is your gun so long and won't people see it?'"  
  
*tap knock rap bang rap rap crash* (I like long things. They're spiffy.)  
  
"Haha. Did Caine the Longshot just say something's SPIFFY!?"  
  
*tap*, *TAP!* (No, NO!)  
  
"Oh ho, yes you did!"  
  
...*bang*  
  
"It's okay. And the second question is..."  
  
He suddenly disappears.  
  
^^ "...he can turn himself and his stuff invisible!"  
  
"Gyah! That's so cool!" Ashley starts swatting at the air, trying to find him.  
  
"Oh man, we can have some fun with this one." Megan finds him and grabs his arm. The three run over to a room where five people are sitting up in hospital beds.  
  
Megan leans over and whispers. "Okay Caine, go in there and make a bunch of noise."  
  
"Yeah! And throw stuff!"  
  
"The beauty of it...they won't be able to see you! BWA HAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Okay Caine, in you go!" Ashley opens the door slightly and shoves him inside.  
  
Within moments the people are screaming.  
  
"Oh my God! We're all gonna die!"  
  
"Poltergeist! POLTERGEIST!"  
  
"Save uusssss!"  
  
"The spaceship is coming!"  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
The hosts fall over laughing.   
  
"Ah, Caine, hurry up!"  
  
"Yeah, come on! We have more work to do!"  
  
The door swings open and the three commence running down the hallway.  
  
Megan pulls out a card and reads to the running gung-ho gun "Aurus wants to know 'Isn't that gun a little awkward to carry around with you? I mean, I know it shrinks up like a telescope and stuff, but wouldn't it weigh like a thousand pounds!?'"  
  
Caine turns visible for a second, whips out his gun (heheh), and tosses it over to Megan.  
  
She falls to the ground. "Ah! Get it off me!" She attempts to shove the shrunken version off. "You heavy bastard!"  
  
Caine picks it up with ease and puts it back over his shoulder.  
  
"No, I don't think it's too awkward for little Caine here!" Ashley shouts as they begin running again.  
  
Megan rubs her ass. "Ow, that hurt! Ashley, ask a question!"  
  
She reads off a card. "Eriks wants to know 'Can you kill my little brother? He's absolutely annoying!'"  
  
*tap*  
  
"Why not!?"  
  
*rap knock thppt* (That wouldn't be nice, now would it?)  
  
"Oh, I see how it is, you sarcastic little shit!"  
  
Ashley stops the other two with her arm. "Stop! Here's another room!"  
  
They look inside, where an old woman is attached to a life support system.  
  
"Yes! Okay, Caine! Go in and just stand over her and breath all creepy!"  
  
"Ooo, nice Ashley! Oh, oh! You should point at her with your finger, too! Like Death!"  
  
He nods and enters the room. The woman opens her eyes and gasps in horror.  
  
"Stay, stay away from me!"  
  
He gets closer and points his finger at her.  
  
"No! I'm not ready! Get back!"  
  
He looms over her and breathes deeply.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
Something similar to a snicker escapes from Caine before he rushes out of the room.  
  
"Geez, you almost gave her a heart attack!"  
  
"Haha! FUN!"  
  
They stand in the hallway and look around.  
  
Megan rummages through her pocket and takes out another card. "I knew we missed one! Um, Mimic wonders 'Where did you get that gun? It's friggin' huge! How do you carry it around and how do you move it while laying down?'"  
  
He looks ashamed (as much as he can with his mask on) and taps his foot once.  
  
"No what?"  
  
*tap rap crash* (I'm not telling where I got my gun.)  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
...*rap* (...E-bay.)  
  
"What!? You got it on E-bay!? What, do you like type in 'really huge frikkin sniper guns' in the search engine or what!?"  
  
*skid screech scoff* (That's all I'm telling you.)  
  
"Fine...you, you big MEANY!"  
  
*bang tap slap* (I know I am!)  
  
"Pfft." She crosses her arm. "Just answer the rest of the question."  
  
He whips out his gun once again, but this times makes it extend to its full length.  
  
Ashley stares at it. "Shiinnnyyyyy!"  
  
"Holy crap! It's touching the other end of the hallway!"  
  
*nod* He lays down and looks through it. Suddenly, it moves to the left, smacking Megan's leg.  
  
"Ow! Son of a bitch!"  
  
*drool* "Shhhiiinnnyyyy."  
  
She rubs her leg. "Apparently, Caine moves it with much ease!"  
  
He just shrugs and stands up. He jerks back on the gun and it scrunches back into its former, smaller state.  
  
"...I don't like you."  
  
The speaker intercom comes on. An angry voice blares out of it."Will Ms. Megan and Ashley please come to the main office right NOW!!"  
  
"Oh shit! They must've figured out it was us!"  
  
"Shhhiinnyyyyy."  
  
"Ashley! What do we do!?"  
  
"Shhhinnnyyyyyyyy."  
  
"Gyah!" Megan looks frantically around. Her gaze rests on Caine's cloak. "That's it!" She grabs Ashley and steps over to the gung-ho gun. "Caine! Cover us up and get us out of here!"  
  
He nods and turns the three invisible without a sound. They begin walking to the exit.  
  
"Phew. I thought we weren't gonna make it!"  
  
"...shhiinnnyyy?"  
  
"No! No shiny!" She looks around through Caine's cloak. "...did we happen to forget something?"  
  
:::::::::BACK IN THE HALLWAY:::::::::  
  
Joe the camera man looks around. "Where did they go?" He walks out of the hospital. "Eh, they probably went back to the Studio. I'll just meet 'em there." He looks down at the camera. "Well, once again, hoped you enjoyed the show! Next time we'll be back at the Studio to interview Dominique the Cyclops! Goodnight!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...until NEXT time!*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: *GASP!* What will Megan and Ashley find when they return to the Studio!? How will they go on with their show!? Tune in next time to find out!  
  
...no, but really folks, hoped you liked it. Review if you got a question for Dominique! ^^ Oh, and the language of Caine originates from ASHLEY and the E-bay thing and macaroni incident belong to her as well.   
  
XD REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEEEWWWW! XD 


	9. Crushes and Invisible Slapping

A/N: Sloooowwww...laaazzzyyyy...GYAH! *slaps self* Hello! Thanks for all the reviews, couldn't go on without 'em! And sorry for the slow update, but I've been kinda busy and I wanted to wait for everyone to be able to ask a question...yeah. Takes some people a while to review. I know some haven't reviewed yet, but I wanted to do this chapter, so sorry. ^^;; Oh, and nice picture mimic! It was coooool! Nehoo, to answer some questions:  
  
-Yes, you'll all have the opportunity to ask characters some stuff if you missed the chance to before. We're gonna have a special last episode where everyone comes on the show! It's gonna be craaazzyyyyyyy! XD (oh yeah. please don't review the stuff you wanna ask the characters you missed before until the after the second to last episode. that way all the reviews for that one will be together. thank you! ^^)  
  
-Bwa hahahahaha! I was waiting for someone to ask about the insurance girls! *evil grin* What DID happen to them? Read and find out!  
  
Disclaimer: NO OWN TRIGUN! *cowers from Raditz* No, don't beat me with the ugly stick! Here's the new chapter with Dominique! ^^ Enjoy!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Crushes and Invisible Slapping*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, it turns out the Studio was in more of a mess than the hosts had anticipated. They left the previous show in a hurry due to the fact they didn't want their asses sued for setting people on fire and giving them seizures. The scene they left behind then was very different than the scene they saw now. You could say it appeared more, um...  
  
"...dirty?" Megan asks as her and Ashley step into the mess that was now their Studio. "Is it just me or is this place more dirty?"  
  
"Well, it's hard to tell..." She looks at the charred remains of the back wall "...um, maybe?"  
  
Megan looks at the left wall. "Oh shiiiiiiiiitt." She walks quickly over to it, pulls a remote out from her pocket, and presses the red button. The secret door opens and she steps inside.  
  
"Megan, what are you doing!?"  
  
"Um, Ashley. When's the last time we fed the insurance girls?"  
  
"...uh-oh." She whips out a packet of papers and starts flipping through them. "Let's see." She stops on one of the later pages. "Looks like they haven't eaten anything since chapter five."  
  
"That explains it."  
  
"Explains what?"  
  
"Get some food and come over here...you might wanna see this."  
  
She rushes offstage...well, what looks like offstage, grabs some food and heads back over to the wall. She steps inside with the tray and nearly drops it in surprise. "Dammmnnnn."  
  
There were the two starving insurance girls. Millie was sitting on the floor gnawing at her arm, mumbling something about pudding. Meryl was standing in the corner, facing the wall.  
  
"...is it dead?" Megan walks cautiously over to the smaller woman. She reaches out and turns her around. "Hellloooo?" She goes to poke her when Meryl's hand flies up and grabs her arm. "Ah! Demon! Deemooooon!"  
  
"Vash?" She looks around wearily. "VashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVash?"  
  
"DEMMOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN!!"  
  
"Vaaaaaaaaaaaaaash?"  
  
"DEMOOOOOOOOOO-"  
  
*WHACK!*  
  
Megan slumps unconscious to the floor. Ashley stands over her with a frying pan. "Erm, how'd that get here?" She throws it over her shoulder and takes out the food. "Um...here ya go!" She shoves it at Meryl and drags her friend out the room.   
  
"VashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVashVaaaaaaaaaaassshhhhh..."   
  
The wall closes. Ashley slaps Megan to wake her up.  
  
"-OOOONNNNNNNNNNN!" She looks around. "I mean...what was I talking about?"  
  
"You were calling Meryl a demon."  
  
"Oh yeah.....DEEMMOOOOOOOOOOON! DEMON! DEMONDEMONDEMON!" *gasp* "DEEEEE MMMMMOOOOO NNNNNNNNN! DEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOO" *gasp* "OOOOOOOOO" *gasp* "OOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"  
  
"...done already?"  
  
"Nope." *clears throat* "DE-"  
  
"YES YOU ARE!" Ashley slaps her hand over her mouth. In the back, a crowd of people are waiting to be told what to do. "Umm...Joe! Over there!" She points to a far corner. "Random Studio Guy, come here!" He runs over. She points to the right and he goes offstage. "And all the rest of you...um, let's see..." She looks around the Studio for somewhere to direct them. "Just a minute." She uncovers her friend's mouth. "Where should the audience sit?"  
  
"DEMON! I mean, uh..." She looks around. "Okay everyone! Just take a seat where the old audience seats were and pray nothin' sharp crawls up your ass!"  
  
A few mumbles are heard from the guests as they proceed to sit amongst the rubble. Someone screams and runs out of the Studio clutching their bum. Another squeaks in pain, but stays seated. Everyone quiets down within a few minutes.  
  
"Alright, alright! I think it's time we get on with the interview!"  
  
"Yeah! Give it up for Dominique the Cyclops!" Everyone claps. ......nothing happens.  
  
"Wait...did we even ask her to come on our show yet?"  
  
"Yeah. You did yesterday."  
  
"Nooo. You did yesterday."  
  
"Hold on. I thought you called her."  
  
"I thought YOU called her."  
  
"Oh, goddamnit..." Ashley takes out her cell phone and dials Dominique's number. "Yeah, hi. This is Ashley. No, you don't know me. Yes, that would be nice. No, I was thinking more along the lines of five minutes. No? You're busy? Oh, you're not busy? Oh, I see. Yeah. No, no, it's okay. Alright, maybe we can talk again some other time. Wait, what's that supposed to mean?"   
  
*BLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP*  
  
"Prick! She hung up on me!"  
  
"Oh, gimme the goddamn phone!" Megan snatches it out of her hand and hits re-dial. "Yeah, hi. This is Megan. No. I'm a friend of Ashley's, she just called. What? No, nothing like that. Wait, don't you hang up on me! BEEEOOTCCHHH! Oh, that got your attention didn't it? Yeah, we're doin' a show. No sicko. Not that kinda show. An interview show. You know, we ask questions, you answer them. Sure. Of course. No. Of course not. Hey, don't gimme that bullshit! Get your ass over here right now! You will? YEAH! I mean, please hurry. We'll be waiting. Alright, bye."  
  
Ashley stares at her.  
  
"...what? Don't look at me like that."  
  
"Did you get her?"  
  
"Yeah. Should be over here in fi-"  
  
A blur races across the stage and Dominique materializes.   
  
"...forget that. Well, here she is ladies and gentlemen, Dominique the Cyclops!"   
  
*cheering*  
  
The gung-ho gun waves. "Thank you, thank you. I'm here till Friday."  
  
"Hey Domi!"  
  
"What!? Who said that?"  
  
"I did!" Sheen Tacos stands up from her seated position.   
  
"Don't call me Domi!"  
  
"Okay Domi!" *takes a swig from a liter of livewire* "Hey, what's with the eye!? Are you tryin' to be the terminator's girlfriend or something!?"  
  
"No you insolent brat! It's my weapon!" She opens her demon's eye and disappears momentarily. A resounding slap is heard from the audience and she re-appears onstage.  
  
"Ow! What was that for Domi!?" Sheen Tacos shrieks and rubs her cheek.  
  
"I said don't call me Domi!"  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Ow! Okay, okay!"  
  
The woman smirks. Megan stares. "Hey. You have a piece of your lip missing."  
  
"What?" She covers her mouth. "N-no I don't."  
  
"Ah-ho! Yes you do!"  
  
"No I DON'T!"  
  
*SLAP!*  
  
"Hey, you can't do that! I'm the Host!"  
  
*another smirk*  
  
Megan points. "See, see!? I told you! You don't have a whole lip! HAHA! Did someone bite it off!?"  
  
She blushes.  
  
"Hey Domi!" Sheen Tacos yells from the audience. "Can I have your Demon's Eye!?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Oh, I forgot to say hi!" Megan turns to the girl. "Hi Sheen Tacos!"  
  
"No no! Shuurei no Senshi!"  
  
"Sure-I-no-what?"  
  
"Suurei no Senshi! It means 'goes all batoussai on everything and nothing'!"  
  
O.O...^_^ "That's awesome! Thanks for the question Shuurei no Senshi!"  
  
"You're welcome!"  
  
"Hey! We were on to somethin' a minute ago!" Ashley shouts. "You said somethin' about someone biting off a part of her lip and she blushed!"  
  
"I didn't blush..." Her cheeks grow red.  
  
"Yes you did! Just like you are now!"  
  
"I'm not blushing..." They grow even redder.  
  
"Yes you are!!"  
  
"Shut-up! So what if I'm blushing! It doesn't mean I have a crush on Legato!"  
  
*gasp!* "Who ever said anything about you liking Legato!?"  
  
"Hey! Shhh! He might hear you!"  
  
Megan joins in. "Legato and Domiii, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage-"  
  
"Shut-up!"  
  
"-then comes a baby in a baby carriage! That's not all, that's not all! They are drinking al-co-hol!"  
  
"Well, I DO do that..."  
  
"That's not it, that's not it! They are killing little shits!"  
  
"Hey, I like where this song is going..."  
  
"She kills a bunch 'a' people with her fast reflexes!"  
  
"Yes! Keep going!"  
  
"Then she goes home and has S-E-X!"  
  
"No I don't! Shut-UP! That doesn't even rhyme!"  
  
"...it almost does..."  
  
"Well it doesn't, so you suck." She sticks out her tongue.  
  
"Pfft. You're so mature."  
  
"Who ever said I was mature?"  
  
"Legato told me."  
  
"What!? WHAT HAS HE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT US!?"  
  
"So," Ashley cuts in, "You and Legato ARE special friends...hint hint wink wink nudge nudge."  
  
"No! Will you people just stop it already!?"  
  
"Hey! I wanna know why you think you've even got a CHANCE with Legato! Because you DON'T! *grr* EVER!"   
  
"What the hell!? Now who said THAT!?"  
  
"I did!" Raditz jumps up.   
  
"What did I ever do to you!? Leave me alone!"  
  
"Oh, me next!" A girl with pale skin wearing mostly black stands up. "So then it IS true! You have a crush on Legato Bluesummers!"  
  
"NOOOoooOOOOooOOOO!" The gung-ho gun screams dramatically and falls to the floor.  
  
Everyone becomes silent.  
  
Megan crouches down and pokes her. "Hey, we were just teasing."  
  
"Heheh. No we weren't."  
  
"Shut up Ashley!"  
  
*sniffle* "Were you really?"  
  
"Yeah. Now come on, we've got an interview to do!"  
  
She jumps up a little too enthusiastically. "Alright! Here we go!"  
  
"Pfft. What are you now, an actress?"  
  
"Stop being mean to our guest!" Megan glares at her before turning back to Dominique. "Oh, what the hell. She's right. Why are you all like...woo-hoo! Look at my acting! I've got some skill man!"  
  
She looks hurt for a moment. "What, you don't like it?"  
  
"Well..."  
  
"...noo..."  
  
"...not really."  
  
They shake their heads in unison.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I was just trying it out."  
  
"...trying what out?"  
  
"Acting like a teacher."  
  
"GYAH! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT!? CHILDREN ARE EVVIIIIILLLLLLLLL!!!" Megan screeches.  
  
O.o "So anyway, when I was a little younger I wanted to be a first grade teacher. But it really didn't work out..."  
  
"Ooo! Details, details!"  
  
"Well, I went in for a day and everything was fine until the kids arrived."  
  
*sweatdrop* "Yeah, bummer you had to have kids in your class."  
  
"I know! I was all like 'get away from me mofos'! But that just made 'em cry and they were starting to really get out of my nerves."  
  
-.o "Just the thought of crying children makes me cringe."  
  
"So you can imagine what I was going through! That was when I just snapped and started throwing crap. I didn't hit anybody, but I had my demon's eye...I was a gung-ho gun then...and they couldn't see me so they started crying louder and I went home and I kinda, well..."  
  
"You kinda well what?"  
  
"...IkindofaskedKnives-samatoblowuptheschoolandthenhedidandeveryonewentboomandigotintroubleandtheykickedmeout. Andtheniwasbroke."  
  
O.O "Alright, that hurt just to listen to you talk that fast."  
  
*sticking finger in her ear* "Yeah, don't do that again."  
  
"Ohsosorry."  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"Hey, I have one more question!" The last audience member shouts. "Oh yeah, I'm Pudding333! How the heck did the eye behind your eyepatch turn all red? Is it some side-effect of wearing the actual eyepatch?"  
  
"Nope. It's the only color they had."  
  
o.O "The only color they had?"  
  
"Yeah, I wanted this really gorgeous blue color, but red's the only one they had in stock."  
  
"Oh...that sucks."  
  
"Eh, it's grown on me."  
  
The Studio suddenly shakes.   
  
"What the hell was that?"  
  
It shakes again.  
  
"Whatever's doing that, cut it out!"  
  
*BOOM!* A hole is made in the ceiling and mimic jumps down from it.   
  
"Jesus Christ! Will you stop doing that!?"  
  
He looks back at the chunk of ceiling he made collapse. "Oh, sorry about that."  
  
"Well, did you have a question?"  
  
"Yeah. Dominique, how did you get your eye and what exactly does it do?"  
  
"Oh, well Knives ordered it in from-" She stops in mid-sentence. "Actually, I can't tell you where he got it from, but it was his idea. Then Legato took it over from there and now I have the Demon's Eye." She gets all starry-eyed. "He was so nice and gentllleee..."  
  
O.O "Whoa. She's in denial."  
  
She comes back to reality. "I mean...he was mean and rough and just JAMMED it in there."  
  
The hosts burst out laughing.  
  
"Oh geez, what now?"  
  
"Hahahaha...he was rough."  
  
"Yeah. Haha. He just JAMMED it in there."  
  
*death glare* "What are you two getting at?"  
  
*giggle* "Nothing." *gigglegiggle*  
  
"...bitches. Anyway, when the patch opens, my eye gives off a hypnotic kind of charm and numbs the enemy's senses. Then it looks like I go really fast. It's really fun. Really." She disappears and returns to her spot on the stage within seconds.  
  
Ashley looks around. "What'd you do?"  
  
"Just said hi to someone."  
  
"H-hey!" A guy stands up with no shirt. "Someone just licked my face!"  
  
Everyone stares at Dominique.  
  
"What?" She shoves the shirt behind her back.  
  
"...riiiight. Anyway, who else wants to ask a question?"  
  
A girl stands up.  
  
"Hey Saro!"  
  
"Hey! So, the, um, "place" you got your eye from isn't like a family company or anything, is it?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, was it like inheritance or something?"  
  
"...I'llll neveeer teeelllllllll."  
  
"Fine!" She sits down.  
  
"Yeah, so I have a question." Ashley faces Dominique. "How the hell did you die? You were fine and then you were like...dead. That wasn't cool."  
  
"...I'd rather not talk about it."  
  
"Why? Was it painful?"  
  
"No, not physically."  
  
"Mentally then?"  
  
"When I was killed for not doing the job, I was wounded spiritually. It's like my soul just...DIED."  
  
"Oh, boo-hoo. What's the big deal?"  
  
*sniff* "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME LEGATOOO! WHY DID YOU THINK I HAD TO DIIEEEE!! COULDN"T YOU HAVE JUST TURNED YOUR CHEEK!? WE COULD HAVE RAN AWAY TOGETHER, AWAY FROM THAT BASTARD KNIVES!" *gasp!* "UNLESS...UNLESS YOU WERE SEEING HIM TOOOOO!? WAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU BASTARD!!"  
  
"...sorry for bringing up that horrible memory."  
  
She wipes a tear away. "No, no. It's okay. I think I'm over it now."  
  
o_o;; "I'm sure you are."  
  
James Daly stands up in the audience, holding a sketch book and a folder full of fanfiction. "I have a question for Dominique!"  
  
"Yeah? Go ahead."  
  
*gets all dramatic* "Do you always have to keep your demon eye closed? WILL YOU EVER GET TO SEE THROUGH YOUR OTHER EYE!?"  
  
"...well, no. At least not when I want to do something like this." She disappears. James Daly's fanfiction disappears. She comes back onstage.  
  
"Hey! Where'd you put all those papers!?"  
  
*evil grin* "It's a secret."  
  
"Oh, you're bad." *lightbulb!* "Why don't you pose for me!?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Come on! It'll be fun! Just strike any pose you want and I can sketch you!"  
  
"...sounds cool." She crouches down low and puts a finger to her lip.  
  
"Oh, you're naughty!" He scribbles furiously in his book.  
  
:::::30 SECONDS LATER:::::  
  
"All done!"  
  
A look of surprise crosses over Dominique's face. "Already?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
She uses her eye to snatch the paper away from him. "What!? This is a stick figure!"  
  
"Hey, give it back!"  
  
"You made me look FAT!"  
  
"How can I make you look fat if you're a STICK figure!?"  
  
"...I dunno! But you DID!" She throws the book at him. "Take you're stupid fat stick person BACK!"  
  
"Fine! Have it your way!" He crosses his arms and sits down.  
  
O.O "My my. Aren't we all so nice today?"   
  
"Yes we are Megan." Ashley comments.  
  
"Alright, I'm just gonna call off people's names I know! If you wanna ask a question, stand up! ERIKS!"  
  
"Yes! Dominique, can I join the gang?"  
  
"...can you WHAT?"  
  
"Can I join the gang? Pretty pleeaasseee?"  
  
"...no."  
  
"Oh come on!"  
  
"Hey, I'm not the one who decides these kind of things! You gotta go ask Legato or Knives or someone!"  
  
^^ "I think I'll go do that!"  
  
"Pfft. They'll just say no anyway."  
  
"Hey!" Megan interrupts. "There will be no dream-breaking in this Studio!"  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"A'ight! Um, how about Aurus!?"  
  
The oddly-dressed girl stands up. "Hello! A friend of mine's going to a convention and she's gonna cosplay Dominique! So I was wonderin'...since she can't find any good stuff for a costume...where you got yours?"  
  
"What is with you people!? I will never tell you ANYTHIIINNG!"  
  
"...can she use YOUR clothes then?"  
  
"Hell no! I'm better than that! Why should I let her borrow my clothes! That's just wrong! PLUS, I don't want no hoe walking around lookin' like me! No way!"  
  
"Hey! Don't call her a hoe you bitch!"  
  
"Bitch!? DIEEE!" Before she can take off, the hosts grab her by the arms and prevent her from using the demon's eye. "Hey! Let me go!"   
  
"No! We've got other things to do! More people have questions!"  
  
She rips her arms away. "Fine. But next time there's gonna be a smack down." She glares at Aurus. Aurus glares back.  
  
"Oh geez. Enough of that. Anyone else got a question!?"  
  
Another girl stands up. "Hi! I'm kitsundemon! SHHIIIIINNYYYYY! Anyway, Dominique! Do you like kitsune or foxes!? I love foxes, they're so cute and fuzzy and that's why I'm cute and fuzzy like the kitsune or fox! I love the fuzzy white tail with the cute brown tip and the white ears with brown! It's so kawaii!" ^.^  
  
*getting all girly* "I like foxes! They remind me of my sweet little Legato-poo! They're so cute and fuzzy! I just love 'em!" ^^  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
^^ "Yay!"  
  
*in unison* "YAAAYYY!" ^^  
  
o_o;; "Oh please, no more."  
  
Ashley winces. "Yeah, how about one more question?"  
  
A girl with red hair and blue eyes wearing a black t-shirt and jeans stands up. "Hey there! I'm NeptuneHelena! My question is why did Dominique run like a little schoolgirl after her *cough* Demon's Eye got shot off? Can't she fight like a normal person? Does she depend on that eye for everything? DOESN'T SHE AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!? WORTHLESS FREAK!!"   
  
*stare*  
  
"Oh, sorry. I don't like her."  
  
The gung-ho gun just sits there. "Sorry to tell you this NeptuneHelena, I mean, this must be so embarassing for you...but I'm standing RIGHT HERE!!"  
  
"Oh. Didn't see you there."  
  
"My ass you didn't! First of all, he didn't shoot it off, he shot the patch and it broke! He figured out how to evade my demon's eye! It still works though!" She runs up and slaps her. "Second of all, I had no choice but to run away when he figured it out! He would've shot me! Do you know how much being shot hurts!?" She slaps her again. "And thirdly, YES, I can fight like a normal person! I just chose not to because he's frikkin VASH THE STAMPEDE!!" *slap!*  
  
"Hey! Stop slapping our audience members!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"Tell ya what! You clean up our entire Studio and you can do whatever you want! ...as long as you don't ruin it again."  
  
"Hmm....it's a deal!" Dominique's eyepatch opens and she takes off in a flash. Things are being picked up left and right as though by an invisible force. Walls are set back up, ceiling chunks are fitted back into place, and new audience seats are brought in. By the end of five minutes, the place was cleaner than it had ever been before.   
  
"Holy shit! Good job Dominique!"  
  
She straightens her clothes out. "Hey, what can I say? I'm a goddess."  
  
"Yes you are!"  
  
Ashley snaps her fingers and bodyguards march out onto the stage.   
  
"What's going on?"  
  
They grab Dominique and start dragging her towards the exit.  
  
"What!? What the hell do you think you're doing!? You said I could do whatever I wanted to!"  
  
"I lied."  
  
"Bastarrrrdsssssss!!" She screams before the door shuts.  
  
The hosts compose themselves before turning to the camera. "With the Studio clean and everyone happy, it's time to say goodnight. It's been a wild one. Now go to bed!" They wave before the show ends.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...I lied AGAIN! HA!*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Hope you liked the chapter! *looks over it* Damn that was long! Well, please review! Next up is Hopperd the Gauntlet and Grey the Nine Lives (did I spell their names right???). That's right! They will be TOGETHER!! Why? Don't ask stupid questions!  
  
^^ PLEASE REVIEW!! ^^ 


	10. Double Trouble

A/N: Bwa hahaha! You guys rock! ^^ Thanks for reviewing everyone! ...and, uh, I'm REAALLYYY sorry I haven't updated in... *looks at watch* ...FOREVER! But I just needed a break. Eh-heh. *is beaten with a rusted spoon* ...owwie.  
  
Sheen Tacos: *shakes head* Ohhh no. We're saving Kuroneko action until his...or hers...well, IT'S chapter. ^^ Don't worry, though. It's comin' up soon.  
  
Kay: *gasp!* PART OF YOUR REVIEW WAS CUT OFF!? (dun dun dunnnn) ...erm, sorry about the drama. Sorry your review was cut off, too! But you're in this one, so be happy! ^^  
  
Aurus: Dominique, what a bitch! *looks around* Well, hope your friend finds something. *slaps Dominique, whose tied to a chair with duck tape* ^^ Heheh.  
  
Vashies-Girl: Eh, we're gonna save THAT action until the last chapter when everyone comes on the show. *muffles out Millie and Meryl* I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about. ^^;;  
  
NeptuneHelena: *points at* Yeah, you DID get slapped by Dominique! BWA HAHAHAHA!!! *hides Hopperd and Grey's weapons* Oh come on, it's completely safe!  
  
And thanks to everyone else for reviewing!  
  
Disclaimer: I own Trigun! I own Trigun! HA! *is choked by a lawyer* *cries* .I don't own Trigun.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Double Trouble*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*BANG!* BANG!* *BANG!*  
  
*CLANK!*  
  
"Phew! Thought I'd never get that done!"  
  
".you didn't."  
  
"Oh shit!" Megan grabs the hammer and continues pounding the metal stake into the floor.  
  
".that's gonna leave a hole."  
  
*BANG!* "So?" *BANG!*  
  
".never mind."  
  
*BANG!* *CLANK!* "There we go!"  
  
"Not quite." *points at Millie*  
  
"Gah! It never eeennnddss!!"  
  
*BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*  
  
Ashley turns her attention to the audience. "While she's busy, uh." *jerks head in Megan's direction* ".doing that, let's introduce our next guests, Hop-"  
  
"ROAAAARRR!!!" The short insurance girl bellows. "Exactly how long have you been keeping us here!?"  
  
The hosts look around the room innocently and whistle.  
  
"Goddammit, I want an answer NOW!"  
  
"Hey!" Megan points at her threateningly with the hammer. "Don't make me come over there!"  
  
"Bring it!"  
  
Ashley stands up and grabs the tool out of her friend's hand before she can do anything. "No, no, no. We can't have any of that." She turns to Meryl. "BIITCCHHH!!"  
  
"What'd you just call me!?"  
  
"Let me repeat myself." *clears throat* "BIITCCHHH!!"  
  
*gasp!* "ME a bitch!? YOU'RE the one who kidnaps people!"  
  
"What are you talking about? You don't constitute as a person."  
  
"What!?"  
  
"Don't MAKE me tell Vash what you did while he was out getting donuts!"  
  
*GASP!* "NO! Please don't tell him about that! It'd break his heart!"  
  
"Then back off BIITCCHHH!!"  
  
She shuts her mouth and sits down.  
  
".ahem." Ashley also takes a seat. "Pttbh!"  
  
"Hehe!" The larger insurance girl smiles. "This is great! We're on the show Meryl!"  
  
"We've already BEEN on the show, Millie." She glares at the hosts. "THEY kidnapped us, remember?"  
  
".oh." She looks sad, then smiles enormously. "We're on the show Meryl!"  
  
"Eaugh. I give up."  
  
A random audience member raises their hand.  
  
"Ah, come on. We're not in school! Just shout out your question!"  
  
"OKAY! WHY ARE MILLIE AND MERYL TIED TO SOME METAL STAKES IN THE FLOOR BY A CHAIN GOING AROUND THEIR ANKLES ON THE STAGE!?"  
  
"Gyah! You don't have to be THAT loud!"  
  
".oh."  
  
"Geeez. Well, anyway, that's a good question." *elbows Ashley*  
  
"Huh?" *looks around* "Oh, those guys?" *points to insurance girls* "They've been givin' us a little trouble lately.*COUGHbrokeaholeinthefreakingwallCOUGH*.so we're gonna keep 'em out here until we're sure they're tame enough to go back in their cage.I mean cell..I mean, nicely furnished room."  
  
".yeah, what she said."  
  
"Damn straight! Anyway, give it up for Hopperd the Gauntlet and Grey the Nine Lives!"  
  
The Studio shakes as a giant robot stomps and a smaller pointy.ball.thingy, rolls onstage.  
  
The ball thingy spins itself around to reveal a guy with really ugly clothes.if that's what you'd call them.in a really weird position. o.O .freak.  
  
One of its arms shoots out and waves frantically at the crowd. "Hi everyone!"  
  
"AHHHH!!" Megan rolls on the floor. "The voice! It's.so..irritating! Make it stopppp!!"  
  
"Oooo! You roll too!?" The thing called Hopperd cackles like a maniac before curling up and rolling through the audience.  
  
Ashley massages her temples. "Ow.headache.coming.voice.so.high..pitched! AHHH!" She runs out of her chair and tackles the speeding gung-ho gun. "GODDAMMIT! STOP ROLLING THROUGH THE AUDIENCE! YOU'RE SHELL HURTS!" He abruptly stops and looks up at her with guilty eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but she cuts him off. "No! NO TALKY!" She grabs the whimpering.thing.and drags him back onstage.  
  
Meanwhile, Megan's come out of her coma on the floor and is now poking the robot with various objects.  
  
"He, heh, heheheh." She sticks her finger in a hole on his knee. "Sweet!"  
  
"Megan! Stop sticking things in its orifices!"  
  
".right!" She pulls her finger out, looks around, and sniffs it.  
  
"Aw, Megan! You don't know where that's been!"  
  
"Mmm! Smells like cheese!" *sticks finger in other knee* "Cheese knees! Bwa haha!"  
  
".sick." She looks away. She waits a couple of seconds. She dives at the robot. "Ooo! Lemme smell!"  
  
While this is going on, Hopperd rolls over to the edge of the stage. "Hmm, anyone have a question for Hopperd!?"  
  
*silence*  
  
".fine! You guys SUCK! You can all just diiieeee!" He jumps into the air at the audience. Everything becomes slow-motion. The sound of a heart beating is heard.  
  
Megan looks up from her.activity. "What's that?"  
  
Ashley points casually at the flying Gauntlet.  
  
".oh. That's nice." She goes back to probing the robot.  
  
"AAAAHAHAHAAAA!!" Hopperd continues soaring through the air when a loud crash is heard in the back of the Studio. "WHAAAATT!!!???"  
  
"Weeeeehhhh!!!!" A laugh is heard before a flood of Livewire sweeps through the audience, placing the confused psycho back onstage.  
  
"Knock please!" Megan shouts without looking up.  
  
"BWA HAHA! It is I, Sheen Tacos!"  
  
"What kind of name is THAT!?" The annoyed villain screams.  
  
*gasp!* "Are you racist!?"  
  
*sweatdrop*  
  
"Didn't think so!"  
  
*stare*  
  
"What?"  
  
".did you have a question?"  
  
"Oh yeah! Who are you guys again?"  
  
"I am the third gung-ho gun, Ho-"  
  
"No." The robot points at his comrade. "You..are..not..the..third..gung..ho..gun."  
  
"Yes I am! Yes I am!"  
  
"No. E.G.is."  
  
"No he's not! No he's not!"  
  
"Stop..trying..to..be..like..him..Hopperd! It'll..never...work..out!"  
  
"Shut-up Grey!"  
  
"I have a question." Megan taps the machine. "How do you spell your name?"  
  
"G..R.. .Y."  
  
"G R Y?"  
  
"No. G..R.. ..Y."  
  
"That's not how you spell grey!"  
  
"A.Y? E.Y? Nooooo." His head explodes.  
  
o.O "Um.hold on everybody." She runs offstage and returns with a replacement head.  
  
".Megan?"  
  
^^ "Hmm?"  
  
"Why does that fish bowl have a face drawn on it?"  
  
"Shhh! It's not a fish bowl, it's a head!"  
  
".oh no."  
  
The host hands the robot the bowl, which he promptly places on his shoulders. "Thank..you..small..creature."  
  
"No problem fish man."  
  
"What..was..that?'  
  
"Nothing!"  
  
Raditz stands up from the Livewire-drenched audience and asks, "Hey Grey! Why are you a robot?"  
  
"I..don't..know!" The fish bowl cracks.  
  
"No, no, no! Don't make it think too hard!"  
  
"Oh, well then, Hopperd! What's it like to be that short?"  
  
"What do you mean SHORT? I'm not short!" He tries to stand up to make himself taller, but his legs won't come out of their curled position. ".it takes some getting used to."  
  
"Oo! Oo! Me next!" The familiar oddly-dressed girl shouts.  
  
"Go ahead Aurus."  
  
"Okay, Grey.you're supposed to be giant. At times, you're like HUGE, but then you're able to fit inside a SEEDS ship. Are you resizeable or something? Is that a robot thing? .could you teach that to my brother so he could fit into a small suitcase?"  
  
".no.it..must..just..be..you."  
  
"Oh, come on Grey. You can tell them the truth."  
  
"No.Hopperd. They.must..not..find..out..my..secret!"  
  
".whatever." He turns to Aurus. "Yes, he can resize himself, and no, it's not just for robots. I can do it, too."  
  
"Then why don't you just make yourself bigger?"  
  
".well, I haven't been able to figure that part yet. I know how to shrink, though!"  
  
"Ohhh, so THAT'S why your so tiny."  
  
"I AM NOT TINY GODDAMMIT!!"  
  
"Whatever you say."  
  
Another girl with cat ears stands up.  
  
"Hey Kay!"  
  
^^ "Hello!" She waves frantically before pointing to her shirt. "Do you like it!?" Written in black letters is 'I'm with psycho' with an arrow pointing to the left, where coincidentally Legato is standing.  
  
o.O . ^^ "I love it!"  
  
"Thanks!" She sits, yanking the terrified gung-ho gun down with her.  
  
"Anyone else have a question?"  
  
"Me!" Kitsunedemon jumps up. "Grey the Nine Lives.WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE NINE LIVES!? IT'S NOT POSSIBLE UNLESS YOU'RE A CAT! WHY, I COULD KILL YOU IN ONE BLOW! NOT NINE, BUT ONE!! I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY AWESOME KITSUNE DEMON POWERS! MUA HAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
Grey beckons her forward with a finger. "Bring.it..on..bitch."  
  
She looks down at her nails, seemingly losing interest. "Mmm, maybe some other time. As for you," she points at Hopperd. "WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A BALL!?"  
  
"What's wrong with looking like a ball!?"  
  
".IT'S ODD!"  
  
He raises a pinky to his lips. "Well."  
  
"Ohhh no." Ashley stands in front of him. "We don't need to hear this, do we?"  
  
The audience nods.  
  
".WELL THAT'S JUST TOO DAMN BAD, ISN'T IT!?" She stomps back to her chair.  
  
O.o "Well."  
  
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!*  
  
The back door flies twenty feet through the air to reveal none other than the freaky-ass Mimic.  
  
*coughcough* "UGH! Will you PLEASE stop doing that!?"  
  
".no." He turns to the giant robot. "So Grey, how were you able to move your legs when your upper body was torn apart?"  
  
".no.noooooo." He clutches his bowl-head. "Too..much..thinking!" His upper body slides off and his legs run around in circles.  
  
o.- "I see. Must just be a robot thing then."  
  
".yes.that..is.it." He grabs his moving legs and heaves himself back on top of them.  
  
"Eh, Hopperd? Why did you mangle yourself just to kick Vash's ass?"  
  
"BECAUSE I WANTED TO DAMNIT!!"  
  
".but it's not like you had a reason to go after him. What'd he do to you?"  
  
"HE!...he called me ugly."  
  
"Christ."  
  
"So, so then I asked Knives if I could help get revenge on his brother for him, even though I was really just doing it for myself, and then Legato beat the shit out of me and my body ended up in this position so he put me in this thing and now I'm a fully-fledged gung-ho gun."  
  
".so you wanted to kick Vash's ass for calling you ugly?"  
  
"Ehehe! That is correct!"  
  
"You're such an ugly bastard, though."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY!?"  
  
".later!" He runs out of the Studio.  
  
O.O ".we'll take one more question."  
  
"Oo, yay!" Pudding stands up from the audience. "Hey Hopperd, how do you move around? Doesn't that shield thingy of yours way like a million pounds?"  
  
"Are you dissing my beautiful shield!?"  
  
".nooooooo."  
  
".oh. Okay then! Well," He turns around like a model. "It's not TOO heavy. I mean, I can still jump really high and stuff in it. .although it is a little hard to go to the bathroom in."  
  
"...I don't even wanna know. Anyway, Grey! How many weapons do you actually have attached to.er, in.or whatever, you?"  
  
He beeps.  
  
"Oh no." The hosts cover their faces, expecting him to combust.  
  
Instead, he replies. "Zero."  
  
"Wha? Don't you have a bunch of weapons!? I know you do!"  
  
*beep* "Denied. There..are..no..weapons..located..in..or..on..meee."  
  
"But, but-"  
  
"They.were.all..taken..out..after..the..SEEDS..ship..incident."  
  
"Ahhh."  
  
Ashley looks around. "Mmm, time for our guests to go."  
  
*stare*  
  
*silence*  
  
".NOW!"  
  
"Eep!" The gung-ho guns rush out of the door.  
  
She looks around again.  
  
"Hmm? What's up?" Megan asks.  
  
"I dunno. It seems like.we're missing something."  
  
"What? We're not missing any-" She looks down at where the insurance girls had been previously chained up. ".oh crap." All that remained were two splatters on the floor.  
  
*GASP!* "Grey must've stepped on 'em when he came out!"  
  
"Oh no, oh on, oh no." *lightbulb!* "Oo! Oooo!!" Megan runs over to the smaller blotch and screams. "OH MY GOSH! LOOK, VASH IS HERE!!"  
  
"Vaaaaassshhhh?" The puddle sprouts arms and peels itself off the stage, looking around the room with dazed eyes. "Vaaaasshhh?"  
  
".erm, he's in there Meryl." She points to the room they'd been previously locked in.  
  
"Vaaaaash." She walks in.  
  
Ashley stands over the larger blotch with a bucket of pudding. "Wake up Millie!" She dumps it.  
  
The substance sucks up the food like a sponge, gradually taking the shape of the cheery insurance girl. "Mmm," She licks her lips. "Tasty!"  
  
"Hey, there's more in there!" Ashley also points to the secret chamber.  
  
^^ "Here I come pudding!" She runs inside. The door closes behind her.  
  
".and once again, everything is back to normal."  
  
"Yup."  
  
The hosts wave to the audience and signal for Joe to turn off the camera.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END.but just for a bit! *~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: PLEASE READ THIS!!! Okay, I'm going on a trip for a week or so down to like Texas, and they don't really have computers, so I can't update for a while. SO, if you could just put your questions for the next TWO chapters in your review, that'd be great. By the way, next up is Zazie the BEAST! *rar* Next after that is Kuroneko the cat! Make sure to put questions for both guests in your review! ^^ Thanks!! 


	11. The Beast: PART ONE

A/N: Nyah! Sorry for not updating for such a long time, but I just felt like taking a little break from the Trigun section. I'm back now, though, so don't worry! ^^;; *is bombarded by fruit* I said I'm sorry! *cries* Anyway, thanks for all the reviews!  
  
Knives: Ignorant spider child, they don't like your story, they just want to ask us questions!  
  
Hey, shut-up you stupid butterfly!  
  
Knives: *gasp!* I most certainly am NOT a butterfly!  
  
Everyone: YES YOU ARE!!  
  
Knives: Eh, what the hell…*puts on MSN butterfly wings* WEEEHHHHH!!!  
  
Ugh, enough of THAT…  
  
BY THE WAY, the Texas trip has been re-scheduled to Winter Break, so I'll try to post a couple more chapters before I go! ^^ And without further a do…  
  
Sake Girl Duelist Miko: *hands Livewire* It still loves you, embrace it!   
  
Molly: Yay, we've got a new one! ^^ Welcome to the show!  
  
Kay: Ooo, nice hair! XD But stop torturing Legato! …wait, what am I saying!? Yes, go on, have fun!  
  
Aurus: YOU SPEAK CAT! ^^ Nyao!!  
  
Mimic: Stop breaking everything bee-otch! Do you know how MUCH all those repairs cost!? …oh wait, I have the insurance girls in my possession. They take care of that crap. ^_^ Thanks for the review! You always have, uh, INTERESTING…yeah that's it…entrances. o.O  
  
Lil Kayke: Another guest! Woo-hoo! XD Glad you like my stories!  
  
LegacyRBluesummers: Wah! Where do all your people keep coming from!? …that sounded weird. -_-;; Very descriptive, though!   
  
Pudding: Thanks! ^^ Although about the whole Texas thing, I'm really not looking forward to it…   
  
Saro Wolf: I feel the love! *teary eyes* Erm…*glomps Zazie* YAY!! ^^  
  
NeptuneHelena: *bows* Thank you, thank you. *whispers* I don't know if it's safe to come out, though. ^^;; Eh-heh. You never know with the gung-ho guns.  
  
The Prophet: Hmm, are you in my imagination? I don't see a description…oh well! ^^ First time on the show, eh? It's crazy…be warned.  
  
Kitsunedemon: I'm sure you could beat up Grey any day. ^^;; …O.O Hey, that rhymed! XD Poor Zazie's gonna get glomped so many times…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*The Beast: PART ONE*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So…when's Zazie, rar, gonna get here?"  
  
"I'm not sure when Zazie, rar, is coming. Didn't you call him?"  
  
"That bastard Zazie, rar, thought I was a kid and threatened to kill me."  
  
"So Zazie, rar, hung up on you?"  
  
"Yes he did. …rar."  
  
"Heheh. RAR."  
  
"I wonder how long we can keep up this rar thing."  
  
"Hmm, maybe we should try to conceal it so Zazie, rar, doesn't think we're mocking him."  
  
"Rar, I agree."  
  
"Did you just say rar!?"  
  
"No, I said yah."  
  
^^ "Perfect!"  
  
*BOOOOOM!!!*  
  
"GODDAMNIT, WHAT THE HELL IS IT THIS TIME!?!?"  
  
A huge black dragon breaks down the door…and most of the wall…and walks into the Studio.  
  
"YOOOUUU!!!" Megan jumps up and points threateningly at the monster.  
  
It starts changing shape…O.O;;…and ends up in the form as the well known Mimic…that bastard.   
  
"UGH! STOP BREAKING EVERYTHING YOU STUPID TURD!!"  
  
Ashley joins her. "Yeah, stop breaking everything you…" She stops and looks and her friend with extreme interest. "…did you just say turd?"  
  
"…um, no?"  
  
"Good, I think I might've hit you."  
  
"Hey…LOVE AND PEACE BITCH!!"  
  
"DON'T SAY BITCH, BITCH! IT'S NOT LOVE AND PEACE!!"  
  
"EAT IT!"  
  
"YOU EAT IT!"  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS 'IT'!?"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO EAT IT!"  
  
"OKAY!!"  
  
"Um…guys?"  
  
They whip around and glare at black-clad man in unison. "WHAT!?"  
  
"I have a question I want to ask Zazie."  
  
"Oh…well too bad! We're having a heated discussion about 'it'!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
*sigh* "Maybe my…ASSISSTENT…can help settle this argument." He reaches a hand to his back, pulling out his sword.  
  
O.O *drool* "It's…glowing Ashley…"  
  
O.O "It' so beautiful…"  
  
*both* "Shiiinnyyyy…"  
  
"That's what I thought." He puts it away. "Now, for that question…"  
  
*blink* "…hey! Where'd it go!?"  
  
"It's gone. You have an interview to do."  
  
"But Zazie's not even here yet!"  
  
"…actually…" He points behind them.  
  
They slowly look over their shoulders.  
  
"Oh, um…hey Zazie!"  
  
"Hi…how long have you been standing there?"  
  
He simply crosses his arms and taps his foot on the floor.  
  
"Oh, don't you use that tone with ME young man!" Megan stomps her way over to the gung-ho gun, grabbing him by the ear.  
  
"Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing!?"  
  
*gasp* "Such language for one as young as you!"  
  
"I'm older than YOU, idiot!"  
  
"Now now, don't get testy…"  
  
"Haha!" Ashley laughs from her seat. "Testy!"  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you people!?" He yanks himself away from the host, an expression of disgust, anger and fear on his face.  
  
"Heeey, why do you have to talk like that Zazie?" Ashley asks from behind him.  
  
"GYAH! Where the hell did you come from!?"  
  
"…I'm not sure, really…" She points to her chair. "…there?"   
  
"And what do you mean, TALK LIKE THAT!?"  
  
"Why not the kid voice? It makes you so much cuuuuter."  
  
*face-fault* "CUZ' I'M NOT A LITTLE KID DAMNIT!!"  
  
"Oh really? Hmm…" *smile* "Can I pet you Zazie?"  
  
"NO! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!"  
  
"Aw, you're so adorable when you're mad!" She pats him on the head to make her point.  
  
"AHHHH!!! IT BUURRRRNNNNSSSS!!!!!"  
  
"…it burns?" She stares at her hand. "Oh, sweet!" *evil grin* "Oh, Megaaannnn."  
  
"…what?"  
  
"Ah-ha!!" She grabs her by the arm. "BUUURRRNNNN!!!"  
  
"……" *slap*  
  
"Hey!"  
  
^__________^  
  
Zazie had calmed down by now, another annoyed look on his features. "Can we PLEASE get on with the interview?"  
  
"Why do they always wanna rush…"  
  
"Oh, before we begin!" Megan throws herself at him. "ZAAZZZIIEEE!!"  
  
"Ah! I've been glomped!"  
  
She grabs him by the shoulders, eyes starting to tear up. "Zazie, I just want you to know…" *sniffle* "I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!"  
  
"What the hell? You DRAGGED me over here by my EAR, and you're tellin' me you're my biggest FAN?"  
  
"…you hurt the ones you love the most!"   
  
"Does that mean I get to shoot you?"  
  
*starry eyes* "Does that mean you…you…you love me TOOO!?"  
  
"Oh shit," He sees the error he made. "I mean-"  
  
"Oh, ZAZIE!!" *glomp*  
  
"...eww. Megan's a pedophile!"  
  
"AH! Help…me…uh…I forgot…your name…" He manages to choke out from the girl's crushing hug.  
  
"Well I'm not helping you until you remember."  
  
"Is..it..Sarah?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"…Jessica?"  
  
"Do I LOOK like a Jessica to you?"  
  
"...help…me…damn…you!"  
  
"Come on, say my name."  
  
"…Amber!?"  
  
"Close!"  
  
Megan realizes the thing struggling under her grip is talking. She looks over and smiles like an idiot. "Oh, hi Ashley!"  
  
"…ugh…Ashley!"  
  
"Megan, you ruined it!"  
  
"…I did?"  
  
"Yes you dimwit! I was having FUN!"  
  
"Oh, you mean with him?" She let's go of the boy.  
  
"Grrrrr, one day…"  
  
"As I was saying…" She turns her attention back to Zazie. "I hate little kids too man!"  
  
The face he made when she said that was…interesting, to say the least. "But YOU'RE a ki-"  
  
"NOOO!!!" Flames erupt in the background. "I AM NOT A CHIIILLLDDDD!!!"  
  
"AH!" The fire dies out. "Well…now you see how I feel!"  
  
"…good point."  
  
"Well, when you two love-birds are done-"  
  
"Love-birds!? LOVE-birds!? WHAT THE FU-"  
  
He's interrupted by another glomp from Megan.  
  
^^ "Hehe."  
  
"…get her…off…"  
  
"No way. You're on your own."  
  
"…you…bitch…"  
  
"Hmm, what was that? Did I just hear something?" She looks around with fake bewilderment. "Must've been my imagination!" *cheesy laugh* *serious face* "It's question time…"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~THE END…eh, not even close…*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: ^^;; Eh-heh. I'm just a deranged fan, don't worry. *stuffs Zazie in closet* Well, time to go. There's a lot of questions, so I'm just gonna have those in the next chapter (there's two parts) to save it from being too long. …plus it's 11:30 at night and I have school tomorrow…DAMNIT!  
  
Please review! I'll have the next one up as soon as possible! ...there shall be many rars… 


	12. The Beast: PART TWO

A/N: *is dancing like an idiot* I GOT 101 REVIEWS!!! BOO-YA!!!  
  
Knives: It's only because they like US you stupid spider chi-  
  
I GOT 101 REVIEWS!! XD Yay. Never thought I'd see the day. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!  
  
*happiness*  
  
Thanks for all the reviews everyone! They make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! ^^  
  
Oh yes, and to SailorVash25, I read your story as of so far, and I just wanted to tell you good job and I like it and stuff. My computer won't let me review anyone's stories cuz' it's a piece of crap. ^^;; So yeah. Nice story! I like funnies! …Knives is scaring me, though… (bwa haha!).  
  
This'll be the last chapter I post for a while because I have to go to Texas VERY SOON and no one I know down there has a computer I can use. ^^;; Sorry. I'll try to update some of my other stories before I go and then I'll update this one right after I get back.  
  
Disclaimer: *has forgotten all about disclaimers* Why are you looking at me like that? *looks around* *shrugs* Oh…is this where I say I don't own Trigun? *has forgotten again* …I'm gonna be here a while…  
  
~*~*~*~*~*The Beast: PART 2*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh! Oh! It's question time Zazie! It's question time!!"  
  
"Get…her…off…now."  
  
"RESPECT YOUR ELDERS!!"  
  
"…PLEASE…get…her…off...now."   
  
"…no."  
  
*chokes*  
  
Megan tightens her grip on the boy. "I just love it when he squeaks like that!"  
  
*gurgles*  
  
"Isn't he precious!?"  
  
*goes limp*  
  
"Aw, look! The beast is sleeping!" She drops him. "Who wants to go first!?"  
  
"Um…I'm still here."  
  
*gasp* "WHO GOES THERE!?"  
  
The shape-shifter sighs sadly and raises his hand. "That'd be me."  
  
"WHO!?"  
  
"Some days…" He gets out his sword again. "Listen up."  
  
O.O "Shiiinnnyyyyy…"  
  
Ashley drools. "Prettyyyyy…"  
  
"…um, are you guys okay?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, alright. Just making sure."  
  
^^ "Hi Mimic. What's your question?"  
  
"Zazie…why do you need a device to control the worms?"  
  
"I don't feel like getting eaten. Have you ever tried to control them without using one? It's not fun. Trust me."  
  
"Oh….hey! He talked!"  
  
"…really?" Megan kneels down and pokes him. "But he's out cold."  
  
"Well no shit."  
  
Ashley nudges him with her toe. "Hmm…oh, I know! Sleeping people tell you the truth!"  
  
"…seriously? Then I'm screwed. My sister's apparently going to kill me."  
  
"Wait, what? I'm lost."  
  
"My sister talks a lot in her sleep. She doesn't say nice things."  
  
"…ah." He takes a seat in the audience.  
  
"This could be a lot of fun. We get all the answers and poor little Zazie won't know he told anyone anything."  
  
"…sweet!"  
  
"Okay, next question!"  
  
A tall blonde chick with fox ears and a tail wanders in, her pants not touching the floor because of her REALLY tall black platform shoes with silver flames on them. (so cool!) She pulls her blue t-shirt down a bit nervously and smiles. "La li ho! I'm LegacyRBluesummers's partner in crime, Denisuko-chan! I've got a question for Zazie: Can I trade my little brother in for him and have him as my little brother instead? He's uber kawaii!" *giggles*   
  
O.O "Oh my. What a lengthy description."  
  
The gung-ho gun sits up, his eyes still closed. "No."   
  
"You mean…you don't wanna be my little brother!?"  
  
"I'm 2-D. It'd never work out." (oh how I wish this wasn't true for so many anime characters…)   
  
"Well…fine then! But this isn't the end of me!! I'll be BACK!" She stomps her way over to an empty chair and takes a seat.  
  
"How sad."  
  
"Next question!"  
  
Music starts playing (a little fuzzy on what exactly. Punk Rock Princes? hmm…). "My tuuurrrnnn!!" A figure, who mysteriously appeared onstage, does an action roll off, then attempts to do a double back-flip in the air, which turns out pretty good, but this sadly puts them in an extremely awkward position and they end up landing on their ass.   
  
"…is that you Kay?"  
  
They quickly stand up, dusting off their 'I'm with Psycho' t-shirt and fixing their brown-and-dipped-in-red hair. (XD) "Yeah, hey! I wanna know WHY IN THE GODS NAME DO YOU SAY RAR AFTER YOUR NAME!?"  
  
"Who…me?"  
  
"Yes, you Zazie!"  
  
"The Beast, rar, does not say rar after his name."  
  
"You just did!"  
  
"The Beast, rar, did not."  
  
"YES YOU DID!!"  
  
"The Beast, rar, did no-"  
  
"YOU SO SAID RAR!!"  
  
"…rar? It must be second nature."  
  
"It MUST be."  
  
"Are you mocking the Beast, rar?"  
  
"No, rar."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"…rar."  
  
"Rar?"  
  
"Rar!"  
  
"RAR!"  
  
"RARRR!!!"  
  
*hisses*  
  
"Eep!"  
  
(now I'm confused)  
  
"Shut it Zazie! We have an interview to do!"  
  
"She started it."  
  
"Pttbh!"  
  
"Blar, enough-ed! Does anyone else have a question for Zazie!?"  
  
"Me, me!" A girl wearing a red long-sleeved shirt, dark blue jacket, blue jeans, socks and glasses next to Kay waves her arms in the air. "I'm Molly, and this is Zero! He's from Megaman!" She gestures to a very frightened looking…thing…behind her.  
  
Zero: "HELP ME! AH!"  
  
"Don't mind him, he's crazy! Anyway, I was wondering why Zazie wanted to join the gung-ho guns!"  
  
"Oh, and can I have your autograph!? You're just SHO CUTE!" The other girl adds.  
  
"Yeah! And why are you so little….yet so evil?"  
  
"Can I trade in my little sister for you!?"  
  
They look at him in anticipation.  
  
"I wanted to join the gung-ho guns BECAUSE I'm evil. I figured I could get some respect as a bad guy. I'm just little because the only body I could take over was this kid. I'm really an alien bug thing. Got a problem with it? I don't know how to write so you can't have my autograph and no, you can't trade me in for your little sister. …you people have serious issues with your siblings."  
  
"Ew, you're a BUG!?"  
  
"You can't write!?"  
  
"HUH!?!?"  
  
"…I'm gonna go shoot myself now."  
  
"Wait!" Saro runs down the aisle and glomps Zazie. "There! They already answered my question, so I had to do that!"  
  
"Noooo!"  
  
"You touched him!"  
  
"Ah!" He shoves off the fan. "What the hell are you doing to me!?"  
  
"You're not asleep anymore?"  
  
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M SLEEPING!?"  
  
The hosts shake their heads. "You've awoken the beast."  
  
"Rar look what you've done!"  
  
"What was that!?" He glares at him. "Did you just say rar!?"  
  
"No, I said NOW look what you've done."  
  
"...uh-huh."  
  
"No, rar-ey, she did."  
  
"You just said rar too!"  
  
"Nooo, I said REALLY."  
  
"Stop saying rar!"  
  
"We have no idea what you're talking about…"  
  
"ARGH! JUST….ASK ME ANOTHER QUESTION!!"  
  
A girl in the audience stands up. "Um…so you're possessed then (rawr)?"  
  
"No! I possessed a kid! I MYSELF am not possessed! Unless you count possessing someone else as being possessed or are you asking the kid if I…ah! Stop trying to confuse me!"  
  
"…he's possessed." NeptuneHelena sits back down.  
  
"My turn!" Another rises. "I am the Prophet! And I wanna know how you sound like a little kid one minute and then a grown man the next! …and where'd you get that sandworm control thing? It's awesome!"  
  
"I can change how I sound whenever I want! I have supreme control over this body, that's how!" His voice cracks. "Ah! I mean…I meant for it to do that!"  
  
"Aw, is little Zazie going through puberty?"  
  
"No you prick, I'm…well, I don't know exactly how old I am…but I'm a lot older than you!"  
  
Kitsunedemon: "There goes my question…"  
  
"And it isn't a 'worm control thing'! It's name is Regoob! I made him!"  
  
"Isn't that booger spelled backwards?"  
  
"It does kinds look like a booger…"  
  
"Hey, Zazie. Do you eat your boogers?"  
  
"No you sick freaks!"  
  
Another guest stands up. "Pudding here! I was thinking…in the anime, why didn't you just go ahead and shoot instead of stalling and getting shot yourself?"  
  
"Because it's fun to call the hero mean names before killing them! …it didn't quite work this time, but next time it will, I swear!"  
  
"…you really don't know how old you are?"  
  
"No. Do you think YOU'D know how old you were if you didn't have any parents?"  
  
"Well, I guess not…"  
  
"There ya go."  
  
"Since it looks like no one's raising their hand here…" A girl about 5'5" stands up, dressed in a white shoulder-less long-sleeved shirt, a red mini-skirt, and red and black boots (like Vash's. ^^), with a red bandana over her red-and-dipped-in-black-hair. …that's a lot of red. O.O "Hello, I'm Lil Kayke." She turns to Zazie. "Do you think Vashie-kun and Wolfie-kun love each other, cuz' I think they do."  
  
He nearly chokes on the attachments to their names. "Well, uh, that's a matter of if you're a sick and twisted perverted freak. (like me! XD) If you are, then yes. If not, then you'd better run cuz' I've seen them giving each other 'the look'." He shudders. "Disgusting creatures."  
  
She claps her hands together. "Aww, how cute!"  
  
"Hey Zazie! What's up with the poncho!?"  
  
"Ah! Too many questions!"  
  
"It's okay, I'm Aurus!"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything!?"  
  
O.O;; "Um…"  
  
"And what's wrong with my poncho!? I happen to like my poncho!" He smooths it out. "Gotta fix mah poncho."  
  
O.O  
  
"…what are you looking at?"  
  
*twitch*  
  
"…ANWAY, I made it myself. Isn't it sweet?" He spins around, making girlish poses.  
  
"Oh my…"  
  
"Um, well then, how can you be a gung-ho gun, when you're like, what? Ten years old?"  
  
"I AM NOT TEN YEARS OLD GODDAMNIT! I'M…WELL, THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW! I CAN SHOOT A GUN AND I GOT SANDWORMS UNDER MY CONTROL! THAT'S WHY I'M A GUNG-HO GUN!!"  
  
"Oi!"  
  
"Oi?"  
  
"Oi! It is I, Sheen Tacos!"  
  
"…oi!?"  
  
"Oi! What's with 'the beast'? I mean, no one can really be a beast unless they're some type of rabid animal…oi."  
  
"I can show you if you'd like."  
  
*gasp* "Zazie! You're too young to be saying things like that!"  
  
"I was talking about whippin' out my gun!"  
  
"ZAZIE!!"  
  
"Not THAT gun!"  
  
"…oh."  
  
"Yes. I am a beast. If you'd like to further this discussion, just let me know."  
  
"I do."  
  
"…well that's too bad. They took away my guns at the beginning of the show."  
  
"Damn…"  
  
"One more question!"  
  
"I have an obsession with tacos!"  
  
Sheen Tacos: "Wha!? Stay away from me!"  
  
"No, no, no. The ones you eat."  
  
"Whew…"  
  
A guy with brown hair and wearing all black (there's a lot of those around here…) stands up. "El Hustino's the name, and tacos are my game!"  
  
The Hosts: *sweatdrop*  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"I was wondering how the hell a group of psychopaths such as the gung-ho guns got custody of a small child like Zazie."  
  
"I'M NOT LITTLE DAMNIT!!"  
  
^^ "Sure you're not."  
  
"I'm NOT! …and it's Gunsmoke. They don't really care what happens to little kids."  
  
"Did you get that cowboy outfit at Walmart?"  
  
"No! I made it myself! …and what the hell is WALMART??"  
  
"…a stoooree."  
  
"Hey, don't act like I'm stupid!"  
  
"Aw, look at little Zazie. He's confused!"  
  
"GOD EFFING DAMNIT, I'M SICK OF THIS EFFING SHIT!! I'M EFFING OUT OF HEEERREEE!!!"  
  
"That was a lot of effings…"  
  
"RAAAAAAARRRRR!!!" A giant sandworm breaks through the stage floor. "GOOD-BYE PSYCHOS!!" He hops on and rides it away from the Studio.  
  
O.O  
  
O.O  
  
O.o  
  
o.O  
  
o.o  
  
"My, my. That was interesting."  
  
*twitch* "Yes, interesting."  
  
Megan starts crying. "THE BEAST HAS LEFT MEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
"Here we go again…"  
  
"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*gasp*AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" *passes out*  
  
"…um, that's it. I guess." Ashley waves to the camera. "Join us…next time…where we'll be interviewing KURONEKO-SAMA!! …good-bye."   
  
*runs out of room screaming*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END…of my sanity*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: God, look at all those questions. Look at all the people I've made confused. Bwa haha. Go me. *faints*  
  
Ashley: …review. Make it fast. She's leaving soon. *pokes with stick*  
  
*twitch*  
  
^^ Hehe! 


	13. NYAO: A Cat Fond of Sweltering Heat

A/N: *enormous sweatdrop* Eh-heh. Hey guys... *is hit with tomato* I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know it's been like a month...or two...since I've updated, but I DO have my reasons!  
  
.........  
  
Ummm, I'm not typing them. That'd just be a waste or your time and my time. -.-;; I've been...DISTRACTED.  
  
And, once again, thank you so much for the reviews!! ("scroll factor"? what's THAT? *stupid face*)  
  
Knives: *shakes head* They only review because--  
  
AHEM!! ^^ On with the chapter!  
  
Disclaimer: I tire of these things, and - *GASP!* NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! .....erm... *looks around* I'm watching Trigun right now (got the DVDs for Christmas! XD), and Legato just got shot. *sniffle* I hate when the psychos die...if I owned Trigun, that would have never happened... *cries*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*NYAO: A Cat Fond of Sweltering Heat *~*~*~*~*~  
  
"...I hate you." She crosses her arms, glaring at the other host.  
  
^^ "You can thank me later."   
  
"WHY did I have to come again?"  
  
******FLASHBACK*****  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"I said NO damnit!"  
  
"I said YES damnit!"  
  
"You are NOT making me go to Texas!" Ashley grabs onto a nearby pole.  
  
"Oh yes I am!" Megan proceeds to drag her off.  
  
"NO! Get awAY!!" She kicks.  
  
"Whore! You're coming with me!" She pulls harder.  
  
"No! It's hot and sticky and gross down there!"  
  
"It's winter!"  
  
"So what!? Go by yourself!"  
  
"It's for the good of the show!"   
  
"ARGH!!" Her hands are pried off. "I DON'T WANNA GO!" The smaller girl drags her down the street screaming. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"  
  
****END FLASHBACK*****  
  
"You begged and begged to come, remember?"  
  
"As I recall, you DRAGGED me here! …AND AGAINST MY OWN FREE WILL!!"  
  
^^ "You have a terrible memory, Ashley!"  
  
"Ugh..." She crosses her arms. "How much longer?"  
  
"Only nineteen hours!"  
  
"Nineteen? NINETEEN?!"   
  
"Come on, let's sing a song! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND! THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ALL AROUND THE TOOOWWN!!!"  
  
Everyone within a 50-mile radius looked out their window as they heard the agonizing screech.  
  
...this was going to be a long trip...  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::21 HOURS LATER::::::::::::::::::  
  
"...urg..." The two hosts stumble out of the car, clutching their stomachs. "Hungry...thirsty...need...to pee..."  
  
"Need to pee?" She throws her hands in the air. "You just went five minutes ago!"  
  
"...oh." Megan puts on a cheery smile. "In that case, let's go do something FUN!"  
  
"I'm going to kill you..."  
  
"Come on, now!" She pats her on the back. "It's not that bad!"  
  
*twitch* "Did you just hit me?"  
  
"Uh...no." She frowns, removing her hand.  
  
"Then what the hell would you call THAT?"  
  
"I was just...giving you a...friendly, little..." She repeats the action.  
  
"ARGH! Stop hitting me!!"  
  
"I AM NOT HITTING YOU!!" She slaps her upside the head. "THAT is hitting you!"  
  
"MOTHER SON OF A WHORE!!" Ashley dives at her.  
  
"Gyah! Get away from me!" She pansy-slaps in retaliation.  
  
"Ow, ow, OW! DIEE!!!"  
  
"AHHHHH!!!!" They fall to the ground, biting, kicking, and shrieking.  
  
"........." The black cat casually walks over to the scene. "...umm, hello?"  
  
*kick*  
  
*punch*  
  
*rip*  
  
"Excuse me, but are you two...uh..."  
  
They continue to fight, not taking notice.  
  
"Um...meow?"  
  
Megan whips her head up, gasps, and lets out an ear-piercing scream. "KURONEKO!!!"  
  
"Nyao!"   
  
"KURONEKO-SAMAAAA!!" She scrambles off the larger host. "I thought you weren't gonna be here 'till seven!"  
  
"Nyeh, well, you know me…"  
  
"YAAAYY!!!" She picks it up in a rough hug. "I love you Mr. Kitty!"  
  
"Mr....Kitty...!?..." It chokes.  
  
"I wanna love him and hug him and squeeze him and hold him----"  
  
'Oh God, make it go away.'  
  
"---and kiss him and feed him and wash him and---"  
  
'GRRRR!!!' With the ferocity of a tiger, the little black cat leaps onto her face, hissing and clawing.  
  
"What are you doing Mr. Kitty!?" She grabs the feline and rips it off, hurling it over her shoulder.  
  
"MEEOOOWWWWWW!!!!"  
  
".......holy effing Christ!" Ashley pries the thrown cat off her face. "What the hell was that for!?"  
  
It calmly takes a seat, wrapping its tail around the front and looking as innocent as ever. "...mew?"  
  
"DON'T YOU TRY THAT BULLSHIT ON ME!! YOUR KITTY CRAP WON'T WORK!!!!"  
  
"...damn." It unfurls its tail and assumes a wicked expression. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"  
  
"Yes," she glares daggers. "LET'S."  
  
"Okay, okay!" Megan recovers from the attack and whips out a note card. "First question! 'Why are you so omnipresent, nyao? ~NeptuneHelena'."  
  
"What?" He asks from behind her. "What makes you think that?"  
  
"AH!! POLTIERGEIST!"   
  
"No, just me."  
  
"Because, you...pop up like that! EVERYWHERE!!"  
  
"...oh. Well, uh...I guess it's just my nature."  
  
Ashley narrows her eyes. She could swear that cat was grinning.  
  
"...good enough for me!" She chucks the card behind her and reaches for another one. "El Hustino wants to know: 'Don't you get hot? I mean, Gunsmoke is a desert planet and you're a black cat...that can't be good.' He also asks: 'If black cats are unlucky and you follow Vash around, then does that mean you're the cause of Vash's bad luck?'" She squints at the scribbling. "Oh. He says hi to Lil Kayke, too."  
  
Kuroneko stretches, kneading the ground. "I like hot places...is that a problem?"  
  
"Well, no, but..."  
  
"That's why I'm in Texas."  
  
"OR!" Ashley rises. "You're here on a top secret mission for the government!...or aliens!" She points for emphasis. "FROM OUTER SPACE!!"  
  
The cat blinks.  
  
Megan sweatdrops. "Ashley...I thought we talked about this..."  
  
"What? You don't believe me?"  
  
"Eh-heh...it's not that..." She leans over, whispering in the cat's ear. "She didn't have her meds today..."  
  
He nods slightly, flicking his tail.  
  
"You're...you're mocking me, aren't you?!" Ashley accuses.  
  
He blinks again. "Of course not. Why would I do that?"  
  
"Because you're a slimy little--"  
  
"Us space aliens don't take kindly to hurting others."  
  
"You...you...!"  
  
"AS I was saying..." He sticks his nose in the air snootily. "Black cats are NOT unlucky."   
  
At that moment a bird flew overhead and decided to take a nice steaming shit on Kuroneko's...head.  
  
The hosts stare for a moment before rolling over with laughter.  
  
"Oh NO!" Ashley gasps. "Of course not! It's just a silly superstition!"  
  
"Yeah, you don't have bad luck!" Megan howls.  
  
"AHAHAHAHAHA!!!"   
  
A vein in his temple starts to throb. "Must...resist...urge...to...slaughter..." He composes himself, rubbing as much of it off as he can and gaining their attention with a soft hiss. "That was just a...coincidence. I don't give Vash bad luck."  
  
They try to maintain serious expressions.  
  
"Mm-hm." A small squeak.  
  
"S-sure." She bites her lip.  
  
He stares at them incredulously. "Don't you DARE..."  
  
"AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!!!"  
  
He shakes his head and walks away.  
  
"AHHHH---hey!---HHHHHH---where ya goin' Kitty!?---HHAHAHAHA!!!!!!"  
  
"Inside. I need to clean myself."  
  
Megan abruptly stops laughing. "That's not a good idea!" She runs to the porch and throws herself at the front door. "Don't go in there!"  
  
"And why not?"  
  
"My grandma's afraid of cats!"   
  
"Oh?" He goes to rub against her legs. "How afraid?"  
  
"Deathly! And EW! DON'T TOUCH ME!!"  
  
"Purrow?"  
  
"NO! Get away!!" She reaches for the handle.  
  
"Well I'll be damned!" A distinct accent from behind catches her off-guard, allowing just enough space for Kuroneko to slip by. "If it ain't my little Megabite!"  
  
She gasps at the fleeing cat, then winces at her nickname and turns around smiling to confront her grandpa. "Hello!"  
  
"Oh! And who's this lovely lady?" He gestures to a dumbfounded Ashley in the background.  
  
"That's my friend, remember? I told you about her on the phone..."  
  
"Ah, yeah! Come on in girls!" He shouts and steps back inside.  
  
"...lovely relative." She mumbles.  
  
"Eat it." They follow suit, walking through the entrance area warily.  
  
"So...was that Kuroneko I saw run in here?" Ashley whispers.  
  
"Yep. We better find him before my grandma does."  
  
She nods her consent, following the shorter girl to the bathroom.  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
Her eyes widen. "It couldn't be..."  
  
They slowly open the door before letting out twin gasps. "Kuroneko!"  
  
He looks up from his seated position with a quirked eyebrow. "Don't you ever knock?"  
  
"Were you…were you drinking out of the toilet?"  
  
He shakes his drenched head. "Just washing that crap off."  
  
"Why didn't you use the sink?"  
  
"This is easy access."  
  
Ashley twitches. "That's not sanitary..."  
  
"Now, if you'll excuse me..."  
  
They stare at him. "Huh?"  
  
"...never mind." He swipes a paw at the metal handle, flushing it.  
  
"Uhh...why'd you do that?"  
  
"Don't wanna leave evidence..." He returns their blank stares. "...HAIR."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
"Whose in the bathroom?!"  
  
"Eep!" They jump at the shout. "Just me Clay!"  
  
"Megan?" He cracks open the door. "What're you...oh!" He points between the two hosts. "Why are there two of ya in the bathroom?"  
  
"Uhh..." She plasters a smile on her face. "Girl stuff?"  
  
He looks perplexed for a moment. "...oh! Why didn't ya say so?!"  
  
*sweatdrop*  
  
"Alright, I'll leave it to ya!" He shuts the door.  
  
"...who was that?"  
  
"My uncle...uh...maybe we should go..."  
  
"Good idea."  
  
Ashley grabs a towel and throws it over Kuroneko.  
  
"Reowr!"  
  
"Shut-up!" She flicks his head before covering it up and dashing back outside.  
  
"Whew." Megan takes a seat on a lawn chair before glowering at the now deposited cat. "Not cool, Kuroneko."  
  
He flattens his ears in annoyance. "You expected me to sit out here with bird shit all over myself?!"  
  
"...yes."  
  
He lets out a throaty growl. "Just ask the next question!"  
  
"Fine..." *mutter mutter* "Lil Kayke says: ''Sup, 'Neko? How's it hanging, yo? (hi El Hustino!) So, Kuroneko, do you really enjoy mauling everyone in sight?'"  
  
"Ehh…" He scratches his ear. "Just chillin' in mah crib wit' mah bitches."  
  
"...we are NOT your bitches."  
  
"And this is MY crib."  
  
He shrugs casually. "Whatevah. And YES, I DO enjoy mauling everyone in sight...like my bitches here..."  
  
"Godamnit!" Ashley makes a fist. "WE ARE NOT YOUR BITCHES!!!"  
  
He blinks, shrugging again. "Whatevah..."  
  
"Psh." Megan pulls out another card, rolling her eyes. Aurus wants to know: 'Nyao? Nyao? (purr) Nyah, nyao? …or if you prefer my next question, can I get little pet Kuronekos? They're so cute!'"  
  
"Well," he says seriously. "You can always go to your local pet store and buy one there. If you find an all-black cat, it's a Kuroneko. But don't be fooled! The slightest discoloration means it's an imposter! And don't be surprised if it doesn't warm up to you very quickly…we're not supposed to give away our identities."   
  
Ashley covers her mouth with a hand. "I told you! He's working for the GOVERNEMNT!"  
  
He bristles defensively. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!!!"  
  
"Gyah!"  
  
"Next question!" She quickly retrieves a notecard. "Mimic asks: 'Why are you always with Vash?' ...good thing he's not here to blow anything up..."  
  
"Why am I always with Vash? WHY AM I ALWAYS WITH VASH?! WELL--" He calmly sits back down. "Wouldn't you like to know?"  
  
"...obviously."  
  
"I'm not at liberty to reveal such information...sorry."  
  
*mumbling obscenities* "...jackass..."  
  
"LegacyRBluesummers wants to know: 'Where the heck do you keep coming from?!' ...good question…"  
  
*sigh* "Don't you people ever learn?"  
  
"...learn...what's that?"  
  
He scowls at her before continuing. "There's a lot of us and quite frankly, I don't feel like explaining the circumstances of our appearances."  
  
"...you really suck, ya know that?"  
  
*smirk*  
  
"From Pudding333: 'Don't you get hot sometimes? I mean, the desert heat, the extreme amounts of sunlight, and how your fur is black…I would think most things would keel over and croak by then, but you don't.'"  
  
"Well!" He says with fake enthusiasm. "Who needs a suitable environment when you've got all these birds to crap on your head!?"  
  
The hosts restrain themselves from another outburst of laughter.  
  
"Y-yeah…suitable environment's are for squares…hehehe…"  
  
"Wow, you're funny Kuroneko."   
  
"And you're stupid," he retorts.  
  
"Fine, not funny, just an ass." She pulls out another audience question. "WindGoddessRind is curious: 'How do you always manage to follow Vash around? I mean, it MUST be hard to follow after him when he's in a vehicle…or are you HIDDEN in the vehicle? HOW DO YOU DO IT?'"  
  
"Keh. If those two incompetent insurance girls can stay hot on his trail, so can I."  
  
"...wow. Aren't we articulate today?"  
  
*flinch*  
  
"Alright. Kay and Molly ask: 'Are there anymore of you? I mean, it's like physically impossible to appear in as many places as you, isn't it? I mean, come on! WHERE DO YOU ALL HIDE?!"  
  
He shuts his eyes from an apparent headache. "Do I have to say it again?"  
  
"Oh, because it's SUCH a hassle." Ashley replies sarcastically.  
  
"I didn't ASK you..."  
  
"Now, now. They didn't know another person would ask a similar question…don't get your panties in a bunch…"  
  
"He doesn't wear any, remember?"  
  
"...whoa. Deja-vu..."  
  
"Are we almost done?"  
  
"How should I know?" She grabs another card. "Raditz wonders: 'Do you think you go better with BBQ sauce or teriyaki? Because Saiyans such as myself require sustenance, and I wonder what black cats tastes like...'"   
  
*blink*  
  
"...excuse me?"  
  
"I think she wants to eat you..."  
  
*blink*  
  
"...EXCUSE ME?"  
  
"Damn Kuroneko, do I gotta say it again?"  
  
"...what the HELL?!" He stands on all fours. "SOMEONE WANTS TO EAT ME?! THEY SAID AS LONG AS I DID MY JOB I WOULD NEVER BE HARMED!!!"  
  
"...what was that?"  
  
"Er..." he bristles again. "YOU HEARD NOTHING!"  
  
"...okay."   
  
Ashley opens her mouth to add to the conversation when a resounding boom...  
  
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!*  
  
...interrupts them.  
  
"Holy shit! What was that?!"  
  
"I dunno, listen!"  
  
They stop talking and tilt their heads to the side.  
  
"What is it!?" A heavy accent demands.  
  
"It looks like one of them Pokie-man things!" Another responds.  
  
*CH-CH*  
  
"Let's kill it!"  
  
*gunfire*  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" A white dude comes flying out of the house with MIB sunglasses on his face and an arsenal of weapons (which include but are not limited to: a triple barreled shotgun, a huge ax, grenades, a rocket launcher...*snicker*) strapped to his back.  
  
He runs over to them, breathless. "Kuroneko!" *pant pant* "I have a question for you!"  
  
"...yes?"  
  
"Can...I...keep you?!"  
  
"Ummm...no."  
  
"DAMNATION!!" He takes sight of the small mob behind him and blunders on ahead. "I WON'T FORGET THIIISSS!!!"  
  
O.O "...wow."  
  
o.o;; "...yeah..."  
  
Kuroneko plays with a blade of grass nonchalantly. "Happens all the time."  
  
Megan shakes her head before reaching for another card. "Hmm? What's this?" She pulls one out, looking at it curiously. "Hn. Last one."  
  
'Yesssss.'  
  
*clears throat* "This one's from Kitsunedemon: 'Can I pet you Mr. Kittty-sama?? I wanna pet you and feel SPECIAL! I WANNA FEEL SPECIAL!'......"  
  
She smiles slyly.  
  
"...what? What's that look?"  
  
"Can I PLEASE?!" Ashley begs from behind the animal.  
  
*nod*  
  
"YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!" She whips out a rope, grinning psychotically. "Time for your close-up, KURONEKOOOO!!!"  
  
"Eek! What the hell are you doing?!"  
  
"Tying you up silly!" She proceeds to wrap the rope around him in a tight fit. "There we go!"  
  
"WHORE!" He spats.  
  
"Now now! We can't have talk like that!" She bundles him up in the towel she used earlier. "There we go!"  
  
"MMMMFFF!!! MMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!"  
  
"What was that? Speak up!"  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFF!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Nope, sorry, can't make out what you're saying!"   
  
Megan skips over with a pen and scribbles something on the towel. "All set!"  
  
"MMMM?!"  
  
"Now to put this package in the mail!"  
  
"MMMMMMMMMMMF?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Did you hear something Ashley?"  
  
She looks thoughtful for an instant. "...NOPE!"  
  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!"  
  
They run to the curb and hastily shove the "package" into the mailbox.   
  
"Okay! He's on his way Kitsunedemon!"  
  
"He should be there within the week...and then you can pet 'em all you want!"  
  
They look at each other before going into another fit of laughter.  
  
"AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!"  
  
"See---HAHAHAHA----you next time---HAHAHA!!"  
  
"Where we'll be interviewing--HAHAHAH---Monev the Gale---HAHHAHA---BARNEY!!"  
  
"BARNEY?!?! AAAAAAHHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!"  
  
They wave to the camera (poor Joe!) before rolling on the ground some more.  
  
"BBBYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END…no, not really…*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Well, that sure was interesting! -____-;; Kuroneko turned out to be a little prick!  
  
(I still love him! ^^)  
  
Yup! Monev the Gale's up next! Leave a review if ya wanna ask him something!  
  
XD  
  
LATER TURKEYS!! 


	14. Barney Lover

A/N: Oh Gods! *swears profusely* Long time no see everybody!  
  
Knives: Now apologize before they throw something at you.  
  
The hell I will! *is beamed in the head by a table lamp*  
  
Knives: Foolish girl...  
  
@_@ Shut up.  
  
Knives: Well now, since she's too stupid-  
  
Hey!  
  
Knives: ...stubborn...to say that one little word, I guess I'll have to do it.  
  
NO! The S word is forbidden damnit!  
  
Knives: ...fine. Then you can all go to hell.  
  
That's mah boy.  
  
Knives: ...freak. She thanks you all for reviewing and hopes you'll keep reading. If not...it's your loss. I really don't think she's interested in this story anymore...  
  
No one asked you!  
  
Knives: In any case, I know she'll finish it because she's a stupid spider...  
  
I'll show you spider.  
  
Knives: Down girl.  
  
*mutter grumble* Here it is ladies and gents, enjoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Barney Lover*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"My...poor little bum..." Megan rubs said body part and takes a seat on her chair. "On second thought," she gets back up, "I think I'll stand."  
  
"You whore!" Ashley follows example. "Bloody hell, it feels like a stick crawled up my ass!"  
  
"That it does." She winces as the Studio lights turn on. "Hey, wha? We don't have a show today."  
  
"That damn car ride broke my ass!" Ashley growls. "We better not have a show today..."  
  
"Um...sorry girls," Joe replies feebly from the back. "We had a misunderstanding in our schedules."  
  
"But...my ass is sore!"  
  
He quirks an eyebrow. "If we didn't have a show, why would you two be here anyway?"  
  
"...because. We don't wanna go home. Ever."  
  
"What she said."  
  
"Alright, well the guests should be here any min-"  
  
A swarm of people rush into the building and take their seats as the audience.  
  
"...ute."  
  
"Well now, thanks for the warning."  
  
Joe scratches his head and Megan waddles her way over to the secret room, pressing her ear to the wall. "Are you guys alive in there?"  
  
She hears a scuffle or two, and then silence.  
  
"...are you huuungry?"  
  
No answer.  
  
She mutters profanities under her breath before fetching the remote and opening the doors. "Hellooo?"  
  
"Now Millie!" A blur of white and purple slams into the small host, knocking her down. "Get the other one!"  
  
"Sempaaaii..." The dim insurance girl bites her lip at the glaring host. "I think she's angry..."  
  
"Millie!"  
  
"Meryl," Megan calmly states, "Remove yourself from my person immediately or suffer the consequences."  
  
"No way! You've had us in there long enough!"  
  
She sighs. "I don't think so." She grabs her arm and twists it around her back, making her yelp in pain.  
  
"Why you little shit--!"  
  
She elbows her lightly in the mouth and flips her over, pinning her down with a knee on her neck. "Ugh..." She puts on a strange smile. "That really hurt my ass."  
  
"Get off of me!" She flails.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Megan...you have issues," her counterpart continues glaring at Millie.  
  
"That's nice. Where's Monev?"  
  
"Comiingg!" A sickeningly sweet voice calls from the side of the stage. Monev comes out (of the closet *cough*) in all his purple glory. "Hello muffins!"  
  
Megan's lip twitches. "Muffins?"  
  
He just smiles gaily.  
  
Megan takes this time to sweatdrop and nod down at Meryl. "You wanna give me a hand?"  
  
"Oh, sure!" He practically skips over to her and throws the disheveled insurance girl over his shoulder. "Where to?"  
  
She narrows her eyes. The sing-song voice was startin' to get to her. "Over there," she points to the gaping space in the wall.  
  
He strides over to it and dumps her in one of the dark corners. "Is that everything?"  
  
"No...take her too." She gestures to a dumbfounded Millie.  
  
"Alrighty then!" He swoops her up with ease and puts her in the room as well, clapping his hands daintily when he's finished. "All done!"  
  
Megan pushes the red button with some difficulty. "Monev?"  
  
"Yes, muffin?"  
  
She shakes her head wistfully. "Exactly how flamboyant are you?"  
  
"Hm?" He takes a seat on the couch, nearly crushing it, and crosses his legs. "How do you mean?"  
  
"...that."  
  
"What? Can't a bodybuilder enjoy the finer things in life?"  
  
"Of course they can..." She mutters something unintelligible. "Let me re- phrase that. Are you giddy like a schoolgirl?"  
  
"...I'm afraid I don't understand the question." He laces his fingers together and sets them on his knee.  
  
She looks away. "Never mind, I got it."  
  
Ashley looks back and forth between the two of them. "...questions anybody?"  
  
Hands shoot up from the crowd, and a couple teens jump to their feet. "Who are you?!" Someone yells.  
  
"That's WindGoddessRind, by the way..."  
  
"Um...I am, Monev the Gale."  
  
"Really?" She asks sarcastically.  
  
"Yep. First Gung-Ho Gun, striking fear into the hearts of millions, blah blah blah..."  
  
The hosts raise their eyebrows.  
  
"But, enough of all that gruesome stuff! I like painting, riding horsies (imagine that -.-), making crafts, playing with kittens, dancing..." He continues listing off little girl hobbies, making Ashley stare in shock and Megan bash her head repeatedly into the arm of her chair. "...singing, jumping on trampolines, hop-scotch-"  
  
"Basta!" Megan shouts, waving her arms.  
  
Monev stops chattering and stares. "Pardon?"  
  
Ashley sighs and grabs her friend's flailing limbs. "She has random bouts of Spanish. ...it means 'enough'."  
  
*shifty eyes* "Okaay..."  
  
"Heh," she smiles weakly and turns back to the audience. "Anyone else?"  
  
A tall girl with a familiar Saiyan tail stands up. "I'd like to know why you thought that spandex, let alone purple spandex, would scare the hell outta anyone in any way other than making them vomit in disgust."  
  
"Heh. That's Raditz."  
  
"Yes," she nods. "Men should be prohibited from Spandex."  
  
"Well, uh...it grants me a wide range of motion...doesn't restrict me...and, uh..."  
  
By this point the hosts are laughing their asses off.  
  
"What?"  
  
"N-nothing," Megan sputters. "Nothing at all."  
  
He gives her a look before informing everyone that purple was the only color they had in stock. And it's pretty...'n stuff...  
  
"Ahem, yes, right. More questions?"  
  
"Hello Monev!" Saro Wolf shouts. "Isn't your middle name Hurricane? I read that in the manga...you're very weird... isn't that big gun heavy?"  
  
He blinks a few times. "...my gun?"  
  
"Yes, your gun."  
  
"No, not really. Not when you're..." *strikes pose* "The Hurricane!"  
  
*widespread face-plant*  
  
"So is that a yes?"  
  
"I added it on for shits and giggles."  
  
Megan brushes her pants off. "Did you just use the phrase 'shits and giggles'?"  
  
"Yep." *grin*  
  
"...ew."  
  
"Hey, Monev!" Now it's Kay's turn. "Why the HELL did you spend all that time body building? Huh? You some kind of stuck up arrogant bastard who thinks he's all that 'n a bag 'o chips?! All to be beaten by MAH MAN!" *does the Vash love and peace sign*  
  
"Um...it was in the script?"  
  
"HA! Do you realize that you have on a hideously ugly purple body suit that does not match and makes you look...icky?"  
  
He shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "It doesn't make me look...icky."  
  
"Oh yes it does."  
  
"No it doesn't...it...it accentuates my nice physique...and it's nifty."  
  
"Gah! Don't use words like 'nifty'! You're not allowed to do that ya old man!"  
  
"Old?" he pouts. "I guess it's just pick-on-Monev day..."  
  
"Oh please."  
  
Aurus stands up next. "Who was it that chose what you wore...seriously...and, why didn't you shoot them?"  
  
"Well, Knives suggested something tight but-"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan howls. "AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"...I made the final decision. What's wrong with her?"  
  
"You don't wanna know..."  
  
*blink* "Okay."  
  
"Dude, what's with the body suit? Are you a walking advertisement for spandex?" A girl with long blonde hair, wearing a red bandanna, a badge that says "I SUPPORT THE SEKIHOUTAI", and Sagara Sanosuke's "bad" jacket, asks.  
  
Megan stops screaming, stares at the audience member (RedBandanna), and starts screaming again. "SANOSUKKKEEEEE!! I LOVE HIM!!!!"  
  
"Yes! Worship the Sano!"  
  
Monev tries to carry on with the interview. "No, I in no way shape or form am trying to advertise spandex, and I have already explained the reason for wearing it. So, if you don't mind, may I have another question?"  
  
The door of the Studio suddenly makes sliced up noises and blows apart. Mimic steps through, in all his shapeshiftingness glory.  
  
Ashley glares. "You must really enjoy yourself..."  
  
"Yup! I would like to ask Monev; why do you have so many weapons, gadgets and such?"  
  
"Because they're nifty."  
  
"Again! With the 'nifty'! No Monev, BAD!"  
  
"Well!" Booms a voice. "He's no match for RRoan!" The crazy white guy from Kuroneko's interview runs onstage, pointing a variety of weapons at Monev. "Let us fight, you and I!"  
  
"That was gay..."  
  
"Haha!" He rushes with an ax, making the large Gung-Ho Gun jump onto the couch and act like there's a rodent on the floor.  
  
"Keep him away from me! I don't wanna fight! I have a wife at home!"  
  
He stops. The room becomes very quiet...well...except for the hosts' snickering.  
  
"Oh, ew. You're married?"  
  
"Yup," he grins. "She's a pretty thing. Name's Barney."  
  
Megan doubles over in laughter.  
  
Ashley stares. "As in...Barney is a dinosaur from your imagination, when he popped up all hell broke loose and that's how we got Satan?"  
  
"Well...she is purple...and she does kinda resemble a dinosaur, but...don't say things like that about my sweetums!"  
  
"AAAHAHHAHA, SWEETUMS!! HOW GROSS! AAAHAHAHHAAA!!!"  
  
*insert snootiness* "Well..."  
  
Ashley frowns, debating whether to laugh likewise or puke. "O-okay...is that it everyone?"  
  
*cricket cricket*  
  
"...then get the hell outta my Studio!!"  
  
Everyone makes a mad dash for the exit and Monev folds his arms across his chest.  
  
"And you," she points. "You...bulky..fairy thing. You gotta leave too."  
  
"AAAHAHHA! You don't have to go home, but ya can't stay here. HAAAHAHAHAHAAA!!!"  
  
"Tch." He stomps over to the side door. "I am OUTTA here."  
  
"Riiiiight."  
  
"Later!"  
  
Joe wipes off the camera lens and shuts it off. "Ladies, ladies...are you even trying anymore?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"How should I know?"  
  
He sighs, smiling a little. "You guys..."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*UNTIL NEXT TIME *flicks off**~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Next up shall be...um...*ponder ponder*...oh! Rai-Dei the Blade! We haven't done him yet!  
  
*boos*  
  
I know, I hate him with a thousand burning fiery passions as well. He killed my E.G.! ...in the anime...but, it's all good! We should have some fun with him! *evil cackle* Ha, yes. Review, or don't. I really don't care at the moment. Review if you want to ask the ass a question. Review if you wanna compliment mah story. Review if you're bored. *shrug* Whatever. Farewell, my crazies! 


	15. The Obsessive Samurai

A/N: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! ::flying tackles everyone:: I missed you guys so muuuuch!! ::happy sob:: Sorry for being late, as usual, but this time the excuse is more plausible (the other ones were true, too!). ::deep breath:: My dad hooked up my dial-up internet wrong when we updated and it used a long distance number so the bill was $1,000 and I couldn't use the internet until it was paid off and he fixed it or let me. ::gasp:: There you are. The internet's still fluctuating, so...yeah.  
::hugs everyone again:: Thanks for reviewing and such, I really appreciate it! ::warm inside::  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own Trigun.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::The Obsessive Samurai::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
"Haaaagh..." Megan yawns and sinks further into her chair. "Who're we interviewing today?"  
  
Ashley rolls her eyes and sharpens the large knife in her hand. "I told you a thousand times..."  
  
"Not to exaggerate?"  
  
"....no. We're interviewing Rai-Dei the Blade."  
  
"WHAT?!" She tries to jump up but catches her foot in the side of the cushion and falls face-first off the chair. "Gah!" She quickly uprights herself and proceeds to rant about how much of a cheating bastard he is.  
  
"It's true," Ashley points out. "He had a gun."  
  
"--I just wanna shove it up his ass and strangle him 'till he turns blue and laugh at his choking noises and stab him in the eye with his toothpick and--"  
  
"Maybe we should sell his sword-gun thingy on E-bay..." She touches the tip of the knife to her cheek in thought. "That'd fetch a pretty penny."  
  
"--and then bathe gloriously in spiritual awareness and watch him cry like a bitch because he HAS NONE! MWA HAHAHAHAAA!!"  
  
"Mm-hmm..." Ashley hides the knife and throws the sharpening stick....THING behind her. "He should be here any second."  
  
"Excuse me," a demon's voice politely asks. "Is this the...Studio?"  
  
"RAAAAR!!" Megan goes to run and attack, but her friend calmly reaches down and grabs her ankle, successfully tripping the small fury and causing her to smack her face into the ground for the second time that day.  
  
She whips her face up and makes a Vash noise. "DAAAAH." Her limbs flail for a moment before she glares at the other host. "Traitor! Ya trying to KILL me?!"  
  
"Later..." she says out the corner of her mouth.  
  
"I can't believe you! I had the perfect shot for a clean tackle and you grabbed my foot! What the hell is wrong with you?!"  
  
The gung-ho gun stands dumbfounded by the edge of the stage.  
  
Ashley smiles at him and growls through her teeth. "LATER."  
  
Megan looks up and frowns, trying to decipher the message. "...ohhhh..." She snickers to herself. "Now I get it."  
  
Rai-Dei walks onstage and takes his hat off in greeting to the audience, earning him a massive 'boo' and a couple of 'woos' from die-hard fans. Megan commits their faces to memory and thinks of all the accidents they might have in the near future.  
  
"I am, pleased to meet you." He extends a murderous hand to the two humbly.  
  
The plotting one goes into Dr. Evil mode. "How 'bout no, Scotty."  
  
Ashley gives him the cold shoulder. "Why don't you take a seat?"  
  
"Alright," he sits on the floor Indian-style.  
  
Megan quirks an eyebrow and puckers her lips into an 'O'.  
  
"...I was referring to the couch."  
  
"Of course." He readily obliges and transfers himself to said furniture.  
  
"Hehe. It's like he's already trained."  
  
"He WAS Knives' bitch," Ashley whispers back.  
  
"Oh yeah!" She giggles madly.  
  
"I understand you will be asking me...questions." Rai-Dei interjects.  
  
"That is correct."  
  
"And in return you will provide me with...spiritual awareness?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
If Megan was drinking something, it'd be flying out of her nose right now. "Pardon?!"  
  
Ashley shoots her a warning glare. "If he plays his cards right, we will be giving him spiritual awareness."  
  
It takes her a minute to catch on. "Ohh," she nods. "Riiiiight."  
  
"Oh Ra, who's first?"  
  
A ninja star shoots past his head and buries itself in the back wall.  
  
"That wasn't very friendly," Megan laughs.  
  
A couple of hands are raised. Someone waves a banner reading "ILOVESAMURAI" in the back. Her neighbors take the liberty of ripping it down.  
  
"I have a question!"  
  
"Go ahead RedBandanna."  
  
"Did you actually die in the explosion Vash's arm made? I don't seem to remember you reappearing in the anime..."  
  
"No, no I did not."  
  
::crickets chirp::  
  
"Come on," Megan prods excitedly, "Tell 'em how you died!"  
  
He sighs. "Nicholas D. Wolfwood shot me just after I came out of the rubble unscathed. We could've worked together and brought down that horrible devil of a man, but he-"  
  
"AHAHAHAHA!!!" The little psycho shrieks in delight. "Go Wolfy!"  
  
Rai-Dei sits back, quietly seething over the incident.  
  
"Well," Ashley chuckles. "We all get what we deserve. Next question?"  
  
"Yeah, where'd you get the toothpick from?"  
  
"That's vashandwolfwood..."  
  
"And why'd you have to kill E.G.? Oh, I hate you too."  
  
He plays with the wooden pick in his mouth. "Master Knives had access to trees, and I was forced kill that poor excuse for a demon because he failed in his duty to him."  
  
"Oh...oh Gods," Megan represses back a fit of laughter. "I can't believe he just said that..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Master Knives...KMPH!"  
  
Ashley curls up in the fetal position and shakes, also trying not to laugh.  
  
"Um..." Saro Wolf stands on her own accord. "Konichiwa Rai-Dei! You're Japanese, right?"  
  
Megan waves her hand, trying to signal there wasn't a Japan on Gunsmoke.  
  
"I was not born there, though I trained in its dojos for some time."  
  
Megan stops snickering and cocks her head to the side. What in the hell...?  
  
"Well, where did you actually come from and how did you get caught up working for Knives?"  
  
"I came from the womb of a woman skilled in the self-defensive arts-"  
  
Ashley snorts.  
  
"-and trained for years in a dojo learning the fighting techniques of the sword. Such was my reputation as a master of Shi-Ai, I was sought out by Knives' minions and offered a deal I couldn't refuse."  
  
"Wait, let me guess." Megan snickers. "Spiritual awareness?"  
  
"Yes. He told me of Vash the Stampede's great strength. If I could just take his will, I would be able to find what I had been searching for all my life."  
  
"Stupid human..." Raditz takes the stand. "What else did you think you would find at the edge of death, other than fear?"  
  
He fidgets. "Spiritual awareness is in the eye of the beholder..."  
  
"What a waste of oxygen. Do you even know what you're looking for?"  
  
"It is...uh...said to be indescribable, and..."  
  
"Whoawhoawhoawhoa, hold the phone!" Megan waves her arms wildly. "You're telling me you've killed countless people and attacked Vash for something even the people who told you about 't tell you exactly what it was?"  
  
"But, they have seen it, and..."  
  
"How do you know it even exists? They could be lyin' out their asses!"  
  
"You obviously don't know anything about spiritual awareness..." he crosses his arms. "I will say no more."  
  
Megan shakes her head, and Ashley just about dies. "Anymore questions for our sad little Rai?"  
  
"Yeah, I've got one!"  
  
"Shat would be aurus..."  
  
"Here it goes: Do you really think killing people will lead you to Zen or whatever it is that you're after? Because personally, I think Vash is a hell of a lot closer with his love-and-peace philosophy, and... say, I bet you just wanted to kill him because you're jealous of his amazing Zen- ness!" o.o;  
  
"Spiritual awareness is the easiest to reach at the edge of death. If I kill the person with the right energy, I will see it as they die. As for Vash the Stampede, he is a demon and a fool!"  
  
"Hey, here's a crazy idea..." Megan grins. "Why don't you stab yourself in the face, and as your dying, spiritual awareness will come to you."  
  
He looks down at his sword, contemplating the idea.  
  
"Oh Jesus Christ, I was joking..."  
  
"Hey Rai-Dei, since you have a sword, and I think you should stop killing people and go all love-and-peace-ish...can I have it?" Aurus asks hopefully.  
  
"No, I may need it in the future."  
  
Megan falls off her chair. 'SCORE!'  
  
Ashley composes herself enough to ask for another question.  
  
"Kitsunedemon here! Are you the only Samurai on Gunsmoke? I haven't seen any others, unless..." She gasps. "There's a mindless cult of Samurais and Ninjas waiting under the sand in Gunsmoke for people to accidentally stumble upon their ancient civilization and use them either as sacrifices to their random and supposedly terrifying gods or test many implements of torture on them such as girly girly lipstick or rabid monkeys that they're breeding for world domination purposes!"  
  
Megan gapes. "It's a conspiracy!!"  
  
"There are those I trained with, and many I have slain."  
  
"Well that's good news..." Ashley mumbles.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"WAH!!" Megan jumps up like a cat. "Mimic, I'm going to MURDER you!"  
  
He grins under his gas-mask and moves away from the couch he was so rudely hiding behind.  
  
"At least he didn't blow up anything this time," Ashley points out.  
  
::the audience chairs collapse::  
  
"...I hate you."  
  
"Rai Dei, what was it like living through Vash's attack only to be killed by Wolfwood?"  
  
"It sucked."  
  
"...good enough for me." Mimic hops offstage before Megan can fulfill her threat.  
  
LegacyRBluesummers crawls out of her broken chair. "Hello! I just wanted to ask Rai-Dei-sama if I can have his..." ::snickers:: "Oh Lordy, I can't even say it without cracking up..." ::snickers more:: "Can I have your nifty hat thingy?"  
  
"...no."  
  
"Okay, well..." She makes her way out of the ruin that was once the audience and runs down to the stage. "Here!" She glomps him.  
  
Megan opens her mouth wide in shock. "Wh-what're you..."  
  
She snatches the hat off his startled head and abandons ship.  
  
"Hey!" He gets up to chase her, but Megan stops him.  
  
"Interviewees can't leave the stage. It's ninja code...erm, samurai."  
  
He grumbles to himself and sits back down.  
  
Lil Kayke stands up next, wearing a black t-shirt saying 'I'm Ugly On The Inside Too' and asking if he's ever had a relationship with someone other than his hand.  
  
"Good question," Megan gives her the thumbs-up.  
  
"Well...the only one I can remember was with Master Knives, but that was strictly professional."  
  
"Bitch."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You were his bitch."  
  
"...I suppose you could say that."  
  
She rolls on the floor. Someone finally admitted it!  
  
"This is too much," Ashley rubs her forehead. "Last question."  
  
A blonde with a dark ensemble rises and waves. "Hey, this is vash-and-wolfwood speaking. (again) Rai Dei, can I have your blade?"  
  
He looks down at it like he did earlier. "...no."  
  
"Ookay. Isn't it odd to see a guy dressed like a samurai on Gunsmoke? Everyone else is dressed western-style."  
  
"I AM a samurai."  
  
"Sure ya are." She sits back down.  
  
"Why does no one believe me?!" He snaps. "I am a SAMURAI!! I WILL find spiritual awareness one day! And I WILL kill Vash the Stampede!!"  
  
"That's why you have a gun-sword..."  
  
"And you're dead."  
  
"Bah!" He gets up to leave.  
  
"Wait," Ashley stands up. "Now that the show is over, and everyone's slightly satisfied..." She whips out the knife she was sitting on. "I'M GOING TO THROTTLE YOU!!"  
  
"What?!"  
  
"DIIIIEEEE!!!"  
  
"This isn't the proper way to initiate battle--!" He dodges her first assault. "Are you even listening to me?!"  
  
"BWA HAHAHHAHAAA!!!!"  
  
Megan watches her chase him around the stage with a meat cleaver. "It's a Kodak moment." She takes a picture with her imaginary camera before turning to the audience. "Next we'll be interviewing...mmm, I dunno...how about Chapel the Evergreen and Leonoff the Puppet Master. They'll go at the same time because they're both bald...and I hate them." She waves at the camera and jumps on Rai-Dei's back as they come around.  
  
::CLICK!::  
  
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A/N: Well, that was fun. ::stretch:: You don't know how much pain this chair is inflicting on my ass...I think I may have shattered part of my pelvic bone...::wince:: How grand.  
  
Remember to review if you wanna get your minute of fame. This is Megan, signing out. 


End file.
